Stress and problem's with the inlaws?

Question

I'm having a lot of problem's with my in law's. My daughter just turned 3 months. When she was born her foot had been against my belly and she had grown out of room so her foot had turned towards her ankle. Two different doctors had visited and said that it'd be fine cause her bones weren't hard yet. My in-laws kept saying she'd never walk and she was crippled. They even brought there friends up there the next day ripped off her socks and was looking at it and saying how awful it was. It's really turned around since i've had her now that she's older but everytime they come to visit they call her the "Little crippled" and pull her socks and shoes off. Its so frusterating even when i tell them the doctors told us it was fine. They did it this weekend and it wasn't even to the right foot!! I seriously feel as tho i may spotanously combust at any moment when i'm around them and them picking at her. What can i do??!?! My husband say's im just overprotective and they don't mean anything by it. They always come and visit and then tell us they've been sick the night before i hate it. I don't know what to do??! Any ideas?! I've thought about posting a blog on my myspace sine they all seem to read my page daily. Any suggestions?!

Answer 1

OMG..I am so sorry to hear that they are such insensitive, unloving GRANDPARENTS! I am so sorry you have to go through that. I would make sure that your husband knows that it IS a big deal! I don't know how you do it because I would have already said something to them. Since your hubby dosn't want to back you up...I would say something to them. First try taking his mom to the side and saying "I don't appreciate you talking about my child (your granddaughter) like this. Please stop." If she doesn't then I would embarass HER and say it in front of her friends. She is her grandmother, she should be sticking up for her if OTHER people were to say that...it should NEVER come ouit of her mouth! This is horriable...I hope it works out!

Answer 2

you poor thing.

Well, in-laws are always a really touchy subject... but obviously they arent putting much thought into what and how they are saying.. and how it might affect YOU!

Two wrongs don't make a right.. but you need to be blunt and protect your family.

Using nicknames like little cripple is awful. And as the mother you have every obligation to draw a line. Mother in law or not... no one should insult that beautiful baby.

be blunt. tell them to stop.  if they dont... then ask them not to come around as much or at all.

good luck.

Answer 3

In-Laws!  UGH!

I would tell your hubbs that even if they don't mean anything by it, it still bothers you and you don't like it.  Either he says something to them or you will.  Try to be as nice as possible about it, but I have found that putting a little bit of sas behind what I say to my in-laws gets them to change their ways...even though they still talk trash behind my back.  NEWAYS

You could always be over dramatic next time they do it and snatch your daughter out of their hands.  Scream at them and say if they don't stop talking like that to your daughter they won't be seeing her anymore.  Of course this will probably p**s your hubbs off, but then you tell him that if he would have taken care of it in the first place you wouldn't be freaking out.

hmmm....sounds like I need to deal with some personal issues with my in-laws.  I pictured them as I typed that out...LOL

Answer 4

I'm sorry for everything that you're going through!  I have a similar problem, except my in laws keep talking bad about my husband, their own son!!  They keep saying things to my son (who is only 4 weeks thank God!) like "Good thing you're cute like your Mommy!" or "Thank goodness you don't take after your ugly old Dad!" and other condescending things like that.  I finally got fed up that I keep telling them just the opposite, which is true!  "I don't think his Daddy is ugly.  I've been married to him for 7 years!" or "I think he's beautiful because he's a mix of me and his Daddy!" or something to tell them I think they are wrong.

I just don't think there is no easy answer.  Just stand up for yourself and for your baby!  When she gets to where she can understand what they are saying, do you think she'll like being called "crippled'???  I think not!  They might as well call her "ugly" or something.  If need be, take her away from them and tell them, in as calm a manner as you can, what you think.  That she is not "crippled" and she will grow into her feet.  That you don't appreciate them calling her names and you want them to stop.  If need be, don't have them over for awhile.  As I said there is no easy answer!  Just stick to your guns!

Answer 5

myspace would be good or just tell them straight out....that or if you wanna be really mean pick something about them and make fun of them for it. thats not right and they need to stop eventually she'll be old enough where she will unerstand what they are saying and it will hurt

Answer 6

That's awful! They sound completely insensitive to the situation. Just sit them down and tell them that it really hurts your feelings when they do things like this. It's fine if they are concerned and ASK you how she's doing but to rip her socks off and call her "Little crippled" is just plain rude. I'd tell your husband to also step up and say something to them. If it bothers you this much, and it's completely understandable, then it should bother him as well.

And sick people shouldn't be around babies, plain and simple. Tell them if they're wanting to come over to PLEASE make sure they are not sick as you don't want your daughter catching anything.

Answer 7

talk to your husband..its his parents.. your his wife and thats his child..i would never let anyone insult my child kidding or not..tell your husband how you feel, it would be easier for him to break the ice rather then you "combusting"..  

Answer 8

You're a better person than me.

I would have flipped my sh*t by now.  I would have flipped the day they brought their friends over to show off the crooked foot.

If I were you- I'd say something directly to their face.  Blogging on MySpace is so passive aggressive and will just cause resentment between you guys.  Just flat out say "My child is fine and if you can't stop pointing out the "problems" that you see with her, I'll have no problem in cutting you out of her life".

Answer 9

If you can tell them face to face or over the phone, just tell them to stop! That's horrible. It could leave your daughter with some emotional scarring if they keep teasing her- it's great that her foot is fine, but even if it wasn't it shouldn't matter to them anyway. She's a precious child, and they shouldn't pick on her like that! You may want to talk to your husband again; tell him how seriously frustrating it is to you, and how much it could do to her when she's of age to understand what they're teasing her about. Sure, grandparents can pick at her (they're good for that!), but they can (lovingly) find something else to tease her about, instead of a deformity (or in this case, lack thereof). Not only does it avoid some emotional damage to your daughter, it could teach her that it's okay to belittle people who are different than her, if it keeps going. And if your husband doesn't listen to you, then tell him if he doesn't do something about it, you will. Because he may not think it's a big deal, but it's a big deal to you and this is your child and his, not just his.  

Answer 10

Are you kidding me?!?! I'm pretty sure that I would have spontaneously combusted at this point...I think my blood pressure is up from just reading that! It is so incredibly rude and uncalled for that your in-laws are doing this, and you need to let them know that. My son was born with a cephalahematoma ( a collection of blood under the scalp, caused from birth) on his poor little head. It resolved on its own like normal, but if someone would have picked on him or made fun of it (and I mean ANYONE) I would have let that person have it, no questions asked. It was a very sensitive topic at the time, and I know that yours is as well. I would sit them down and let them know how it makes you feel and that you don't appreciate them picking on your INFANT daughter.

Answer 11

I would tell them you do not appreciate it and also the blog on myspace sounds good as well. You get it off your chest and then they may hear about it or read it. Just put it lightly... such as... I am frustrated with some people calling my baby crippled she is normal and fine and do not like it when people make a point of going overboard with regards to it. Please stop!!!! I am not really sure I would come out and tell them I do not like it and that it might give your child issues because everyone gawks at it later in life... Good luck hun.

Answer 12

What insensitive in-laws. Maybe you should pull of your mom-in-law's shirt and tell her what a shame it is that her b***s are sagging down to her belly. Call your friends over to gawk at them. Tell her that you were sick the minute you heard a knock at the door.

Answer 13

This is terrible!! I am so sorry. The blog thing isn't such a bad idea - I'm sorry your hubby isn't backing you up on this - but then that means you're going to have to be the bad guy - you have to say something about this. They shouldn't be saying ANYthing like that about her being crippled, even if she was would they talk about it and not love her the same? I'd just say, "You know what!!!......" You shouldn't have to listen to that.  

Answer 14

Id leave with her before the next time they come and visit.  If they cant be decent people, they dont deserve the right to see her. Nip it now.