Stressed out mom. Please help!?

Question

My son Jaiden will be 18 months on the 9th. He would be 14 months if he had been born on time (1lb 10oz @ birth-24 weeker). I love my son to death but lately I've been having so many uncomfortable thoughts. I feel so cheated for having had to go through such a rough pregnancy, for having to go through the scares of taking care of a preemie who came home with a colostomy bag. He's older now but this age is tough too. I'm losing my patience with him a lot faster now and I hate myself for it. I keep thinking about my life before him and it makes me feel so guilty. I miss being able to sleep in late, and not having to clean as much, and most of all my social life. It feels like such a burden to keep my messy life in order, and then I'm also my son's secretary and I have to try to be organized and handle all his affairs. Adult life is so hard and sometimes I have thoughts of just not wanting to be on earth anymore.(I hate saying what I mean out loud but you know what I mean) Any mom's going

Answer 1

I got pregnant with my daughter right before i turned 21. It was hard for me. My husband and I had had a head on collision earlier that year and found out we were pregnant. While pregnant, i worked 40+ hours, went to school and took care of my then-disabled husband. Finally, i had her. Still went to school, still worked 40+ hours. I felt worthless. Like i wasn't appreciated. My husband worked 3-11 we never saw each other. I felt like a single parent.It was hard. I felt like you. How would life be without me. I didn't want my daughter because life was hard. My husband didn't look at me like he use to. A few months later, i found out I was pregnant with my second child. Since then, life has never been the same. I dont get to sleep in and i dont get to do anything that i once was able to do. Life got so bad for me. I knew i was depressed and that wasn't my kids fault. They had nothing to do with it. It hurt me knowing that i was blaming it on my kids but they didn't do it. Things got so bad for me. I felt like a single parent even more than before. My husband seperated and I had already filed for a divorce. I was 2 days away from continuing the divorce and we settled our differences. I noticed that it wasn't just him or my kids, it was me. I was unhappy. They are 2 and 3 now and I love them more than ever. I realized I was depressed and I knew I had to do something. My kids are helpless without me or their dad. I knew i was depressed and I had to do something about it. I went to the doctor and its like he was naming off all the symptoms and never said i was depressed. He pretty much let me diagnose myself. I now take Celexa, a mild depression pill. I'm able to sleep at night and care more. Don't worry little Jaiden will start sleeping and you will be able to sleep later. It gets better. I promise. You will see what you have and you will thank God every day for your little man. There is hope. I know you feel like there isn't but trust me, you'll be just fine.

Answer 2

I totally understand. I'm a mom, a single mom, of a very challenging child..to say the least.

I have felt like you before. When I found myself unable to cope, I had to ask my mother to help me with the baby. Even if she just took him every other weekend so I could get my head back together, that helped.

I also saw a dr because of how miserable I was. It turned out I had severe depression, which was treated with medication and therapy. That helped too.

Don't be afraid to reach out. You are not alone in the way you feel. You have to take good care of yourself to be a good mom to your son, so make sure you do that.

Good luck!

EDIT: True, meds can be bad for some people, but for some they make a world of difference. Even if you don't take anything, it wouldn't hurt to see a dr. You have to clear your head up so you can be both a good parent (which I know you are- but getting overwhelmed can make you super irritable) and a happier person. At least talk to family or someone. No one needs go through this alone.

Answer 3

Maybe you're unfit to be a mom.  Sorry, but it might be the truth.

Answer 4

First of all take a deep breath. I think all parent go through a stage when they feel cheated because parenting is hard work.  I won't lie and say that it gets better.  I have a 6 year old and sometimes I still think of life before him.  However, these times are put to rest by the hug, kisses, and smiles that he gives me.  Also 18 months is hard but it is not going to get much easier. That is why I think you  need help.  Whether it is professional help or not is up to you but you need someone you can talk to.  Maybe you could find a parenting support group in your area that you could talk to.  There is probably even one online.  Sometimes just having someone to bounce ideas off of is all that you need to feel better.  Also maybe you need to talk to the babies dad about the way that you are feeling.  He deserves to know how you feel and what are thinking.  

If you are worried about going to a professional for help because of medication then maybe you should look at for  therapist that does not believe in prescribing anti-depressants to every patient.  Be honest with the therapist about how you feel about them.

I hope you are feeling better soon.

Answer 5

My son is also a 24 weeker he was 1 pound 6 ounces just hang in there it's a tough challenge now but It will get better and all parents at some point or another feel overwhelmed with stress it's just great you found a way to vent I wish you and your son the best.

Answer 6

You sound like you may be dramatizing your story but you should deff see a doctor

Answer 7

i am 21 with 3 kids and i feel cheated out of everything. i love my kids but sometimes i get so depressed where i wish i could jus walk out the house. i feel stuck doing the same thing over and over every day. cooking cleaning crying, and omg the diapers i have 2 in diapers. it gets frustrating. if u are a single mom you should have a family member or friend try to watch your son even if its for an hour to go for a walk. or to go out and get your hair done.....that always makes me feel better. but if u are like me with no family or friends to help it can be difficult. i suggest try finding a play group and the kids can play together and you can at least meet some people and have adult conversations. and then u might be able to find some support though other moms. if u get really depressed u should go see a doctor. i went to see a psychologist and sometimes jus letting out all your thoughts is all u need. i went once and felt better. good luck to you and i hope this helps

Answer 8

Sometimes as Moms we think about life before kids and how much fun it was. (at the time) It is normal to be frustrated but I think your level of frustration and depression is NOT healthy for you or your son. I think you need to get some counseling. I myself had to be put on anti-depressants and it did wonders. Medicine is not for everyone, but it may help. You still need to talk to someone even if you are on meds so you learn coping skills. I had some other stuff going on as well, deep down, and not being able to cope w/that resulted in my frustrations w/my daughter.

Depression can be genetic as well.  I hope everything works out for you!!!!

Answer 9

My stepdaughters mother thought the same thoughts about her daughter. She thought about hurting her or killing her or herself WTF> I NEVER thought about that with my child and I had her at 16 years old. She was my life! I had to revamp my life to fit her in it cause after all she was the highlight. Try loving him even more. Take photos with him. Take him to mommy and me classes or meet someone who has a child so you can have play dates. It will take off a LOT of stress. It hurts to hear mothers think this away about a child that did not ask to be here. It made me cry when i found out my stepdaughters mother said that to her! post depression i guess. UGH it will all pass away shortly. I hope. Some mothers kill their children. Don't let me see you on the news go get help! NOW! PLEASE!

Answer 10

you may have post partum depression.  Talk to your doctor about your symptoms and your feelings.  Also, ask your child's pediatrician about parenting classes you can attend to make you feel more competent.  Yes, it is all overwhelming to you but you have to take good care of yourself in order to take good care of your son.

Answer 11

yes i sometimes feel this way.  my son will be 19 months soon and i love him more than anything but i miss sleep too and i went from 180lbs to 240lbs and i cant seem to lose it. i use to have tons of people talking to me and wanting to hangout and now no one will give me a min of there time.i am a single mom now. his father abandoned us. just see if you can get someone to watch him for a bit so you can go out. thats about all i can tell you. maybe we both just need to get some help. i hope your son is ok now.

Answer 12

have u spoken to a professional about this?

how does the father feel/support you?

Answer 13

Try to relax and talk to someone if you dont know what to do