Stroke may have caused marrige problems?

Question

I had a stroke 2 years ago which I have fully recovered from. Well sometimes I forget things when I am tired. But don't we all?

My wife makes it a big issue when I forget something. So I talk to her and explain that I am aware of her frustration and will try harder next time not to forget. We have been married for 3 years and have a 2 year old daughter. I actively help out around the house and when I come home from work I help out and spend time with our daughter, to give my wife a break. I tell her how much I love her and surprise her witt flowers or chocolates and even meals out when we can get a baby sitter.

Now my wife is being distant and she has said in the past that she finds it hard to cope when I forget. One example is when I put our daughter to bed and forgot to put her socks on. I don't know what else to do. I have seen my consultant and he said that we have to live with it. I have tried to talk about it with my wife and I am not sure she understands. I feel that I am treading on egg shells all the time with everything I do.

Has anyone else who has had a stroke experienced this with their wife/husband? Is my wife over reacting?

Answer 1

Sounds like your wife is tired, not much you can do about that, she is depressed because things in her life have not turned out like she dreamed.  Well things have not turned out the way you hoped for either.  She is being selfish, and only thinking of her own problems, it may pass with time.

Answer 2

hi...I havent experienced this but i just wanted to tell you that it sounds like your wife can't deal with you forgetting things because it reminds her  of your mortality. She seems to be unable to deal with you forgetting things because its a constant reminder that you may get sick again or worse (sorry). Maybe ye should go to councelling?

At least sit her down and tell her how much you love her. Explain that there is nothing you can do about the memory lapses and you don't want to walk on egg shells and that you don't like how distant she has become. see what she says. Talk to each other and find out what's going on.

Answer 3

My husband had a stroke six years ago. I try to stimulate his memory by asking questions about the past. Your wife is not being reasonable. Perhaps she should see a counselor that would give better suggestions than just live with it and figure out the other issues behind this "distant behaviour. We make little jokes about his " Drain bramage" to lighten up our sometimes mutual frustration. You sound like a great guy and she should appreciate your thoughtfulness. Is SHE forgetting why she married you? Or maybe the "in sickness and in health" part? Best of luck and God Bless you.

Answer 4

yes she is  

Answer 5

I work in a hospital and I've seen this happen numerous times.  There will be residual memory loss because of the stroke, even if you recover completely.  Some patients improve with time (within 3-5 yrs after), some don't.  Also, the side effect of blood pressure/ cholesterol lowering drugs you take (if you take any) contributes a great deal to the memory loss.

It can be frustrating to the people you love (that's understandable) but in my honest opinion, your wife is being non-supportive of all this.  Obviously she doesn't have the full grasp of how it really is and probably doesn't quite understand the damage a stroke can cause.

Maybe you can ask her to help you out by writing down what  she wants you to do.  This is supposed to be a teamwork.

Answer 6

That's really sad that she can't be more understanding of you forgetting things. She is lucky that you have recovered and are back to being OK again. The forgetfullness should be the least of her worries. Forgetting to put socks on your daughter, give me a break. She really needs to lighten up. I know someone who had a stroke. His wife came home from work, and he thought that she was an intruder. He said "Who are you, and what are you doing in my house." When she said "I'm your wife." He said "I don't have a wife, get out of my house. And proceeded to chase her down the hall with a knife. I believe that your wife should be LUCKY that you recovered so well as you did, and have only slight forgetfullness. She should be grateful to have you, you sound like a wonderful husband.

Answer 7

My mom has had 3 strokes and she will go into complete memory loss... and will even forget my name or where she was 5 mins ago... And she does always forget where she will leave things and def. some important things and It is frustrating but I dont let her know that.. Your wife should help you remember and not get aggravated with you because she does obviously understand how serious a stroke is.. And also try to relax do not over work yourself then you could be headed for another stroke just be careful and take care of yourself also.

Answer 8

Your wife is being a selfish witch.  Take her to counseling with you.  Put information on her pillow that explains what you are going through.  If she truly loves you, she would be patient and help you through this. Forgetting is not the worse thing in the world.  Could there be other problems you are unaware of?  Ask her.