Struggling with giving my husband control.?

Question

I'd really love to have a biblically structured household, where my husband (although I'd have an equal voice) makes final decisions and stands up for my daughter and me. Where he leads us in our faith and my role is as nurturer and caretaker, keeping a tidy house and all that. Of course the economy being as it is I work too, and that's fine, the problem is that I don't trust my husband's judgment. I feel as though when he makes decisions he comes to conclusions that are either rash, un-thought-out, selfish, cop-outs, just plain poor choices or based in a sub-concious resentment of me (for the life I've led vs the one he's struggled with prior to our marriage). How can I help him be the leader I need him to be? I pray for us daily but I feel as though we need more than prayer...I feel as though this may break down our marriage if I keep having to usurp his leadership role but I feel as though I have to for the good of our daughter.

Answer 1

How can you even consider submitting to your husbands authority when he believe in your heart he's not suited to be the head of your family. Based on what you said about how he makes his decisions it sounds like he far too immature to the head of your household. His decisions not only affect you but also your daughter. Maybe you should rethink this. It's also possible your husband would be better off if you were the head of the house. Some adults never really growup.

Answer 2

God helps those that help themselves.  You should not be abdicating control to your husband.  You both need to work out a solution that will keep your family together and going.  You already have to work outside of the home so he isn't keeping up his part of this equation anyways and if he is making poor decisions on top of it all, he needs help.  You should speak to your pastor and your husband should too.  If your husband does not want to work on this, you need to give him time and move out of the house until he can recognize the importance of what he needs to do.

Answer 3

I think this is one issue MANY women struggle with in today's society to one degree or another.

Whether biblical or secular in nature - it stems from the opposing forces of wanting to be taken care of versus being in control.

Thats what you are really talking about when you say you want him to be responsible and make decisions, yet you feel the need to correct his misteps or "have an equal voice".  You say you need to "help" him be the leader you need him to be.... well either you trust him and stand by (heck even support) his decision, or he can never lead.  Either he's a good, decent man with a few flaws and will overall act in the best interest of his family OR you married a "broken" man and no attempt to "fix" him on your part will turn him into the "leader" you need.

Its really sad that our society has gotten to the point that we train our brains to not trust anyone (to include or spouse).  Men divorce women and leave them to care for children.  So, women are raised to not depend on anyone but themselves.  Don't really blame them.

However, You can't really be close and LOVE someone without trusting them.

Many men I know (myself included) - would never think to correct, sencond guess, and otherwise uspurp our wives.  To do so would be very anti-feminist and anti-equality and would likely gain the wrath of the "unrespected" woman.

However - this same society DEMANDS that the woman act in this very manner towards their huband.  After all - in our society if you trust and the trust is betrayed the attitude seems to be, "well why did YOU let yourself loose CONTROL of the situation in the first place?...".

I might get flamed for this response, but I respectfully submit that if husbands outwardly ridiculed, second-guessed, and regularly trumped their wives decisions within the family unit as much as women normally do to the men in their lives, the divorce rate would be FAR higher than the 50-60% it currently is.

I know of very few women who would tolerate the level of second guessing and instruction taking that has become the norm in the western man's married life.  

Answer 4

Why does he have to do all of this? Why can't you be the leader? Some men like woman who take charge and control of the household/family situation - after all that's what women are good at. If you are going to be so critical of him do it yourself. Does the Bible have a section on a perfect structured household?

Answer 5

well, a person either has it or not. u can't change his personality. there re men who like to lead and take care of family and be responsible ones (my husband for instance) and there re who prefer to have a mommy instead of wife (my ex husband). and they will not change, no matter what u do

Answer 6

Honey, even heathens like me struggle with this.

Face it, you married a loser and God is not going to make him a responsible man.  Please don't have any more kids depending on this FOOL!

Answer 7

If you want a biblically structured marriage, then I suggest you have your pastor talk to him. If this is what you want, I hope it works out well for you.

Answer 8

My, I really pity you, I honestly do.

This is 2008, we as women are entitled to equality and respect not just from our partners but from everyone else.

And I said equality, we are not better than men, or lesser.

Im married to a man who treats me with respect as his equal, he's not so insecure or pathetic that he needs to boss me around and make a fool out of me by insisting I obey his orders. And I would never do that to him either.

You're missing out.

x

Answer 9

Just do these things together and in time he will come around.  You can not hurry these things.

rd