Stubborn boy?

Question

My 5 year old is so stubborn. At school he'd only wear the costume (for a stage performance) that he chooses, and wouldn't accept the teacher's persuasions otherwise. We are not permissive parents, we have rules and he has to stick to them at home. But he still is so stubborn. He hates drawing and keeps bringing up excuses not to do it at pre-school. Any ideas?

Answer 1

Yeah, tell him that unfortunately he doesn't have a choice in the matter and he needs to do as he's told. The point here is, he's evidently being allowed to behave like this. If he was allowed to wear the costume HE wanted and refused to listen to the teacher then the teacher has been pretty irresponsible and rewarded that behaviour. He's learnt that it's OK to dig his heels in and be stubborn, because it works!

Maybe you should try taking away other rewards or treats if he behaves like this. For example, if he insists on wearing the costume and won't do as he's told, then tell him that's fine, he can wear it, but he'll be wearing it in the wings and not on stage at all. You have to be firm with him otherwise he's on-course to live his entire life that way, and it's not going to be fun for him or the people around him in the slightest. So now it's just that he doesn't want to draw or colour in school- if you start here and say 'oh, okay then, if you really don't want to, you don't have to,' then it'll escallate. What happens when he's told he has to study maths or English and he decides he doesn't want to? He just goes through life not doing it? I hated maths and didn't want to do it- thing was I didn't have a choice.

I know it seems harsh, but you need to give him a little less freedom to choose. He can have as much freedom as he likes to express a preference, but deciding what will and won't happen isn't down to him.

Answer 2

Firstly, for the excuses...make sure the teachers won't believe him until he starts shaping up. You need to teach him some discipline or else he'll grow up as a spoilt brat. Don't set too many rules. Many kids break the rules on purpose to 'show their parents' because they find it frustrating.

Answer 3

I have 3 boys with some stubborn streaks in them...the I don't want too thing came to head one day and I had a tantrum of my own and said well I DON'T WANT TO COOK YOUR DINNER AND WASH YOUR CLOTHES AND FOLD THEM  OR PICK U UP FROM SOCCER PRACTICE etc etc etc and that soon got them thinking..if no one wanted to do all of the things that should be done nothing would get done.  My oldest won't and never will eat honey because he saw it at the dental nurse as something bad,  you just carry on as it doesn't really matter does it if he eats sweets or not.  Most of it I would ignore but some of it you have to give him a choice...this or this it is your choice and that makes it his decision and empowers him that way but really you are still in control.

The school costume I would have said to him it is this costume or you watch and that is that if he chose to watch well that is his problem and he has to deal with it but sooner or later he will see that he is missing out on a lot of things....good luck

Answer 4

Oftentimes, "stubborn" is a sign of intelligence.  Try a "smart" approach to your arguments with your son.  If it doesn't really matter (threaten his health or saftey) let him choose.  "Viola"  no arguments 99% of the time!

Answer 5

Your child is an individual- kudos to you for recognizing it!!  It seems to me that your child is searching for appropriate power and that is the stubborness you see.  Try giving him choices (both have to be ok with you!)- "do you want to wear a brown lion costume or a tan lion costume?"  "Do you want to color first and look at a book after or look at a book first and color after?"  "Do you want one spoon of corn or two".  This can go a long way.  Your child will feel as though he has control over his ife to some extent- something he is desperately looking for.  

Also, try making him "in charge" of something at home.  Like, "johnny, you're in charge of helping set the table- you make sure there are enough plates and silverware for everyone, now this is a hard job but I know you can do it."  Or something to that effect.  

Have him choose dinner one night and let him help mom cook it- let him help you do a harder chore (all of these might take longer to do, but letting him do it for himself will give him a way to feel like he's making a difference and has a role in the family.

Best of luck with your son, I hope these ideas can help!!

Answer 6

I think he is trying to establish his own personal space. Try giving him more choices. Let him pick his shirt in the morning or if he already dresses himself then let him chose other things that matter like what he would like to eat for a meal that day, or if he finishes all his chores that day (week) without much fuss...treat him to something special that he wants to do (dinner out, movie or a trip to the toy store). Giving him guidance is one thing, allowing him to recognize the value in his choices is another. You are good parents for having rules and making him stick to them. Keep in mind, not all kids like to color or draw. Ask him what he likes to do instead (maybe he prefers painting, modeling clay or building things) after finding out his interest ask the teacher to incorporate more of that into her curriculum and peak his interest each day he goes to school by saying (today you might be able to do <blank>. I know that it may sound cheesy but each kid is different. Just try to tune into his frame of thinking and once there, you'll have a way to compromise.