Stuck in a problem that wont go away.

Question

im completely stuck and dont know what to do. I am a full time student and have 2 jobs and still live at home. My brother and I do not get along . I guess you could say we dont really like eachother. He is 18, im 21. I know this is the time that siblings fight, but this is ridiculous. All it is is verbal abuse and complete hate towards me. It is fine because I am not really home all that much, but when I am we cant even have a decent conversation without him blowing up and telling me to get the **** away from him and how im a stupid *****. I am really tired of getting disrespected. My youngest brother and him team up together and its just completely obsurd to deal with. I dont really want to live at home with the stress and disrespect I get often. My parents are out of town for right now, and the 18 year old and his only friend are over completely making a mess of the place and disrespecting my parents things. there is nothing i can do to control this. I dont want to leave because im not sure if the house will get burned down or not. The dogs wont get taken care of. I am not sure of what to do. I cant talk to my dad about it because him and I dont really have a relationship so im not going to call him. They should act their age and take care of their responsibilities. I understand that mommy and daddy arent around and they have more freedom but i am not their mother and i am not babysitting. I have my own tendancies to take care of. Im not sure how to not get disrespected from them, i dont want to run away from the problem. What should I do?

Answer 1

Here's what you do.  Be ready for this because it'll blow you away.  Ready?  Ok.

MOVE OUT.  Yup, move out.  You're a 21 year old boy not turning into a man.  A man would see this situation for what it is.  Sad.  Two adults living at home with mommy and daddy fighting like 5 and 6 year olds.  I'm sure your brother would have a page-full to say about you, too.  

Don't worry about the dogs.  Don't worry about the parents.  They will all survive.  Your brother is a t**t and I totally understand your frustration there.  But you continuing to live there, not doing anything to leave only exacerbates the situation.  If your brother makes a mess of the place, so be it!  That's your parents' problem, not yours.  You are not his babysitter, after all, he is a supposed adult.  

You have two jobs.  You are on trek to becoming responsible.  Follow through with it and get your own place.  Even nearby if you want, to visit the dogs all the time.  Trust me on this.  I just berated you pretty harshly, but if you followed my advice and felt the air of independance around you, you'll come back on here in two months time, thanking me for being so blunt.  Then you can sit back and laugh at the t**t still at home, not wanting to grow up.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Why not tape him with video, audio, or both?

Show your parents how he acts when they are not home.

Take pics of the house to show them.

Invite another family member over to see what is going on if there is one close by.

If things get too tough to handle...call the cops on him. They will let him know that he needs to watch his mouth or leave until your parents come back.

Best wishes

Answer 3

Sit your brother down with authority, not like a mouse and not whining and not complaining.  Tell him that we have a problem and we need to figure out why we do and what are we going to do about it.  (Remember to say "we" not I or you)

Tell him that you are brothers and that you really want to be his friend also.  Now tell me what it is you expect out of me as a brother and friend.

If he starts verbal abuse, say "wait a minuite this is not what I had in mind at all".  Now you can talk with me in a kinder tone and words and work with me on solving our problem or we can disown each other as brothers and not speak to each other at all about anything.  No fussing, no cussing  just not say anything at all.  But I hope it doesn't come to that but if it does, remember it was your choice not mine.

That all you can do and you would have done your brotherly deed.

I hope things work out fine between you.  If he still continues to act up, hit him really hard and walk away.

Good luck!!

Answer 4

If I were you I would kick his *** because thats exactly what he needs. The best thing for this situation is buy a tube of pepper spray or mace and release it when he starts to run his mouth.

Answer 5

just  tell  him