Suggestions for this poem?

Question

This is my favorite poem I've ever written. Do I have cause for that? Please say what you think. http://allpoetry.com/poem/4539413

Answer 1

She walks through moonbeams slowly.

Answer 2

I could give you a full analysis, but since this is not a very professional poem and its not what you are asking, I will let that be.

A lot depends on your age of course. From the style and use of language I'd say you must be about 12.

The rhymes appear very forced at times, and the rhythm and metre looses its pace. The whole thing also seems very disconnected, and the flow is not nice either.

You make an effort to use 'arty' language, although I have to say it doesn't come across as very sophisticated. In general there is too much going on, a lot of verbs and adjectives.

Also, there seems little 'true' meaning.

However, since I believe you to be rather young and it doesn't look as if you have much expirience with writing, nor have read many good poems, its a good effort.

Keep trying. With poems structure is as important as language and sometimes less is more.

Answer 3

OMG, that was amazing. I loved it. That's like my favorite poem! I don't have any suggestions, its amazing just the way it is. Your very talented. [:

Answer 4

NICE one.......