Suggestions on telling my mother my family is moving out of state??

Question

My mom has flipped any time in the past that I've talked about moving out of state. She's a Virginia native and expects me to be a "lifer" here, too.

My husband and I have talked about moving to Florida and our wishes to do so for many years. We've recently decided to just take our chances and go. We have a condo to move into with GREAT rent very close to the beach. He has an income that won't change (early company buyout with pay and medical benefits) and I can look for a job when we arrive. We saved and will pay the rent a couple months in advance to give me a time buffer for finding job.

The main problem is that my husband and I have her only grandson and he's a little over a year old. She is going to be SO upset. In fact, when I was 7 months pregnant and mentioned that our desire to move to FL hadn't changed and we'd probably move within the next year, she spent 2 days crying and trying to make me feel guilty.

I want to tell her when I pick my son up from her this afternoon (she watches him a couple days a week), but I want it to be quick and not a long, drawn-out discussion.

Any tips? I will be picking him up in 45 minutes.

Thanks!

Answer 1

You need to be very considerate to her feelings, first off.  After all, this is her grandson whom she has bonded with and now he is being taken from her.  So you must expect her to be heartbroken and possibly angry.

Knowing this, you still need to do what is best for your family.  When you pick your son up, put him in another room to watch a movie.  Then you and mom go into another room to talk.  Sit her down and thank her for everything she has done for you.  Tell her you love her very much but you and your husband have felt that it is time to do what is best for your family.  Doing what is best means that you have to leave the state.  Tell her of his new position and your new housing.  Does this condo have a guest room?  If so, tell her it has her name all over it.  She can come visit anytime she wants.  After all, your son still needs his grandma around.  Perhaps you can also set up visits for him to grandma's every summer.  

She needs reassurance that you are not abandoning her.  This is a very hard thing to understand when she has found no faults with the town you live in.  She has hoped that you wouldn't either.  Now you see the greener grass on the other side and you want to walk in it.  Let her know she is always welcome to walk in it with you.  

Good luck but just be very, very compassionate.  If she yells, stay calm.  If she cries, cry with her.  Just be there for her and let her know you will never be too far from her.  If she has a computer buy her a webcam.  You get one for you, too.  Then you can have weekly phone conversations where you get to SEE each other and she can see her grandson, whom she does not want to be parted with.