Supporting my sister and college?

Question

My sister is 17, she is planning on going to college next month, she needs 410.00$ for a deposit on her dorm room. I was going to be paying the full cost of her deposit until a few months ago and today I plan on not helping her out at all because she does not listen to reason and I think what she is doing is wrong. Please read all before you answer.

2 months ago was our first falling out with me helping her on her way. My mom is struggling to support my family ( I live away married w/ kids) I send money to help all the time to my mother, anyhow my sister is 17 so she can't get a loan for her schooling until she is 18 which is in October, I asked her to save my mom a lot of trouble if she would wait until next year and I will co-sign on a loan with her for her school, its not an option for her so shes expecting my mom to pay the school 3,850$ every 3 months, my mom can barely afford gas a food but shes doing it because my sister quilt tripped her and can't wait 8 more months. My mother also has 2 other children in the house 15 yr old brother and 8 yr old sister to support.

Today she called me and told me she has 600$ in the bank and is planning on paying her friends speeding ticket causing an accident for 420.00$ so she does not go to jail and that I need to send her the money for her deposit right away or she wont have a room in the college. I do not have the money until the 15th of this month to send her, I told her that, I also told her she needs to pay for her room and then I will send her the money on the 15th and restock her bank account so she has gas and food at college, she told me no Im not going to pay it I need to pay for my friends fine so she doesnt go to jail today, so can you send whatever you have so I can reserve the room, so I told her you either pay your dorm deposit today and reserve your room and I will send you money on the 15th, or pay your friends fine and risk not going to college and I will not send you anymore money.

Am I wrong for doing this? Or should she realize that my mother who is struggling and myself with 2 kids who doesn't have a lot of money to begin with is more important than her retarded friend who was speeding in snow caused and accident and now might go to jail because she cant pay her fine?

She expects everyone to pay for her while she spends her money on friends and brand name clothing for college, I want to help but I am so frustrated!!!!!!

Answer 1

First you got your own family. I know what you mean by standing by your mother to help out. But your sister is feeling that everyone needs to do for her. No get off her butt and work until she can qualify for something. Keep your money in your account. She has money to pay for someone else than she does not have her priority straight at all and must teach her before it gets worst on you and mother.

Stand firm on this issue with your sister. Teach her to be a better person and use this time to help mother out and with younger ones and be thinking only of herself.

Answer 2

Sounds like she needs to stay home.  why is she trying to help her friend? where is the friends family.  Let her get her priorities straight on her own.she might be pissed now but when she grows the h**l up she will understand

Answer 3

Good question!  The best advise I can give you is this:  She doesn't need to pay for her friend, but I am guessing her friend is pressuring her for the money.  Either way, you should try and stop her from wasting her money.  I know it sounds rotten, but you should figure out a way to trick her.  Get the $600 dollars away from her, otherwise she will spend it on her friend.  This will involve lying to her.  Either you or her mother needs to come up with a reason why she needs to give one of you the money.  You could promise to pay the fine, and then break your promise.  Its the only way to stop her from wasting the money.  When she gets angry you can explain to her why you did what you did.

Answer 4

well i think ur sister should not be spending money on friends cause thats hers and there are much more important things than spending it on friends so in a way ur doing the right thing and in a kinda way ur not cause she needs money but if she hadnt spent it on her friends she would have it so do what u think u should do

Answer 5

you are doing the right thing.  Your sister has just been introduced to the real world of grown ups.

She has a choice.  Friends fine or dorm room.  It's her's to make.  Make that clear to her.  If she elects to spend her money on the friend and waives her reservation - that is her call and her decision.  she will have no choice but to wait until next year to go to college and maybe by then she will have had time to grow up a bit.  In the interim, she can find a job and start saving her own money for college, clothes etc. . .

Answer 6

If you choose to help your sister, you are enabling her and that is a TERRIBLE thing.  You do not want to enable her to keep being irresponsible with her money.  You want to teach her how to get her priorities straight and how to manage her money.  Lending her the money would be plain wrong in this situation.  Don't do it.

Your sister will be mad at you, but in the long run, she'll come around.  It sounds like she needs to learn a lesson the hard way, and that is her own doing.  It is not your responsibility to pay her way.

She can get work study or get a job and go to school if she wants to.  My sister did that.  It's difficult, but if my sister can do it, so can yours.  Let her pull herself up by the boot straps and figure out what life is all about.  Don't enable her to keep on mismanaging her money by paying her way.

Answer 7

I think you are on the right track.  I hope I don't offend you when I say this, but your sister sounds like a spoiled brat.  I paid for all my own schooling working part-time and attending college full-time.

Right now you need to show tough love, I can understand she wants to help her friend out, but doesn't her friend have any family and if so why aren't they helping her, maybe they think she needs to learn a lesson.

You are not wrong if your sister decides to help her friend and lose out on the dorm room that is her problem not yours.  People have budgets and bills and money doesn't grow on trees, sounds like your sister for some reason doesn't get that.