Surviving an affair?

Question

For those who stayed in your marriage after an affair, how did it work for you? Did your marriage survive? Did your relationship get stronger or weaker? Do you have any regrets? What would your advise be to those who decide to stay?

My husband had an affair six months ago and we decided to work it out. He came clean about everything and admitted that it was a mistake. He and I went to counseling and I think it's made our relationship stronger. I'm curious to hear about others who survived this trial and how there doing now. Going through something this devastating is painful but my husband and I hope that we use the lessons we learn and create an even stronger union now.

Thanks for sharing your story.

Answer 1

He had an affair....you think its hard on you...just imagine how the person he had an affair with feels. After all he is working it out with you and not her. It could have been the other way around. I believe that cheating and love are two different issues. I have done it, and so has he, but we worked through it.. You not only have to be the Wife, you have to take a step back and be their friend...were humans and humans mess up sometimes. But it doesn't have to cause a divorce! It can work, all you have to do is want it to.

Answer 2

Once a cheater always a cheater... Real people don't ever forget an affair. It can be forgoten, but it stays on your heart.

it is not healthy to stay with a person who doesn't respect or cares for you.

Answer 3

my husband said he expected me to leave and actually told me in a place where i couldnt go away without him because we didnt have a car and were in another city...haha good planning on his part. i think it has made him realize what he could have lost. i dont know if it really made us stronger or not but i think he may have a new appreciation for us because he thought he would lose us.  i realize that things can happen. we had been apart (not seperated in our marriage though) for a while.  i chose to forgive him. but the person above is right in that you never totally forget.  

Answer 4

well being a man that has been unfaithful to my wife in the recent past, i can say this i don't believe once a cheater always a cheater i did it and it was a mistake.  I am now paying for it i feel so insecure about myself right now all i do is suspect my wife and make stupid mistakes.

I love her and i hope to make my marriage work if you have any other advice i would appreciate it.

Answer 5

Yes our marriage survived the affair. Our relationship is now stronger as we got through something most marriages can never survive. Instead of turning away from each other, we turned toward each other to rebuild the trust that was lost. Just renewed our vows on August 23rd and it was absolutely wonderful. The pain does go away, the trust does come back and your marriage can be one of mutual love, respect and honesty again.

It is up to the two people involved and only them if they wish to continue the marriage. I am not saying it is the right thing to do, but it was for us. It is a decision only the person 'cheated on' can make and one that should not be made in haste.

Answer 6

My wife had an affair that lasted for five months and we also decided to work it out. I found out about it four months ago and then she came clean. We went to counseling and still am, she fell in love with the guy and am almost over him now,it is still painful when I think about it, I try to forget about the whole thing but it is not easy  

Answer 7

My wife was having an affair with another guy.  The guy is not even in the same state, he was actually an old friend and they were having a "dirty talk messaging affair"    I got the cell phone records from 6 months back and traced the "affair"  back to only 10 days.   But both she and him spoke quite a bit and exchanged several text messages and even dirty photos (which still pisses me off to date) within those 10 days.  

She came clean and said they were never physical, but intentions were there to meet 2 months later.    My wife and I worked it out and made our relationship stronger.  It made me realize that I was not giving her the sexual attention she needed.  s*x life is better than before, she does "dirty talk" in bed and we exchange dirty messages randomly through the week.  

As far as the guy....  I joined a boxing gym, got a personal trainer and come October, I am going to pay him a visit and break his lip and a finger or two for getting involved with married women.

No regrets to date.