Swearing at primary school?

Question

My 10yr old son is a wonderful child. He is polite, helpful, loving and bright. You couldn't ask for a better behaved child. He respects me as a parent, but we also speak very freely and openly with one another. He's not the kind of child, that if he were to spill something that he would try and hide it for fear of repercussions. He knows he can speak to me about anything, and in turn i try to be as forward and honest with him as possible. Recently he told me that he has been using swear words at school occassionally. Not in general conversation, but when provoked and to another child that uses bad language. I was shocked, he never ever swears at home. I know he's been exposed to these words (through the media, and i guess through me and other adults - i'm not big on swearing but sometimes one slips out!), but he is well aware that they're 'bad' words. He's even reprimanded me from time to time for swearing! So he knows full well that he shouldn't be using them and i personally have never heard him use them, nor have any teachers as i've never had any feedback of that nature from his school. But he told me this voluntarily and freely. If i were to punish him, this would simply teach him that there's some things he should keep hidden from me. If he just hadn't told me then i wouldn't know and he wouldn't be in trouble, but i can't exactly give him a green light to use this language just because he's been honest about it! Does there come a time where you just have to accept potty mouth on the playground? Should you ever punish a child for being honest? I have plans possibly for next year to move him into a private school, at the moment he attends a public school which does have a significant amount of lower socioeconomic families. I don't think though that this is just a case of him hanging around with the 'bad' kids. How would you stop this kind of behaviour without punishment?

Answer 1

Sounds to me like he is being pressured (through the other child swearing) to swear when provoked by bad behavior.  I think the reason he told you is he wants advice on how to deal with these situations.  I would not punish a child for telling me the truth. I don't think you are raising a bad child, unlike the other post, but raising a child that would call you in crisis.  Give him some ideas on how to deal with this bully!

Answer 2

you are against punishment.  by your logic, anything your son does wrong is ok by you as long as he is honest about it with you.    so when he is 16 and goes to a party and gets drunk and drives home, and tells you about it, you arent going to punish him.  you are creating a monster.  If my child told me that they had been cussing at school they would be in serious trouble.

Answer 3

There is nothing wrong with your relationship with your child and it doesn't mean you believe anything goes.  Your son is probobly asking you for help.  He knows he shouldn't be cursing and it isn't making him feel good about himself.  This is a learning and discussing opportunity.  Your primary goal is to stop the swearing.  If you can do this while further building a respectful relationship, great.  

You should not accept a certain amount of potty mouthed behaviour.  There are some kids who are terrible but MOST are not and many never curse at all.  That being true, I'm not sure you would find fewer potty mouths at a private school.  Some rich kids are real brats.

Tell your son you're glad he shared his problem with you.  That sets it in the perspective of a problem that you can solve together.  When pressured by this boy,  he is reacting in a way that is unlike himself.  He needs to learn better self control in these situations.  What is the other child doing to provoke him?  (Is this a repeated bullying situation?)  How does he respond now and how does it make him feel?   How does the other child react to your son's curse words?  Brainstorm with your son other things that he could do in this situation.  Don't be afraid to say "Lets think about this until tomorrow and then we can talk about it."  Then see what solutions you have each come up with.  

This can be a good learning experience for you both.  You can learn to talk through a problem together, the behaviour is still clearly defined as unacceptable and your son learns how to react better when he faces undesireable peer pressure.  

It's great that your son trusts you.  

Answer 4

Your against punishment, Your kids gonna realize you don't do anything to stop him and hes gonna get out of controll, It is good that hes honest about it but you need to do something.

Edit: Amy G above me is completely wrong, not punishing your kid if hes honest about it. "Oh Dad I threw a rock through the neighbors window" Its bull c**p honestly, hes gonna have full control over you..

Answer 5

So what, the kid said a few bad words. it isn't the end of the world. If it was something more serious you should probably punish him in someway but just for swearing, i would let this go. In this case if u do end up punishing him he will just continue to swear except he won't be telling you about it.

Answer 6

I'm all for kids being honest but if they tell you they are doing something wrong and you say nothing you are condoning the behavior.

The odd time my daughter has confessed poor behavior I have told her that I am not happy with the behavior and hope that she will learn to deal more effectively with that situation in the future, sometimes we will brainstorm things that she could say or do instead. In the case of swearing I suppose I would point out if the teacher or principle were to hear her, she would have to deal with the reprocussions and I would not make any excuses on her behalf as she knows better.  

I wouldn't ground her but I would let her know if I overheard such talk she would be grounded.