THIS IS GETTING REALLY DIFFICULT! I NEED ANSWERS! PLEASE!

Question

yesterday i posted a question, that i have 6 younger sisters who were told that there parents are dead because they were in a car accident! and that i don't know how to take there mind off it1 there between the age of 2and11 ! anywayz i got alot of feedback from the question! that i should tell them that there going to be in a better place in heaven! and to pray! and take councelling! yesterday night i told them a bed story about all the good things mommy and daddy did with us! and it really helped! but today im back to square one were there all crying and realizing the reality that Mommy and Daddy! are gone! and i don't know what to do to make them stop for a couple of minutes its been about 4 hours straight of crying! my aunt is out grocery shopping! and shes not going to be back till late tonight! soo I REALLY NEED HELP! please!

Answer 1

I really feel bad for your situation.  Not only are your siblings going through a bad time, you are as well plus with the added pressure of dealing with now being the lead in your family.  I feel that a combination of time and counseling will help.  I agree with some others that time is needed, and grieving will have to occur  It is natural for them to cry for long periods of time.  Days weeks even months.  Time is a key factor.  Physiologically we will become resilient to the trauma and learn to live with the loss.  Prayer also works.  Tell them to pray openly with you to the lord and have them send messages to there parents.  Ask them questions, like what they think there parents would want from them including if they think mommy and daddy want them to be so sad.  Good luck....

Answer 2

that is just how it is, that is life honey, can't really do much at all when life moves its path. And for them crying, please do not react to it, it doesnt mean you just going to laugh but do not feel sorry for them, the more you do, the more you're feeding their "body of pain" and the more they cry and suffer. Please be alert, aware and accept. The moment you do this, the problem lessens.

Oh and please, dont put any effort on doing so coz it will just stress you out in the end of the day, like back from square one next day also??... Just let things be.

KR

Answer 3

Play some games with them, watch whatever movie that they would like to watch, go out and get ice cream- anything to take their mind off of it temporarily. The only thing that heals a broken heart is time though and they have lost the most important people in their lives.

Day by day things will get better!

Answer 4

you are in a rough spot, but the fact is they NEED to cry, let them.

Answer 5

I would just tell them that mommy and daddy don't want you to be sad. It is just they're way of grieving and if you just stick with telling them that their parents are still there in spirt and they can talk to them any time if they are having trouble with something. I am so sorry to hear about your loss, and I hope things get better for the children.

Answer 6

My post is not really meant for young children, but you may derive some benefit and ideas from it.

Let me join with the others, here, in offering you condolences on your loss. Go to www.mind.org.uk/ and type "grief" in the taskbar, and enter.                         Call: The Grief Recovery Institute (U.S.A.) 1-800-445-4808, or Hospice (phone book). Email [e-mail]  Chatrooms and forums: www.chatmag.com/topics/health/grief.html and http://talkingminds.15.forumer.com/ and http://messageboards.ivillage.com/  Other websites: www.griefnet.org/ and www.helpguide.org/ (coping, supporting others, loss of relationship, or pet) and www.mental-health-abc.com/ and www.boblivingstone.com/?q=node30 and www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/ Understand that there are often several stages of grief.

The stages are:

Denial: The initial stage: "It can't be happening."

Anger: "Why ME? It's not fair?!" (either referring to God, oneself, or anybody perceived, rightly or wrongly, as "responsible")

Bargaining: "Just let me live to see my son graduate."

Depression: "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"

Acceptance: "It's going to be OK."

Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). This also includes the death of a loved one and divorce. Kübler-Ross also claimed these steps do not necessarily come in order, nor are they all experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two.

See www.amazon.com/  for books on the various stages. After a while, consider making a photoalbum/scrapbook and/or a shrine, in remembrance, and set aside one day per month on which to reflect. Many religious organisations offer counselling, or you may feel more comfortable with a therapist, to express your thoughts, and feelings. Journalling may help in this. If there is depression: visit your doctor, and see depression treatments, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris in section 2.

Suggested Resources on Grief and Mourning:  Beyond Grief: A guide for recovering from the death of a loved one; and: Men and grief: A guide for men surviving the death of a loved one, New Harbinger Productions Inc. 5674 Shattock Ave, Oakland, CA 94609 Phone: [phone]

James, J. W. & Friedman, R. (1998). The Grief Recovery Handbook, Collins.                                                                                                                                                                    Grollman, E. (1995). Living when a Loved One has Died, Beacon Press.

Livingstone, B. (Planned August, 2007). The Body-Mind-Soul Solution: Healing Emotional Pain through Exercise, Pegasus Books.

Simon, S, & Drantell, J. J. (1998). A Music I No Longer Heard: The Early Death of a Parent.        

            Livingstone, B. (2002). Redemption of the Shattered: A Teenager's Healing Journey through Sandtray Therapy, boblivingstone.com/  

Tatelbaum, J.  The Courage to Grieve. Creative Living, Recovery and Growth through Grief. New York: Harper & Row.



Try the free US calls via www.coolnurse.com/hotline.htm

Answer 7

just keep doing what you're doing. also, let them cry! it's okay to be sad! only time can heal pain. i'm so sorry for your loss.

Answer 8

i agree with the first answer,they need to cry. and so do you. dont be afraid to let out your own feelings because you are going through the same thing as them. if you thinkyou need some alone time try getting your sisters into sports or clubs if not try to find a hobby like collecting or knitting or making jerwlerly that they (and maybe even you can do) it should take thier mid off things for a while and keep them busy but remember you are all going through a healing process which takes a lot of time and crying

Answer 9

please stop trying to get them to stop crying...you will only frustrate yourself into sickness.   honey...let them cry...join them...you all NEED to express this overwealming grief.  it is WAY too soon for the little ones to get control of the grief..all they can do right now IS cry...let them..it is actually  good for them...they will stop when they have worn themselves out...and if it starts again...same thing ...each session will be shorter and less volitile.  only time can fix this...you all need a chance to let it out without inhabition...go for it ...you WILL  feel better, it will take a while, but i promise, it WILL happen.....been there many years ago myself....i know from experience that this WILL pass, you have to be patient with them AND yourself...go and have a good cry with the little ones...then need to do this.

Answer 10

Tell them about how there parents would want them to be brave and also that it is not bad to cry about it and if they have any regrets about not telling them something tell them they can tell you anything and your parents will always be with you and help you. Don't remind them of there parents it sounds mean but they don't need that right now,all they need is a helping hand who will always be there to tell them everything is going to be alright, if they mention them then just go and talk to them about what they feel and try to get them to open up and let their emotions out and remind them about how there parents are proud of them and that they will always be with you and if things turn rough that you and your parents will always be there.

Answer 11

In the last six months, you've asked a dozen questions. Your parents were killed in a car crash six months ago; a month later your mother's best friend lost a baby and you wanted to know how to cheer your mother up again. You've had five sisters, and now you have six. The oldest sister was 12 a couple of months ago, and is now 11. Amazingly all six of you were also getting your periods at the same time- that's quite a feat when all five (six?) sisters are under 11 (12?).

Questions like these bring up painful memories for people who have experienced genuine loss. Maybe you really have lost your parents, in which case I'm very sorry for you. If that's the case, you'll only manage to get through it if you face the real problems instead of making up false questions.

Answer 12

Time will only heal that kind of pain! Sorry, but nothing is going to make them forget right away. TIME

Answer 13

I hope I get best answer for this:

My father's dad died when my father was 9... and it was hard for him. So, what my dad had to do for his younger brothers [3 of them] was take them out for walks EVERY SINGLE NITE and as they walked, he'd talk to them about all the funny memories. But if they cried, they'd start walking home... Now, they'd like to be away from the house because it reminds them so much of their parents so when u start walking home, they'll be like NO NO PLZ!... So, they are forced not to cry. But, when you go out and get some air, everything goes away. Talk about school, what you did that day, COMMUNICATE.... Try to take them to places like the pool when it's hot, the park, and amusement parks... Don't let them cry themselves to sleep. Sit in the living room and watch a show til 9:30pm, make sure they had a nice cup of hot chocolate milk or some type of desert, brush their teeth, and then tuck them all into bed and make sure they have smiles on their faces for school the next day.. Summer nights? Watch a movie. Make sure they're comedies. & make sure everyone laughs. But most of all... Make sure they look up to you as a mom and do as great of a job as she ever would.  

Answer 14

since they are so young its understandable that they are upset because their parents are the people that they relied on to take care of them.  like everyone else said, it takes time to heal, in truth they will never be over it, but as time goes by they will learn to except it.  i would be more worried if they weren't displaying any signs of sadness.  ask them if they want to watch a movie (a happy one) or read/tell them a happy story, that could cheer them up.

Answer 15

Well as for the 2 year old, I'm sure he/she doesn't understand what "mommy and daddy died" means. They're probably just crying because they want attention or are hungry. As for the older ones (6-11 year olds) you have to let them cry. They won't cry forever, but their parents just died. I would be crying a h**l of a lot myself, and I would definitely not want anyone to tell me to stop. Pay attention to the younger ones because they're easier to stop. Give them bottles, pacifiers, toys, etc. Then talk to the older ones that actually understand what's going on. Just hug them and sit with them until they stop or fall asleep. I don't think there's anything you can really say that hasn't already been said.