THis is a stupid english assignment..Is it ok.?

Question

Smack! Smack! Slapping gravel with my new ebony and black Nike's down Breckonwood Street,my eyes frantically dart from row upon row of houses.I feel like a baby exposed to the world with new eyes. Eyes of fear and curiosity.My stomach does somersaults as I search with my eyes for the number 63. Alexandra said that in front of her house lies a wagon wheel.I spot a rusty brown wagon wheel sleeping beside a bed of flowers.Birds are chirping their sweet summery song.The steps to her house are made of solid cobblestone.There is a small pink bicycle leaning against the brick porch walls, probably belonging to her younger sister. I warily look at the deep brown door and for a second I want to be a chameleon camouflaging into the sturdy wood.Shakingly, I bring my finger to poke the doorbell to life.Through the door, I hear the midst of family life, the thump-thump of running feet down the stairs, and a sihlouette of a slender woman approaching the door. I tap my feet as I await anxiously.

Answer 1

i don't get it

Answer 2

This is pretty good overall. Kudos to you!

"Slapping ..." is a dangling participle because it modifies "my eyes," which wouldn't be slapping the gravel with your new Nikes. So that sentence needs to be recast.

I guess I'm not sure how your shoes are "ebony and black" unless I take it in some sort of Piet Mondrian way.

"My stomach does somersaults" is kind of disappointing because it's a glaring cliche.

The repetition of "wagon wheel" in the sentence right after you've used it could be improved. Maybe you'd just want to say "I spot a rusty brown one". The reader will know what "one" refers to.

"Birds ... song" is also cliche, but for some reason it doesn't bother me as much as the somersaults do.

Chameleon image is good, esp. with "sturdy" used to describe the wood.

Don't really like "shakingly". Do like "poke the doorbell to life".

In the sentence beginning "Through the door", you use "hear" as the verb for every one of your three direct objects (midst, thump-thump, silhouette). But "hear" doesn't work with "silhouette".

In the next sentence, you use "await", but it always requires a direct object. What you want to use is "wait". This sentence is also kind of cliched. Maybe you'd at least want to use "Nikes" instead of "feet"....

Anyway, there's a good rhythm and length to your sentences, and they do give a pretty good picture of what's going on and where it's happening. And "Smack! Smack!" is a great beginning. You draw in the reader right away. Good particularity in naming the street, giving the house number, mentioning the wagon wheel, etc. It's that kind of specificity that gives the reader confidence in the writer and really helps paint the picture, give the story and the people inhabiting it individuality.

Hope this helps. Good luck!