TRAPPED POEM.........

Question

Which is better?

T-esseract is where we are,

a sophisticate living place.

R-easoning is needed every time,

chiming though the grey pathways.

A-lone by myself might seem saddening,

but it doesn't matter for it's reality.

P-hilosophical thinking is the basis for everything,

do not be so shallow in this century of new age living.

P-erplexing thoughts bug my morality and my mind,

but since it's in search for the truth I try not to whine.

E-ternal living and the unknown is imagined,

sending me to a deepened grey pit and wondering about a mortal soul.

D-epressing all these are,

living me hopeless in a bizarre.

OR

T-esseract is where we are,

a sophisticated living place.

R-easoning is needed every time,

going though the grey pathways.

A-lone by myself might seem saddening,

but it doesn't matter for it's reality.

P-hilosophical thinking is the basis for everything,

do not be so shallow in this new age living.

P-erplexing thoughts bug my morality and my mind,

but since it's in search for the truth I try not to whine.

E-ternal living and the unknown is imagined,

sending me to a deep grey pit and wondering about a mortal soul.

D-epressing all these are,

never-ending in hopelessness.

Answer 1

The second version according ot me more complete both from technique and well as meaning point of view.

There are four changes in all; Teh last one , ie. in the last line is the most important. -

never-ending in hopelessness.

The rhythm is definitely better in this line, gives us also a clear hope about the future, and does not leave us feeling bizarre.