Table Manners...Help!!!?

Question

I have a 2 year old (boy) and a ten year old (girl). The 2 year old is my child. The 10 year old is my step daughter but we have full custody of her. My 2 year old is in the process of learning table manners. He says the blessing, says please and thank you and he doesn't chew with his mouth open or talk with food in his mouth. He is a bit messy, but we are working on that. My daughter, however, has horrible manners. She chews with her mouth open, talks with her mouth full, shovels food in, spills food, interrupts people, jumps in front of everyone at events, starts eating before the blessing, puts her elbows on the table, etc. She makes meal times quite miserable. I try to correct her, but it never works. She starts crying. I don't know what to do with her. I know that my son is picking up horrible habits from her and I know that she is going to have a difficult time socially. I was thinking about doing, like, a Ten Commandments of Table Manners. Any advice?

Answer 1

Have her sit on the floor and eat .. tell her if she can't eat like a human the she can't eat at the table.

Answer 2

Get on your stepdaughter's case about it. Before the meal, remind her to use proper manners. If they are atrocious, warn her one time to improve them. If she continues, she doesn't finish her meal. Simple as that. She's training you AND your son.

Answer 3

I agree with the class thing.  She's tired of hearing it from you, but if she was in a special tea party manners class or something, more of it would sink in coming from an "expert" instead of nagging mom.

After the class, you could give her an incentive to keep it up, like that the family could go out to dinner at a restaurant she chooses, or you could make a fancy candlelit dinner at home or something.

Answer 4

Consistency, consistency, consistency.  First time she does something wrong at a meal, remind her how she should behave.  Don't talk down to her like "That's disgusting." Just keep it simple,"We chew with our mouths closed."  If she does it again, tell her she is excused from the table, send her to her room and tell her she can come back when she is ready to behave properly.  If she comes immediately, that's fine.  As long as she corrects the behavior.  It will be a pain at first, but as soon as she realizes you are serious and are going to be consistent, the behaviour will change.

Also, read the book "Kid Cooperation" by Elizabeth Pantley

Answer 5

Your husband needs to take care of this since he's the biological parent.  Somehow explain to her you are trying to help her because you love her, not to make fun of her!

Answer 6

When I was about her age, I was in girl scout's and we had an ettiquite class.  We learned table manners.  It really helped me!  Why don't you sign up for something like that with her!

Answer 7

I have the same problem with a child I babysit every other week.  I have explained to her that it is not socially acceptable to chew with mouth open, wipe face on her sleeve, talk with mouth full of food.  I used specific examples of how and why it is not acceptable, and if you relate it to peers and how they will treat them, it seems to help.  I think having a "ladies only" tea party, or fancy lunch/dinner for just the two of you would be helpful.  Dress up nicely, and then in the privacy of your own home, tell her to observe your table manners, and then mimic them.  Show her how to be a lady, not just tell her.  And then when she shows improvement, praise her a lot to help build her esteem.  Make a date for just the 2 of you to go to a restaurant as a goal for her to attain when her table manners are impeccable.  I admire you for helping her and remember that love goes a long way in helping others learn.