Tacher took the lead part away from my daughter and gave it to......?

Question

a girl in the class who cried and whined,

"I always get the big parts, ALWAYS."

I am so livid, but unfortunately it is summer time and I am not sure I am able to do anything about it now. I still have her email address so I could send her an email. I know this girl and she does cry and whine anytime she doesn't get her way. Her parents give her everything (the are former friends of mine) because she was born with a malformed hand and forearm. Why is the teacher reinforcing this horrible gimme gimme gimme attitude she has?

My daughter should have come to me the day it happened, I was suffering some deep depression all last year and I can understand where she wouldn't feel ok about approaching me with it, my depression is being treated now and our relationship is much better so hopefully this year things will be different in that respect.

Anyways, what can I do, what should I do, what would you do?

Answer 1

Don't do anything.  You can't be sure that the part was given because of the whining.  Even if it was, it's past, and it's hardly useful to show your daughter that the solution is to whine about it.  

Chalk it up as a good lesson for your daughter that she won't always get what she wants; that smaller parts can be fun, too; and even that life isn't always fair.  Tell your daughter that if she feels cheated again another time she can raise the issue with the teacher herself -- politely and respectfully.  That's always a more useful thing for kids to try than to have their parents jump in and try to solve their problems for you.

Answer 2

Don't talk to the teacher...you'll be wasting your time and breath. You aren't sure 100% what happened and the choice has already been made. This decision made by the teacher, though it was an EXTREMELY poor one, is not academically or really hurtful to your child and bringing it up now isn't going to do anything. Trust me.

I hate where I hear, "I was afriad to tell the teacher." out of a child's mouth and it's one of the reasons why I remind my students almost daily that if they have a problem, especially with something I did/said, to bring it to my attention 1 on 1 while the rest of the class is working/reading/playing etc. There's no reason to be afraid. What is the worst thing that can happen?

If this had happened to one of my kids, I would turn it into a lesson for them: bring issues like this to the attention of the teacher in a respectful manner. It's 100% completely fine to do this as long as you do it respectfully. There is NOTHING wrong with saying to the teacher, "Can I talk to you about a decision you made/something you did/a mark you gave etc? I don't think it was fair." If the teacher will not agree to THE TALK at some point in time, she should bring it to the attention of an adult.

Sometimes teachers make certain decisions because they believe the class as a whole will be better off, when it turn, that's not the case. She believed that giving this child the part would keep the rest of the students from having to listen to her whine/complain etc AND, probably the true reason, keep her off the child's parents' radar. From her decision though, she ended up upsetting certain children and I'm sure teaching a few that if you bring attention to yourself, you'll get what you want.

Best Wishes =]

Answer 3

I'm pretty sure you shouldn't do anything, atleast not as far as confronting the teacher is concerned. You should explain to your daughter that this world is an unfair place and that we often don't get what we deserve. But being graceful, even when slighted, is a character trait that will benifit her for the rest of her life. Chances are, someday that poor girl who whines and cries when she doesn't get her way, will meet someone who doesn't give a c**p that she is used to being treated special, and will have to figure out how to deal with that situation. In the mean time, let your daughter know that she is special, if only to you, and that you can celebrate the fact that you handled the situation in the best way possible, by treating yourselves to some quality mother/daughter time.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Your daughter seems to have much more character than this other child.  Congrats to her for being the more mature.

I don't really see how you could anything other than "whine and cry" to the teacher your self.  If you did go to her you might inadvertently send your daughter the message that to get what SHE wants she needs to while and cry also.  Unfortunately, the squeaky wheel gets the oil, but it's still good to NOT be the squeaky wheel.  

Instead, I would suggest having a good talk to her about how it makes her feel and how you are very proud of her for NOT whining and crying and that sometimes in life things happen that are not fair but we must continue on being the bigger person and taking the high road.  Help her to feel better about her part in the performance and explain that even though it may not be the lead part, she is definitely 'leading' in the character issue.

  If you WANT to say something to Teacher,I would secretly write a letter to the teacher and explain to her that your daughter has been hurt by this and that you are writing to her because you want her (the teacher) to know how her bad decision (the decision to give the part to someone simply because she whined about it) has made you daughter feel.  Tell her you don't want your daughter to know you wrote her because your daughter has chosen to quietly accept the wrong.  Explain to the teacher that this particular child is spoiled and whiny and that she (the teacher) is only reinforcing it by giving her the part she wanted.

Good for you for raising a confident child that doesn't feel the need to whine her way through life.

Kudos to your little girl!

Answer 5

make sur you get the whole story first. This may not be the case but maybe your daugter was jealous so she lied about it. I would email the teacher and say my daugter is feeling bad about not getting the lead role in the play. She told me a story about it actually, and im nnot sure if its true. Could you give me the story about who got the lead role?

Answer 6

That stinks.  

At this point, I don't think there's much you can do.  And, the teacher probably won't be teaching this child again next year, anyway.  

So, I'd concentrate on the lessons & mesages for your daughter.  

"Sometimes things aren't fair.  "

"I'm proud of you for making the most of the situation that you ended up in.  Did you have fun, anyway?"  

"What do you think you might do differently next time?"

Answer 7

If it happened a while ago then you may as well let it go because it's done now. If it happened recently approach the teacher and ask her what happened and why she did what she did, if it turns out to be correct then ask her to re-instate your daughter in her original role.

Let your daughter know that you are proud of her what ever part she has in the production and how glad you are that she doesn't behave like that other little girl.