Take the son or leave him & what about the husband?? Help?

Question

I am 26 have been married for going on 2 years and my husband 29 years old has a 9 year old son that lives with us and I have no kids of my own. My husband is now in jail for child support for 2 other kids of his that do not live with us. Due to he owed child support made it really difficult for him to find a good job because they put 2 felonies on his record and suspended his driver's license and the jobs he would apply for just see that he has a felony and turn him down. So mainly I have been the bread winner for quite sometime and since I have been the only one working it has put me in a big financial hole to the point where I can't see my way out because I would take out payday loans to try and make up his half and lots of other bills have fallen behind because I can only do so much. It looks as if my husband will be in jail for quite some time and I don't know what to do because I am stuck in this big mess to clean up by myself plus to care for his son. Since he has been in jail, I got an $800 phone bill to pay because of him and all he can say is sorry like always, but that changes nothing. My friends are all telling me that since he has not been helping me out all of this time, I should just leave his son with my husbands mom (which she wants to take him) and move on since I don't have the dead weight laying around anymore since my husband is in jail. They all keep telling me that his son is not my responsibility and that I feel obligated to take care of him since we are married, but since I have no kids of my own that I should move on with my life and try to get back on track with all of these bills. I don't know what to do because my heart is really attached to my stepson and he has no other mother, his real mom left him on the doorstep when he was a few weeks old and never came back for him and its been 9 years. I'm the only mom he has known for the last 5 years. I guess I feel stuck because I look at it as marriage is for better or worse and when something bad happens you just can't run, but I don't think I can take anymore stress, I am at my limit. I feel really stupid, but I didn't do the things I did out of stupidity it was out of love. Hoping that if I show unconditional love, I would get the same. I'm not saying he doesn't love me, but his lack of finances is the root of all of our problems that I seem to be buried under. My husband could have tried a lot harder than what he was doing, I understand he had felonies blocking him for child support, but he could have done more. I would always make suggestions as far as different places to look for a job and he acted as it were beneath him to go to the places, just because I would get so mad I would go and pick up the applications myself (he would let them sit there), I made his resume and filled out the application for him, the only thing he had to do was sign it and go to the d**n interview, that's it. That was my way of (what I thought) helping. He never had been on his own before and I was on my own when we met, so I had the independent mindset and had a lot of determination verses him that was more laid back about things getting taken care of. All I had to take care of was me and now a husband and a stepson. Its too much. I wanted to so many times teach him a lesson, but I don't want to make the child suffer, but at the same time all I have been doing is taking care of everyone else. I just feel like I took on a huge burden extended family to add more exspenses to my life and put me in the hole and I don't know what to do. Please help.

Answer 1

WOW!!! I wish you the best of luck, girl. And your stepson. I wish I had some advice for you....sorry.

Answer 2

Sorry for your dilemma the thing is it is not your stepson's fault. All he knows know is dad is gone. You say he may be down for awhile. Are you going to stick around? I mean ride it out for him? Or are you divorcing him. If you are splitting up then maybe the child should go with mom. But if you plan on staying together then keep the boy. Don't send him bouncing where he doesnt need to be. It's not his fault his mom doesnt want him and his daddy is in jail. Be good to him and show him how much you care.

If you do keep him go apply for some assistance. All you have to do is show proof his dad is in jail and the state or someone will help you out especially since he isnt yours. Might help lessen the burden of bills.

Good luck  

Answer 3

Wow this is absolutely horrible. No woman should ever have to go through something like this. I am sorry that you have to deal with it. However, you are right marriage is for better and for worse. My mom has always said that unless he is physically abusing you you have made a commitment and you need to do your absolute best to keep that commitment. Try hard, if you love him so much consider counseling. It gets even harder when you have a child. And for your stepson to not have his birthmom around I am sure he looks to you as his mother. He would feel horrible for a second mom to leave him. This may put alot of stress on the little boy and may put him in therapy. You need to take care of yourself, but if you have gotten to the point that it is unbearable and you honestly do not think there is anything that can fix it then you have to look out for what is best for you. Just make sure you are making the right decision and dont jump into it. Being on here and asking people what you should do may give you advice but no one of us can give you the answer you are looking for. You need to look deep down in your heart and find out what is meant to be. Good luck and go hug that little boy!