Taking a leaf out of Hydropro's book. What do you think?

Question

Rhyming Games

I'm wanting more,

the core revealed

like an apple peeled

(putting skin

in the bin)

exposing the flesh

Guess what I find?

Left behind

a kind of purity

surety that all

is bright

despite

wind-fall bruises.

The news is

the forbidden fruit

didn't take root.

Adam's seed

indeed

is alright.

(I don't have a clue what all that means - I was just allowing the rhyme to go wherever it wanted) That was fun. Why don't you have a try.

Answer 1

Neat!

So, what? You just start with an initial thought and let it roll?

Answer 2

I love this kind of musing and letting the words go, all sorts of stuff comes to light. This is rather good  actually.  :-)

Answer 3

All poetry comes from the brain, often from the subconscious. The poem has meaning, even if you don't see it.

Answer 4

Your poem delicately unpeeled,

and your message is revealed.

More than the tiny seeds,

where curiosity intercedes.

Answer 5

I Think you are Wonderful in your zest for Life,

and your words are really very nice.

Unfortunately,

Quite Plain to see,

Hydro is the one for me!

lol!

Answer 6

It gave me a big smile, and now my boss is worried that he has a hole in his pants or that his fly is open.  I wouldn't tell him why I was smiling.

Answer 7

Wonderful, flows from the deepest part!  And lots of meaning...

Answer 8

I started to look up 'punty' then realized my glasses were on my head...Oh, 'purity'...now I like it.

Answer 9

Have you been vaccuuming again?

Now if you really want appealing poetry and layers of meaning.....try onions. It's enough to make you wanna cry!

You are a natural rhymer Gran. All you rhymes will flow natrurally.

PS Good to see you disposed of the skin thoughtfully.  

Answer 10

You and your rhyming!  lol  A nice offering  Might want to rid yourself of some words like 'kind of'  'wind-fall' 'the'.  But could be me in how I read.

Here is my answer, do you hear?  lol

Rhyme time… hear?

Free verse fears

Words flow

Really glow

When beats

Sound neat

Rhyme time…here!

Answer 11

Very nice for spur of the moment... I'll see what I can do off the top of my head...

Desire balance leveled

but my outers disheveled

my wrinkled rough skin

heavily burdened by sin

revealing my soul

interrupting my whole

inward to collapse,fold

old age taking hold  

obscuring the beauty

mocking me lewdly

slapping me rudely

their eyes lacking vision

making poor decision                      

never seeing the seed          

never feeling the need            

they leave me defiled

yet I am Gods child

soon to be vilified

by his mercy and grace

smiles, tears flood my face

for all the seeds planted

not one will he forsake.

Answer 12

As I gleen

in between I see

What you mean

this reading between the line

supine tends to entwine the mind

bends to define the time when

I was cared for and shared more and fared

so much better because of you...

How'd I do?

Answer 13

The words,

surety,

understanding,

demaning nothing,

flow easy,

go with it,

not my style

while I admire

what can

transpire

among the pens

of others.

Great work, Granny, loved this one, not only the style but the message that though we are flawed, we are still human, still strong, still beautiful.

Answer 14

Good Poem. I am Muslim and we believe in all the Prophets including Adam, so this one is like a chocolate chip cookie to me.

I will try to decipher ur subconcious meaning.

1)Despite the tragic history of the forbidden fruit the believers (Adam's offspring) are not too bad off.

OR/and

2)Also, it could mean that despite all you been through in your life, you are pure and optimistic about life. You look to the light, to the good things. You are pleased with where you are now, and what you`ve become as a person.

This is actually a very deep poem. I love short poems with potent content! This is a very good one. It has little words and say alot about you. I'm I right???

You revealed your core, you are indeed very bright, and you did an excellent job with this rhyme scheme.

Answer 15

These sorts of poems are very fun and you've created a very nice one.  Sometimes just going where the words take you pays off just as this one has.  There is a distinct flow and continuity of thought within the rhyme and these short lines.  Well done.

Answer 16

G. Jill,

Love this one. It has a really fun rhythm. I like how it moves from one like image to another...core of an apple, to skin of an apple, to flesh.

I would have commented earlier but I've been in Sonnet h**l...it's like real h**l I imagine only it includes a heroic couplet.