Taking out stress on kids?

Question

I've been feeling really down lately. I'm home with my kids (4 and 6) for the summer (I'm a teacher) and although I was really excited to be with them, I feel like all I do is yell at them. I'm frustrated a lot at my husband, and I find that I take out all the stress I have on my poor kids, often freaking out at them about the dumbest things. This makes me depressed and I cry a lot feeling like I'm such a horrible mother. When I teach school I'm so patient and and calm, but at home I feel like a schizophrenic monster. I don't know how else to deal with my husband and then be patient with them when they don't listen to me when I ask them to do something like clean their rooms or put away their things. When I'm away from them I miss them and want to be with them, but it's like as soon as I'm back with them (or back in the house with my husband), I'm back to all the yelling and impatience. What can I do? I don't want them to hate me growing up...

Answer 1

smoke a joint lady ..god at least dont verbally abuse MY kids

Answer 2

When I read this i thought "Oh my goodness this woman is me". This is exactly what I am doing right now. I have a 16 mnth old daughter and a 5 year old son. He is on holidays for 2 weeks from school and I have been looking forward to it since the school year started. I had all these ideas of things i wanted to do with them and really get some quality time in. So far all I have done is yelled and cried and wished I was anywhere but here. As soon as I am away I feel so awful and can't wait to see them. And like you as soon as we are all home again I just want to scream. You are not alone. You are not a bad mother and you are not schizophrenic. They may be bored? I think my kids are. So I have been going to friends houses and having a cuppa while the kids play or i have had a friend over at my house to have a chat and a cuppa while the kids played. I got all of them to tidy up after. I am still slightly insane but those days are easier lol. Good Luck I can't offer much advice because I am going through it too but I have found myself a little less stressed doing this. Also I am considering hiring a cleaner once a week just for the holidays so I can have more time with them. Good Luck. I will be thinking of you in my moments of insanity lol. x

P.S They definitely won't hate you and when they have kids they will go oh ok thats why my mum was on her way to the funny farm hehe

Answer 3

Talk to your husband about the issues you guys are having!

Answer 4

you need to seperate your feelings from your husband from your kids. make them two seperate things in your head.

if you continue to take stress out on your kids and freaking out on them then telling them your sorry they are going to become confused and distant from you.

your not a bad mom dont worry about the past just focus on the now you havnt ruined anything =D

when your in a stressful situation take a second or two and contemplate what the best thing to do would be before you say or do anything. remind yourself if you need to that sometimes kids are just kids and do silly things.

keep your negative emotions towards your husband seperate from how you interact with your kids. it would be helpful to talk to your husband and work out the issues you two are going through but if thats not possible a positive bond with your kids could really make things easier for you to handle.

deep breaths. take some time for a hot bath or something else thats relaxing. and give your kids lots of hugs

Answer 5

well you know theres a problem..so fix it..when you find yourself being irrational just walk away, take 2 minutes breath it out and go back to the situation...you and your husband may need couples counseling

Answer 6

I know how u fell huni.  My kids are 3, 5 & 7 and I sometimes used to be just like that. I felt that all i dis was shout, tell them off, moan from the minute they get up til they went to bed and its really not fair on them.  

However, I am now much more at ease & my situation has changed. (now a single parent, not good but coping)

I decide on a Friday night with the kids what we are going to do for the weekend.  I explain to them that I have to do the housework when we get up on the Sat morning, they tidy their rooms (lol) and we arrange things to do be it  going to the park, into town for lunch,a friends house to play.  If its wet we have what I call a "Pyjama Day" & stay in our PJs all day painting, watching a dvd, eating popcorn and just messing around & the kids luv it.

My oldest even told me the other day he is glad to have his "Happy Mummy" back and i'll tell you I cried enough to flood my street, lol.

You just have to ensure that you also have the "me" time that you deserve and if you feel the main issue is with your husband then you need to address the problem be it counselling, seperating, quite break together.  I dont know what the issue is with him so can't really help there, soz.

Good luck & dont worry then wont hate you. xx

Answer 7

Here's something that works nicely for me, take a deep breath and give yourself a time out as well as the children, if they don't take their time out like they should  STILL take yours. Sometimes all it takes it for you to leave the situation for a few minutes to compose yourself and your thoughts to maintain yourself.

I know how you feel. I'm a stay-at-home mom and when the kids are at school I just can't wait for them to come home but if I have had a rough day (too many bills due that day and not enough money, hubby irritated me, etc.) when they get home it can be very trying even though I have missed them so much. The first thing I do when they walk in the door (even when they were little) I explain to them that I have had a rough day and it will not take much to upset me today, but for them to know that IT IS NOT THEM. I also tell them to please be on their best behavior and to give me some space. This also helps them learn that when they are frustrated that it's alright to feel this way. Now when they are having a bad day, even for absolutely no reason at all, the express themselves to everyone, letting them know and will give themselves "time-outs" if they are feeling particularly ugly (sitting in their room, going for a walk, etc.).

Anyway, point is time-outs work just as well for the parents as they do for the kids.