Tantrums? help!!?

Question

My 16 month old neice throws violent temper tantrums. Yesterday she ran into my sister's leg and fell by accident and wasn't hurt at all. She then proceeded to lay flat on the floor on her stomach and scream and cry while banging her head on the floor. Then we went out to eat last night and she had a tantrum in the restaurant for over 30 minutes. She was knocking things off of the table, screaming, yelling, hitting my sister and my brother-in-law in the face etc. My brother-in-law had to hold her tightly to restrain her to keep her from being so violent. The tantrum in the restaurant started out of nowhere. What could be causing this and how can they help deal with this? Time outs aren't working and they ignore it and she just gets louder. I'm worried she'll hurt herself or someone else if nothing is done. Also, could daycare have anything to do with this??

Answer 1

The fact that you allowed that child to bother fellow diners for a half an hour while the child screamed is crazy.  She should have been taking out of the restaurant as soon as the tantrum started.

She is too young for time out, she has no idea why you are putting her in time out at that age.  I suggest putting her in her crib at home when she begins to  throw a tantrum.  Walk out and shut the door.  If she doesn't go in a crib take all the things she can hurt herself with out of her room and stick her in her bedroom until she calms down.

At a restaurant she needs to go out of restaurant to the car as soon as it starts, when it's over she can come back in.

If she's at a store, leave, go to the car or go home.  

If you are someplace you can't leave, like a relatives house or somewhere then put her somewhere that she can't hurt herself and ignore her.  She may get louder, but if you continue to ignore her and you are consistant then she willl eventually realize the screaming isn't working and she will stop.

Time outs and spankings do not work at this age.

Answer 2

This is a classic battle of wills.  Her parents should have removed her immediately from the restaurant and gone home.  Sure they would have missed having a nice meal out, but how nice can it be when you're holding down a screaming toddler?  Also, why subject everyone else in the restaurant to her tantrum?  That's one of the sacrifices you sometimes have to make when you're a parent.  When my kids were small, if they threw a tantrum anywhere, we left immediately.  There were times when I actually left a half full grocery cart in an aisle, scooped up my screaming toddler and calmly left the store.  I had zero tolerance for tantrums and I never rewarded that behaviour.  My opinion is that daycare could be adding to this only because the daycare people have different rules and different tolerances than Mom and Dad do, so she's going to test the waters to see what she can get away with at home.

Answer 3

at 16 months old, she can't tell you what is going on in her life. She might be really frustrated about something, maybe day care. Your brother in law could have taken her outside, away from the situation, and only bring her back in if she calms down. You might want to talk to her pediatrician as well. Hopefully she will grow out of it, especially when she starts to communicate better. Also, when she throws a temper tantrum because she wants something, she should never, ever, get what she threw the tantrum about. You don't want to ever reward the behavior. Good luck!

Answer 4

if time outs arent working then try another method. spank the kid. yes i said spank. a little pat on the butt thats just enough to hurt a little never hurt anyone!!

Answer 5

Kids that age needs to know that there are certain "authority" that they need to respect. if you don't discipline them now, you will have a tougher time in future.

if spanking doesn't work, use the cane. i'm not talking about physical abuse, but some form of punishment is necessary to raise a kid. not all kids are created equal, so i don't believe in the "you should not beat your kid" way of raising kids.

Answer 6

I am studying to be an early child development teacher.  Before I did I would have been the first one to say spank that child.  But I learned I was wrong.  95%  of children who act out are upset, scared, lonely,hurt, or frustrated but they have not been taught how to say what they are feeling.  

So first of all, in a restuarant is not the place teach a child how to express theirself.  you said she had a tantrum for 30min.  Well that is about 28 min too long.  You should have taken you child outside and sat with her.  Say to her, I undersatnd you are upset about somethin, and what ever is bothering you its ok. We can talk about it when we get home.   But it is not appropriate to act the way you did in the restuarant.   It is not fair to the other people in the restuarant who want to eat in quiet.  And I say to you it is not appropriate for you to have allowed your niece to disrupt others people's meal, for over 30min.   Take the child home until you have taught her what behavior is acceptable.  

Now how?  Well when she acts up next, stop what you are doing take her to the side and ask her why is she acting that way.  Tell her that is she is upset, she can come to you and you will talk about how she feels.  Tell her that her bedroom is the only place that she is allowed to scream, and kick her feet.   If she does not stop take her to her room, sit with her for a while a minute or two, and aloow her to scream and kick.  After 2 minutes tell her she can stay in her room and kick, and scream as long as she wants.  As soon as she is finished she may come out.  She will push your bottoms, and as long as she has a tantrum she must stay in her room.  Check on her every 3-5 minutes, and ask her if she is ready to come out.  Now she may try to come out and have the tantrum in the livingroom, but you have to put her back in and each time explain  tantrums are only allowed in her bedroom. It may take a handfull of times, or more before she will realliz if she want to come out she need to stop her tantrum.  Good luck.

Answer 7

she might be trying to get more attention from you or anyone.

try ignoring her

Answer 8

my 15 month old is doing the same thing.  I read a book that kinda helped (I'm a first time mom and my husbands deployed so I'm having to deal with this all alone) But anyways back to the book.  In the book it said to view the tantrum as a performance.  Your her audience. My son did the fall on the floor bit too, he just laid there for a full 45 minutes crying and screaming in my house.  So now when he does it, I simply leave the room, and he no longer has an audience.  Its not an instant reaction, takes a few minutes but then he realized no one was watching him.  When I came back when he was just laying on the ground, he looked at me and started up again.  The books says to put them into time out if they start up again after the "cool down." So I simply put him into his crib and had him sit until he was finished. Now for public tantrums.  We can't leave our toddler of course so what they simply suggest is to take our child either to the bathroom or out to your car until they cool down and relax.  I know how hard it is to deal with a screaming child...my son threw a knife at the table across from us at a restaurant and the man sitting at the table screamed at me that I couldn't control my kid.  But give those couple ideas a try, see what works best, every kid is different.

Answer 9

The purpose for a tantrum is usually to gain either attention, or some other item (toy, candy, etc.).  The majority of the time though, it's for attention.

Like a previous post said, ignore her.  She needs to learn that throwing a tantrum does NOT get her what she wants.  At the same time, she needs to be praised when she is NOT throwning a tantrum.  Give her the toy or extra attention/affection when she is being good...you may even have to take these things away when she is tantruming.

Also, you have to be careful when removing the child from situations...sometimes the reason for the tantrum is to get out of a situation (for example, she may have wanted to leave the restaurant).  If a child is tantruming because he or she wants to go home (if out somewhere), taking him or her home only teaches the child that tantrum=going home.

Being consistent is also key.  Find a solution that works and stick to it 100% of the time...no exceptions.