Teachers and Parents, am I in the wrong?

Question

I work with children aged 5-10 and when they make a pretty big mistake (last week boys were caught urinating on the wall in the bathroom), rather than just time out I have them write an apology letter to those affected, in this the janitor who had to clean it up. Well I guess I might have to talk with the director of the program I work with because parents have complained about it, saying, it is "negative writing" and that the children will end up hating to write in the future. Please people, tell me that I am not doing a bad thing, I thought it was a very positive punishment, much more affective than just sitting them out for a few minutes. Why is it parents are afraid to upset their children. I remember when I would get in trouble at school, my parents were so happy the teacher told them how I was doing, today it seems the parents are bothered by it. I am about to go crazy at work because it seems the parents truly dont care.

Answer 1

well considering when i was in kindergarten my principal gaveus swats for bad behavior so i would love for a teacher to take the initiative to have my child (god forbid my child would be a hellion) write an apology letter rather than time out time out is BS kids now a days get away with murder b/c there parents are sissies they bow down to what there children say and want the world will be ran by sissy mamas  boys and girls when they get to that age. I SAY GOOD JOB we need more teachers like you

Answer 2

Let me say "yeah!!!"  A teacher that makes them do the right thing.  I have 3 ages 15,13, and 12 and I think time out stinks.  (May kids sometimes still get timeout but they mostly hate it cause I make them stand up in the middle of the room) I have also assigned my kids to writing or research.  I have gotten stupid calls at work like =your kid had gum in class.  that annoyed me but what you did was great   Wish we had more teachers like you.

Answer 3

I think you are totally in the right! But I have done the same thing (I teach Junior High) and get the same parent response. The kids think I am mean for doing punishments other than time outs (writing apopology notes, having to verbally apologize, etc.) But I think it is important that children know who their actions affect and to know how to appropriately apologize since they will need that skill throughout their life.

Good job.

Answer 4

I think you did great. I am a parent of six- five of which are in school. The schools do it! They have the kids write "I am sorry for ..... It was wrong because ..... The next time I will ...." I think it works because they HAVE to think about what they did and why it was a bad choice and what the better choice would have been. In time out, they may or may not think about it. Yes, some parents these days are afraid of upsetting their children. Look at the world today vs 20 yrs ago- it shows! You'll run into that for as long as you stay in child care- the parents that let their kids run wild with no manners or discipline. Keep your chin up though, there are still parents that do everything that they can to raise their kids to be good women and men!

Answer 5

You definitely did the right thing. And about the kids possibly not liking to write when they're older...that's just irrational. It's ONE apology letter that they have to write because they screwed up. Don't worry about it. I think you should be proud of yourself.

Answer 6

First, I would have had them clean it up. After that, I would have had them work with the janitor for a week. Let them understand their mistake by working. Not writing. Hands on work would make them realize what they did has consiquiences.

Answer 7

I think it's positive! Peeing on the wall at that age is unnacceptable anyway-- and you're right, a time out is not enough.

Parents are making kids far too sensative nowadays. It's sad that you have to be afraid to punish people...I wonder what happens when these kids hit the real world and end up robbing someone because they're not used to consequences?

Answer 8

i'm a teacher and i'm with you all the way.  but you're a professional, you know what you're doing and parents have no right in that kind of decision.  i had a parent this year who wanted me to apologize to her daughter, in front of her, because i gave her time out (5mins) , after that she and some of her friends had written offensive things about me, other teachers and other children. i said "no way".  you're a professional, and you have to keep that in mind ALL the time.  when you go to a doctor, and he gives you pills, you don't argue with that..right?

Answer 9

you are right, PARENTS DONT CARE. thats just it, apparently if they would have taught their kids some respect they wouldnt be peeing on the wall correct? i think making them write a letter was a good idea,im a parent not a teacher but if my child had done something so disrespectful not only would i be JUST FINE with the letter i would have taken the matter into my own hands and made my son PERSONALLY say sorry to whoever had to clean it up, or, i would have made him clean it up himself. that is so sick and disgusting. parents like to think their kids are angels and anything they do is ok, well, its not.

Answer 10

I don't think there is anything wrong, whatsoever, with your choice in punishment for these kids.  It seems that parents today think that their children will be scarred for life if they are actually held responsible for their actions and made to think about what they did.  I am pretty sure that having a child write a letter of apology to whomever was affected by their action will not cause them to hate writing for the rest of their life!  I had to write an essay re. my rude behavior in the 4th grade, and as miraculous as it sounds, I did not form a hatred for writing after this.  I am sure the parents who complained would have had a problem with ANY form of discipline that could have been carried on their children.  They just don't want to think that their child could have done something bad enough to warrant discipline because this means they may have failed in some area as a parent.  Good luck with this situation- I hope the director will be supportive of you.

Answer 11

My question would be what are the parents of these children teaching them at home?  If they were really discipling their children in a loving way, and teaching them respect, do you think that they would be urinating on the walls of the bathroom.  About the parents telling you it is "negative writing"- YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING.  I would not only would have had them apologize I would have had them clean it up as well.  Parents today are so afraid they will hurt their child's "psyche".  Granted parents cannot do things that would injure a child but really now.  I remember when I had to write a letter of apology to someone- it talk me how important other people and their feelings our. It is not all about our children.  If you were my child's teacher, I would be very happy, and I would support you 100% for what you did.

Answer 12

I am a special ed aide and a parent, and as BOTH I can say I see how the punishment was right.  I don't think writing ONE letter will affect them forever for writing.  They did a "crime" and the "time" was saying they were sorry.  I think what you did was right on, and I plan to remember this one for the future for my students as well.

*edit*  My students this past year got "free time Friday" on Friday during homeroom time.  If they had too many missing assignments (3) during the week or had a behavioral mark, they had to sit out and write a letter to the teacher about why they sat out, what they thought about sitting out, and what they would do to not sit out the next week.  Right on with your letter, some parents are too much their child's friend instead of their child's ally.  I am my kids ally, I'm on their side, but I am NOT their friend.

Answer 13

I can see where that would bother you. I work in daycare and have had situations like that with the school agers and i took the same actions. Some of the parents werent very happy, and some thought it was better than making them just sit quietly to "think about what they did" who knows if they really do that. I think you made the right choice, and totally agree with it!

Answer 14

I'm a teacher and I believe you did the right thing. I can't believe how some parents will cater to the whims of their children and then wonder how they created these monstrous, spoiled brats. I think it would have been even better if you had made the boys clean it up themselves. Kids 5 or 6 can't really write yet so hopefully these boys were old enough to write something comprehensible.

Answer 15

Actually I LOVE your idea that's perfect.  And way better than just writing I'm sorry 1,000 times.  It teaches them the correct form of writing and that their actions have repicutions.

Those are the parents that raise the brates cause they allow their children to do anything they want.  Children need dicipline, love and guidance in order to because a good part of our society.

Answer 16

I think what you're doing is a great idea. "Negative writing"? What a load of PC c**p. It teaches kids to be considerate of other people, it doesn't give writing a bad name.