Teaching children how to act around those with special needs?

Question

my son is very good friend with another boy who has down syndrome.

For my sons 4th birthday party he invited this boy among others over for a party. i have friend who has a 6 year old and 4 year old and they kept on making horrible remarks about the "r****d."

i wanted to say something to their mom, but i'm not sure what i should have told her...

Answer 1

Two words. Corporal punishment. My dad used it on me and I'm glad he did. Now I know how to act around other people. While it may be hard, your kids would thank you down the road.

Answer 2

I would just let them know in the friendliest manner possible.  Tell them that you're not criticizing their parental skills and that you just assumed maybe the subject of down syndrome never came up in their lives, and they hadn't needed to have that talk with their children yet.  Let them know that you're just trying to give them a heads up so they know it's time to sit down with their children and explain how to treat those with special needs.

Answer 3

The 4 year old probably doesn't know any better, but the 6 year old should by then. Obviously, they heard this remark from someone else and is mimicking this. I would have let the parent know quietly that their son/daughter used the offensive word as you would let a parent know that their child said a swear word. I would have corrected the child immediately as well, letting them know that such words are not used in your house. If they ask why, then let them know that the word is not nice at all and ask how they would feel if someone said it to them. Don't dwell on it, but definitely don't let it slip by--they'll take that as an "ok" from you.

Answer 4

i have a 4 year old, whenever he makes a remark that isn't okay we take him aside and tell him its not okay for him to be saying those things and explain why.

it usually works and he will stop making those remarks.

and if those boys are calling this other boy a `r****d` they must have learned it from some where most likely their parents so i would go up to the mother and ask her to either get her children to act right or leave.

Answer 5

Well I think the best thing to do is tell the mother that you were uncomfortable w/ this behavior b/c your child doesn't need to learn this kind of disrespect for another person b/c he's different. When my 4 yr old asks or says things about people that are different I remind her that God made everyone special in their own way and sometimes it's things you can see when you look @ them or sometimes it's something we can't see but he loves us all the same.

Answer 6

Wow...that really can be a difficult situation to find yourself.  I have always found that honesty is the wisest approach.  It may seem tough to get the words out at first, but if properly phrased, it can be a powerful tool. Along the lines of "I'm sorry, but I really don't think it's appropriate for 'name' and 'name' (don't just say "your kids" -- that implies fault/blame) using bad names towards my son's friend. If you'd like, they can ask me questions that they might have to help them understand his down syndrome and why my son is his friend."

I'm certainly not an expert in the field -- do not even claim to be -- I simply feel like that it's how I would approach it and I thought I could lend some positive advice to you.  There's always a tactful way of telling people that they are behaving like morons!  Sometimes, they don't even know it!!  In the end, YOU might find out who your friends really are.  

Answer 7

First, I would have told the boys the first time they said it that that word was not acceptable in my home, and he would have to leave if he said it again.  The second time they said it, I would have called their mom, told her what they did, and informed her that she had to come pick them up because they were being kicked out of the party.  I also would have told her that until she taught her sons compassion and tolerance, the boys would not be welcome in my home or around my son.

Good for you for including the boy with DS and encouraging your son to be friends with him.  I'm glad to hear some parents still teach tolerance.  

Answer 8

Kids learn by example, if they see someone miss treated then they will learn it that way. You should have spoke up in the defense of that child and to show your child what is right.