Teaching children what not to say to or around people of color??

Question

Ok, i hope I dont offend anyone here by asking this but I really need to know how to best approch this with my 6 yr old.

He just turned 6 and recently met a African American boy who he befriended. I've never taught him baout different races because we are a mixed family white/mexican, and I wanted him to grow up not knowing "color". Recently though he has been saying inapropriate things around this friend.

The other day he was playing with his friend, and I overheard him say "why are you so black on your skin" The little boy ( a few years older then my son) said "because that's the way god made me". That was the end of it, and they didn't dicuss it further.

Another time I was in the store and my son lifted his jacket half way up his back and blurted out " look mommy i'm a black kid". There was a African American couple in the lobby where we were, and they gave me dirty looks the entire time I was in there. I felt so bad omg!

how to address this with a 6 yr old?

Answer 1

The way I taught my daughter was by telling her that all people are the same, some just look a little different and that you don't treat people any different just because they look different.  They have feelings just like you do.  It has worked really well, She has never made any remarks about peoples color, except the one time before I told her that.  She just acts like everyone is the same.

Answer 2

What your child said to the other child is in no way inappropriate.  They are children, they will figure this stuff out for themselves.  You can have a talk with him about racism and what's right vs. wrong, but he's done nothing wrong as of yet.

Answer 3

I'll be honest - it's a tricky situation. There are still so many bigoted people out there. It's hard to expect a six year old to know what to say when people ten times his age don't behave any better. However, little kids have open minds - take advantage of this fact when teaching him important lessons!

Here's one suggestion: Go to the grocery store and buy three apples - one red, one green, and one yellow. Place them in front of him, and ask him if he notices any differences between the three. When he responds "They're different colors," skin the apples and place them in front of him again. This time, explain that even though they're different colors on the outside, they're all the same on the inside!

A more straightforward method is to ask him to treat people of all different races and religions the same. Does he treat his white relatives the same as him Mexican relatives? The fact that you have a mixed family might make it easier for him to understand this concept.

I wish you the best!

Answer 4

He's probably picking it up from the other kids at school and daycare.

The best way to appoach the subject (I think) is to be honest and straightforward.

Be simple.

If God is in your life, explain that God made everyone different. Explain that it's not nice to pretend to be other people (in negative ways).

Also if you think he can handle it, you should try to explain ways that he might get offended if people said things about him and his color/hair style/facial features/mannerisms.

good luck

Answer 5

Black is not an offensive word! Neither is white or Mexican, or any other race. Its a way to identify differences and they are beautiful, not something to be ashamed of. As for color, you need to be open about it. Tell him people in different parts of the world are different colors to protect their skin. Africans are so dark because they lived where the sun was so hot. Europeans (whites) are so light because where they lived it was cloudy and rained alot. Tell him each race is proud of who they are and tell him his races. My kids used to point it out alot or ask why the Mommy and baby are different colors. I'd reply that not everyone looks like a clone of mommy and daddy (my kids really do look that way). The mother would just smile at me and the kids would start a new conversation. If they pointed it out, I might also say they are both mommy and daddy and so they get to look like both. I understand you want him to be color blind, but I think it should be talked about. If you don't, he'll continue to make honest (but enbarassing mistakes and comments) or think there is something wrong with different races or being "mixed".

Answer 6

He's obviously taking the idea of skin color literally.

You need to teach him that there are different races.  Even thought you don't want him to be prejudiced, it's unrealistic and unfair to expect him to grow up without "seeing" color.  If you visit your public library, a good children's librarian can help you find some books to read with your son that will introduce the topic, and maybe even some videos.  

You also need to give him a mini history lesson--tell him about prejudice and some of the wrongs that have happened in the past, and explain that because of those things, many people are "sensitive" to comments about race.  Encourage him to save his questions for you or his dad.

I think he's old enough to process all this at 6.  It may take a few weeks--I wouldn't try to accomplish everything in one day, for example--but as long as you are open with him and answer his questions, he'll figure it out.

Answer 7

Kids are innocent. People do realize this. So, don't worry too much about dirty looks.

It is 100% normal for a child to ask "Why are you black? (or white or whatever)".  My oldest daughter asked the same question to a little boy in her class as well. And surprisingly he gave the same answer "Because that is how God made me." It seems like a good answer to me.

When my youngest daughter was about 1.5 years old, we were at Kindergarten picking up her sister and she was playing with a group of children at the chalkboard. Well, she tried to paint a little black girl with the white chalk.

It took all I had to pull her away without laughing. Some people may find that offensive but, I thought it was hilarious. The funny thing about it for me is that children don't know these things. They are doing it purely out of innocence.

If you feel like you need to address this issue with your son, then sit him down and explain to him that people come in all sorts of colors, sizes, etc. We all look different in some way and that is not a bad thing. Everyone is unique and that makes the world a much more interesting place.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Children are naturally inquisitive. Why is the sky blue, what are clouds made of, why is that boy black. It is how they learn about their world. Children don't know how to be diplomatic or politically correct. They just see it how it is, and ask! Let him be inquisitive, and just answer his questions in a simple way. Talk about how God has made us all different in many ways. Let him see that these differences are OK, as he will only feel uncomfortable about it if you show him that he should. Don't feel bad - he's just learning about the world the way a kid does!

Answer 9

I don't think this deserves a lot of attention and you shouldn't be worried that you are raising a racist.  

I think that you should point out that in this world, there are people of every race and color and that is just the way God made them.    

I tell my children that they are not suppose to make observations about people in front of them or in public places.     If there is something they've seen and wish to discuss, they should ask me in private.    I further tell them that they could hurt someone's feelings if the other person were to overhear them.      This has worked well for us.

Answer 10

I would have to say the little friend gave him a great response and it shows that his parents have already approached this issue with him.  So that does show that now is the time for you to discuss this with your son.  I can understand your not wanting to have to bring up race as an issue but in the world we live in today sadly it still is.  So explain to him that people come in many different shapes, sizes and colors but we are all the same...just because someone doesn't look just like him doesn't mean they are any different, it just means they look different because we cannot all look the same. I wouldn;t approach it with names just yet, like teaching him black, and mexican, etc since children dont always understand proper social situations...and to avoid an uncomfortable or improper conversation or incident out in public, i wouldnt bring up the "labels" of each race until later when he is older and more practiced on the proper things to say in public.  Good luck and this really is a hard subject to try to speak on with out offending anyone and i hope i didn't offend anyone!

Answer 11

Please just tell him God made people in all colors.  They are all the same inside.  Don't worry about other people, hun.  When my daughter was in pre-school (she's white) Her best buddie was a lil black boy.  They used to hug all the time.   It was sooo sweet.   ;-)  I remember when I was about 4, back in the early 60's my mom and I were walking downtown and I had never seen a blck person before.  I said to my mom,   look at the chocolate man. Well, she got angry at me and told me not  to say that.  From the mouths of babes.

Answer 12

In a world where there are many different races, people need to teach their children about the different races and primarily that the color of a person's skin does not matter, its what's inside that counts.

Ignoring the fact that there are different races is not the answer, and leads to inappropriate comments and actions.

Answer 13

Dear chicata2:

Interesting question and my immediate response would be "yes" your son could very well be learning these things that you are most concerned about at a day care or preschool.  What I enjoy about kids most is there willingness to learn new things and more often than not they follow-up with being opinionated about them.  So; why not consider sitting down with your son  and try to explain to him that in life there are many colors and they are individual of each other and yet they are equal.  I feel God knew life would be boring if it were just left black or white that is why he created colors.  What you were experiencing from the African American couple had nothing to do with color or you. It had only to do with darkness by what they were made to feel at a young age.  So now it is up to you chicata to teach your son the difference between equality and color and hopefully he will realize there is no difference  .  

Amen

Answer 14

I think your son is doing quite well, based on your story.  He should play with his black friend more often.  It sounds like his friend is very enlightened, and can teach your son a lot.  His line about "because God made me that way" is so excellent that I don't think even most adults could think it up.

Being black myself, I rarely hear anything racist these days.  Your son is going to hear such things no matter what you do.  His experience with his black friend will help him to understand that much of the things he might hear form other people is not true at all.

Just remember that nobody is perfect and some people are going to be offended no matter what your son or you do.  It is sometimes a no-win situation.  Just tell your son to always "do his best" in everything.  That means how to treats other people as well.

Good luck