Teaching graceful losing?

Question

Yesterday I was playing with my 4 year old nephew, some kiddie golf set he has. When I was beating him he kept saying "I win when I have 8." I said "I already have 8, so I won." He became so upset that he started crying. He has issues with losing. When he doesn't win races and stuff he always says it was a tie. Is this normal/acceptable/age appropriate? When/how do you teach children that it is okay to lose occasionally? If I just let it go and pretend he always wins does that reinforce this negative "I must always win" behavior/attitude?

Answer 1

Don't argue the point of winning or losing, just state what happened. Nephew, I have 8 and you have 6, this means I won this time. Then let it go.

Answer 2

With my 5 year old... I'll tell her ahead of time. I say,"This time we aren't keeping score, so it's just for fun." Then, "This time we play for real, if you win I won't get upset and if I win , you won't, right?" I usually don't play to my fullest *every single time* though. You need to let him win once in a while so he can see you being graceful about losing. say, "Oh man! You really got me there! Great job! Rematch!"

Answer 3

yep my 3 yr old is like that

so this week we bought him 2 board games- we play them over and over til lhe gets the idea that it is not who wins first but the fun in playing.

it really did help~

Answer 4

Play games of chance, such as war, and explain that winning sometimes depends on luck, not on skill.

Play games that last forever, like Monopoly, in which your child (and you) will run out of steam before anybody wins or loses.

If your child fails at something, emphasize those aspects of the endeavor in which the child is getting better — keep track of improvement and personal bests such as farthest throw or most hits in a row, not final scores.

Once in a while, before you play a game, agree on a prize for the loser — say, picking the dessert that evening.

If your child loses the game, quickly offer to play again and remind him or her that the winner has to say "Good game" to the loser.

Choose an activity that requires cooperation as well as competition, such as freeze tag, red rover, or duck duck goose.

Answer 5

First of all, it is VERY normal behavior in a 4-year-old.  At that age, they've just really begun to understand about competition and supremacy, so it's very important to them.  For that reason, most organized sports at that age won't keep score (although, I've begun to suspect that THAT is more of a strategy for keeping parents under control than it is to teach the kids).  

On the other hand, it's a bit daft to try to teach kids that "winning doesn't matter"...  of COURSE winning MATTERS...  if winning didn't matter, then there would never be any point to competition.  The goal isn't to eliminate the want to win, it's to put winning in perspective.  Winning your battle with cancer - THAT is important.  Winning a soccer game - not so important.  It's nice, but losing won't ruin your day.  

There will always be kids that take losing harder than others.  But it is an important lesson for them to learn.  With my 4-year-old, I still let him win 80-90% of the time with things I can control.  I throw most of our races, but every once in a while, I'll win just to show him that the world won't end.  When we play board games that are all luck - then that's it, they're luck.  If I win, I just say "Oh look, I win" and smile and we clean up.  If he wins, it's pretty much the same thing.  The REALLY important part is that no matter WHO wins, no bragging or teasing is allowed.  This is espescially important if you play with two or more young kids.  They are allowed to be happy that they won, but only briefly, and there you can't allow any taunting.  

If things are handled well, most kids will grow past this stage with time...

Answer 6

Just tell him practice makes perfect and don't be afraid to let him loose sometimes but also sometimes let him win.

Answer 7

Our motto is "If you Had fun, you won!" I say that to my kids all the time.When we play games I tell them we don't play to win, we lay to have fun. Sometimes I let them win so they get confidence but I also win sometimes too. We always shake hands at the end and say "good game". I tell my kids if they get mad when they don't win that I won't play with them anymore. I explain to them that no one wants to play with a sore loser because that's not fun.

so far so good, my boys are pretty good sports when it comes to playing games.