Teaching my son responsibility?

Question

My son is 10, makes honor roll but stays in trouble at school and at home for not following directions. Just served his first Saturday detention after numerous warnings from his teachers. He is always unprepared for class, leaves things at home, loses things. Talks in class when he shouldn't. Loves to be funny and is quite the little comedian but always at the wrong time. At home he "forgets" to do anything that is asked of him or does it "half way" He lives for his baseball or whatever the sport of the season is. After repeated warnings and grounding him from many different extra-curricular activities I am very tempted to pull him from his team. The thing that worries me most is that this is his RELEASE. Will I only be making the situation worse?

I am open to any suggestions.

Answer 1

There are a couple different things happening here.  He is probably bored, and that is why he doesn't pay attention.  Speak to his teacher about getting him in the Gifted program.   Gifted children are often sloppy and disorganized.  He may also have ADD.  It does sound like he has a problem controlling his impulses.  Speak to his teacher about this as well, see if she notices this kind of problem.  Find a better way to punish him than taking away his sports.  Kids get so little time these days to get some exercise, and it is obvious that he needs it.

Answer 2

consistency every day from morning to bed time go through all duties at the same time every day.

Answer 3

I have a similiar daughter and after a lot of the above mentioned issues, I realized that she needed to be coached to stay on task and be responsible. For her, it did not come naturally but I had to spell out and write down detailed instructions to be followed for even simple things like getting ready in the morning.

At this age, change will not come fast but rather slow as old habits die hard but still, if you work on him right now he will be thankful for that for the rest of his life.

When I was at my wit's end, the first thing I did was to sit down and accept her and love her the way she was. I explained to her that she learns differently and we will have to use some tricks and strategies to be successful at some nagging issues.

I listed down Goals for her and worked out an incentive and consequence plan with her. The key was for her to take ownership of the issue and me not being in control of it.

For example, she always forgot stuff at school like jacket, homework etc.

After discussing with her she wrote a goal for herself.

Goal: I will remember to bring my backpack, lunchbox, folders, homework, jacket etc. from school everyday.

Incentive: If I do it for 2 weeks then I will get to have a playdate with my friend.

Consequence: If I forget it then I will not play with my Nintendo DS for 1 week.

Tools I will use: I will have a written list of things to bring back from school which I will check while I pack my bags. I will make a song and sing it while I pack.

Here the key is to put them in charge of it, rather than we doing it for them. Its easy for these kind of kids to just listen to our blabber and ignore it, but when they sit down and take ownership of action and consequence they really try hard. And make sure, that you don't yell or scream at the first miss, just show the paper and let him execute the consequence, and don't give up....

These kids have immense potential...be patient and love them the way they are but stay focussed on changing ONE HABIT AT A TIME..and a year from now you will have an adorable son!!!! Good Luck!!

Answer 4

stonechic has the answer, I'll just add one point consistency has to be maintained, to make it work.

Why did I never meet her?

Answer 5

You have to take away the things that they really like. I am mean in some ways. One day I had my daughter get ready for gymnastics and then I said," Oh i forgot you can't go because you haven't kept your room clean. " She told me it was the State meet on sunday. I told her she new that before. Yes it was mean and she did clean her room. I also told her coach when they asked. I don't make excuses for her to other people. I tell her if she gets mad that the truth is the truth and if you don't like it then don't do it. Needless to say her room hasn't been that bad ever again.

Also for school sometimes it is just really busy and hard to stay organized. I got folder with lots of places to organize things at Office Depot. It was flat not a binder. It had several folders in it. I had labeled all of her subjects with her. I created a place for notes and papers home. Also a special place for her to have her own things. That has helped. The school has the kids keep assignment notebooks. I tell her to think about what she will need when she comes home.

Answer 6

Well your son must be in 5th grade.

I am in the 10th grade and my friends get in trouble at school and get detention and they tell there friends to do something bad so they can be punished. - You don't realize what kids talk about at school they think it is fun to get a detention it is just being a kid no big deal. - It shows the other kids your not afraid to get in trouble.

If your son forgets at home - Maybe he wants attention you punishing him.

I would not pull him from his baseball team save that measure until your son does something real bad you may need that option later on - save it.

Answer 7

He is old enough to learn to follow a checklist each day for his belongings,

Create one for his backpack, for cleaning and straightening his room and for organizing his sports gear BY HIMSELF.

Teach him to follow the steps on each list.

If he 'forgets', he should be reminded ONCE. If he continues to forget  his personal items and his assignments for class, he SHOULD suffer the consequences of his CHOICES to not be prepared.

If he can't keep his school work up to par, then the extra curricular activities should be canceled. Explain to him that he MUST get an education as his FIRST priority and that if he cannot remain organized for that, then he doesn't have time for extras.

If he truly wants to EARN the privilege of participation in outside activities, he will make better choices and stop 'forgetting' his assignments and materials for class.