Teaching toddler to share?

Question

I am stuck on when my daughter will be developmentally ready to understand the concept of sharing. I'm trying to work on it with her, slowly. She doesn't go to daycare (she's almost 18 months), and spends a bit of time with other children, but I do notice that when she is with them she is usually the one to run up and take a toy, or get upset if someone tries to use what she is using.

A lot of this is personality (she's always been an intense baby/toddler) but I try to put out toys and encourage her to share with others and my family. She just doesn't seem to get the idea or warm up to it, and I wonder if it's just a skill she will get as she grows up as long as we keep working on it?

I have been taking her to baby movement and music classes with other children, and bringing her to parks and places where she can interact. I just wonder what else I can do, or if this is a normal phase of toddler difficulties? Please let me know what else I can do to help!

Answer 1

What I teach in my developmental psychology classes regarding babies this age, and with my own twins is: if they take something that another child had first we immediately give it back and start playing with something else.

You're right on the money - a child that age can't completely understand the concept of sharing, but they can understand the correlation between taking something, mommy or daddy saying no, and playing with a different toy. You can continue to (in simple toddler terms) that she has to share, and that Katie had the toy first. The more you do this, the more they'll start to get it whether it's total comprehension or not. They understand more than we think, just in a different way.

Sounds like you're doing a fantastic job of trying to raise a fair minded and honest kid. Good for you.

Answer 2

You can teach her by playing with things you know she will want. Then don't let her see the toys to show her how it feels. After a few times, hand it to her slowly and tell her you have to share with others. Afterwards try to get her to give the toy or item back. If she doesn't, start not giving it to her all over again. She will eventually understand. But don't worry because I have a 2 year almost 3 year old cousin that just says that is mine and will not share either. She has 2 older sisters and an older brother.

Answer 3

Children don't understand the concept of sharing until they are closer to 5 years of age or older.

Answer 4

I've worked in daycare settings for a while, and I studied child pschology a lot in college.  (I'm a teacher now.)  The situation you are describing is completely normal.  It's called being egocentric.  Children go through this phase at this age, and think that everything revolves around them, etc.  It is something that she will eventually outgrow, as she learns the language, and learns to talk more.  You can state simple things, to get her thinking about how her actions might hurt the feelings of others.  Children understand feelings at a young age, and she may begin to come around.  For example, if she takes a toy from another child, go over to her, and get down low on her level, height-wise.  Say, "Susie, when you took that toy from Katie, it really hurt her feelings.  Can you see that she's crying now?  I know you don't like it when people take things from you."  Repeating the word "share" is also a good idea, so that she learns what the word really means.  However, don't get upset if she doesn't listen to you.  Until she leaves her egocentric phase, she will probably continue to do things her way.

Answer 5

She just needs to understand the concept of sharing. Just sit down with her when her toys are out and take one and when she starts to take it away or get upset, just tell her that she cannot have it until she asks nicely for it by saying please. Eventually she should understand that if she wants something she ahs to be nice about it.

Answer 6

It takes time and patience.Your daughter is just a normal little girl. All children need to be taught to share. Some seem to thrive on it and share easily at a very young age and some have a more difficult time. My son is 9, an only child, and shares very well. He has a friend that still has a hard time with sharing so, you see, it takes time and patients but in time it will just start to be natural.Sounds like you are doing all the right things to me. Enjoy your daughter, she sounds like she is the joy of your life.

Answer 7

it's deffinatly a normal phase.....my stepson is 2 years and 1 month and he's just now getting into sharing. we just try to make a big deal of it everytime he shares and tell him how happy and proud we are and then that get's him really excited.....that works for getting them to clean up their toys too! lol

Answer 8

18 months is actually very early for a baby to learn the concept of sharing.  the greedy year is ages 2 - 3 and usually they learn to share somewhere in the middle of that.  You do your best - and that's all you can really do.  They don't remember enough of one moment to the next for you to have a strong impression of sharing implanted in their mind.

Work at it for the next year and she'll get it when she's old enough to understand that the world doesn't revolve around her.

Answer 9

I think this is normal for all toddlers. My daughter does the same type of thing and we are in a similar situation, but i really do think its just the age and they dont understand at that age what your trying to developmentally teach them anyway lol they are babies! just play with her and love her for now. She will learn!

Answer 10

Don't worry about it. All Toddlers don't like sharing. It's natural. As long as you keep trying to teach him Sharing he will soon understand. I have a little brother he is 4 and he still doesn't like sharing. So don't worry.

Answer 11

Hi! You don't need to worry that much, toddlers are in a developmental stage in which they are completly egocentric, in this stage all they do is in order to satisfy themselves. And actually they are in a stage in which they enjoy playing by themselves, and next to other kids but not WITH the other kids, it I believe you are doing a great job by stimulating contact with other kids and I'm pretty sure that with time, she'll get over this stage , and she will be able to share easily. As I told you before, it's a normal stage in "toddler-hood"

Answer 12

if she takes a toy away from another child, gently tell her no and that the child was playing with it first and she can have a turn when they are done. if she gets upset, you need to let her and not cave in. she needs to understand that sharing is important and a nice thing to do.  also when she shares her toys and she becomes upset, tell her that the child is not taking it away from her and that she will get it back soon. it may sound kind of harsh but it works.  try and get her into a nursery program where teachers and teacher aids can also help in this process. another thing you can do is show her how YOU share your things with others. lead by example and tell her how happy it makes her and her friends when they share.  she is also still really young so it will take a while for her to fully grasp the concept of sharing. continue with baby steps and she should be sharing soon!