Teen in Foster care...?

Question

What's it like for a teen to be in foster care?

Do they get messed up?

Do they have to rotate families all the time, are they looked after properly?

Answer 1

I'm an ex foster child and i was placed in a foster home since i was 1 and it was in a long term placement (meaning i stayed with that family until i turned 18)

I was completly and utterly messed up especially in school etc because i couldn't focus due to having the world on my shoulders.

I had to worry about my social workers, foster parents, real mum, bullies and teachers who were on my case all the time.

I also was sexually abused by my foster parents son and carrying that secret could have killed me. I was kicked out of my foster parents home at 16 and was emancipated. I couldn't stand my foster mum at all so i had to get out of there.

I would never move in with my biological mother because she's a hypocrite and a nasty piece of work. Mind you I've had a much better life compared to most teens in care.

Kids who go from home to home are so messed up; their belongings are usually stolen from the foster family and their children, they are raped, neglected, abused mentally and physically, teased at school etc. I've known a few who have killed themselves because of the fact they are fostered and are treated like a piece of dirt.

Foster care is not all it's cracked up to be.

Answer 2

I would say a teenager needs to find a friend who's folks are willing to take them in and all you need is permission from the parents.  We did this with 3 teenagers over a period of years.. are only rules were they had to have a part time job, they had to get passing grades and when they graduated they need to get a full time job and their own place to live.

Teens can look after themselves properly, they need some education on what is a good family life, since they came from such a poor situation but that takes time and lots of hugs.

Our 2 girls did good and in no time they were independent and one went on to college, while the other married had 2 kids and moved out of state.  The boy was too much into computer time and not into study time, his grades went down hill he went back home, he was a lazy  kid, he pretty much is doing the same things now as an adult.. some you can help and some you cannot.

Answer 3

You wanna know the realities of it?

thegirlspeaks.wordpress.com

It's my blog... Click on the foster care link in the side, and you can read all about my adventures in foster care...

Be warned. It ain't pretty... In three years I was in over 50 foster homes because no one wanted teenagers. I was enrolled in 13 different high schools, had high schools turn me away because of the revolving door that my caseworker was making it....

Forget Christmas, Birthdays, or other holidays... I was generally "forgotten" about over those events...

It was a nightmare for me... but not for everyone....

pflagfostermom.blogspot.com is a fostermom of only teens, and she really does "get it" and tries to be there for her kids...

Each situation is different... I only wish that no one had to live through the h**l I did...

Answer 4

Sadly, Samone has a point.  As a foster parent, I have also witnessed other foster parents who have adopted who in my opinion shouldn't have children - adopted or biological.  The system is SO messed up, especially for the "older" children as it IS harder to place them.  Not all children, as you say it, "get messed up".  It all depends on the surroundings that they are aware of and also with any other teenager - the choices that they make!

Answer 5

harsh reality?



I grew up as a teen in foster care until I aged out of the system at 18.

What you get:

* basic necesaties of life. A roof over your head, 3 square meals, clothes on your back.

What you DON'T get:

* Christmas, birthday parties, allowences, birthday presents, all are considered "extras" and if a foster parent chooses to pay out the $$ great, if not quickly learn to deal with it.

* Hair conditioner, tampons (anything above a cheap sanitary napkin) razors, again "extras"

* Over worked, under paid burnt out social workers whom you will just be a "case" to.

* Foster parents that have been put through the wringer a few times, often elderly.

Not always the case I know. But I've heard so many stories from other foster kids that it makes me think that I'm NOT the exception. I've witnessed abused, and been abused. I've been through lots of foster homes & a few group homes. It's not a pretty sight out there. There are great foster homes, and there are great social workers, but often it seems like they just want the cute cuddly babies & young children. Not the messed up scarred hormonal teenagers.

Answer 6

I am a foster carer and it depends on the situation. Some teens are in a stable placement, while others are unfortunately moved between placements and/or residential units. Teens (and children) in care will generally have issues of grief and rejection and attachment problems. These are far worse if they aren't able to remain with one stable foster family.

I feel awful for all the ex-foster kids who have answered here - for the abuse they have endured from the system as well as from their biological families. There are some foster carers who don't provide adequately for the children in their care.

However, any child who enters my home is always imaculately dressed and is treated 'as my own'. I am going interstate for a holiday next week and my foster daughter is coming with me. If I hadn't been allowed to take her with me, I wouldn't be going! I know many other carers who are equally loving and dedicated.

Answer 7

I was a foster kid from the age of 7 until I "aged-out" at 18 years old.  My parents were real abusive and their rights were terminated very quickly.

It sucked.  No-one ever cared about me for real.  In fact, I was just a paycheck for some foster parents (they get paid for taking care of kids).   I lived in 12 foster homes and 4 group homes.

Clothes.  Yup, but not great.  For example, I once had to wear a pair of sneakers that caused my heel to bleed for months.  Why because no one cared and there was no money to get me another pair.  There was blood all over the back of the sneaker.

And most things came from thrift shops.  I can probably only count on one hand the things I had that were "new" and really mine.

Food.  Yup.  Some foster parents put locks on the refrigerator.  At least at school I got lunch.

I never did any extra-curricular activities because there was no money.   No music lessons, no art classes, no prom, no school ring, no camp, nothing.

No birthday parties, few christmas presents, and when the foster families went on vacation, they stuck me with a respite family because they did not want to take me.  People I did not even know "watched me" for 2 weeks.

Abuse.  Yup.  And most kids I know that were in foster care also got abused in foster care.

And when I turned 18, they kicked me out.  Imagine at 18, having no apartment, no money, no job, no family, nothing.  (This was several years ago, now they try and let people get skills and stay in care until 21)

Is my life screwed up?

You bet.  I have no life, no friends, no family.  I have an eating disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder and self-harm.  I have been in mental hospitals 6 times because I tried to kill myself.

But you know what, at least I have not hurt anyone else.

The foster care system is ****** up.  WE SPEND MORE PER DAY ON ANIMALS IN SHELTERS THAN WE DO ON FOSTER KIDS.

Answer 8

It depends on the case some kids have permanent foster homes so they don't have to move, others get moved around a lot which has to be very hard for any kid to feel like you have no real home or family that wants you.

Answer 9

I dated a guy way back in high school who was in foster care. Several kids from my church have been in and out of foster care.

All of the experiences that I have seen have been negative.

The kids are like ping pongs. No stability. They don't have a "home base." No one is really, truly "Mom" or "Dad."  They spend 4 years here and 2 mos there and move around all the time. Most of the kids do poor in school, they turn to either smoking or drugs, maybe worse, gangs, premarital s*x, they get into trouble a lot and have problems with authority.

I dated someone in high school had real problem with adults, teachers, etc.  (I know a real winner, right?) ;-)  

The kids at my church don't act like they are in a family or that their adoptive parents are their 'parents.'  They do really poor in school, like I said.  The general sense from their side is "What is wrong with me?" "What did I do wrong?" "I don't belong" They seek attention by acting out

Answer 10

It really does depend but I'm sure to most of us who lived through it there is nothing we liked. In 4 years I floated through 38 foster homes, 11 shelters, 5 group homes, and 3 independent living programs. Not counting the 3 times they sent me on mini-stays to mental health programs to see if my mind had been damaged. I was not wanted by multiple foster parents because they worried that because I had been sexually abused for so long by my father that I would do it to there children. They assumed I would do wrong. I had foster parents who hated me based on the fact I wouldn't call them mom and dad. I had 2 that had no running water. 4 that were so elderly they could barely get up and would make me do their housework because they really couldn't. I had a foster dad who thought since I was use to the whole adult man of my life raping me, he would join in. Truth is there is not enough time, money, or good homes in the system for teens to live a better life.  For me though this all taught me a valuable lesson for life. You don't always get what you want, Life is not fair, Sometimes the best thing you can do is learn to deal with life and take it as it comes. My life has made me a better person. I aged out at 19. There is nothing good about foster care.