Teenage mother with confusion?

Question

I am 17 years old I have one child who is 18 months old and another on the way. I have bad anxiety because of the way people look at me when I go out, or the things I hear people say. From the minute I told "my friends" I was in the hospital giving birth, they all disappeared. Why am I looked at as a bad person for this? I dedicate my life to my child and will do the same with my second child. I have a job and pay for everything I have to and have a loving husband who does the same. My first daughter saved my life and changed me and helped me grow up. I have finished high school and I take night classes training to be a nurse. What have I done so wrong to be discriminated against? I do everything a 30 year old mother does, I am no different? Why do I have NO friends and WHY do people hate me for having a kid so young? I have support from family, and I am going somewhere with my life... please tell me what did I do wrong?

Answer 1

most girls your age aren't even doing 1/4 of what you are doing. good for you. concentrate on your children & husband not what others think about you or say about you. look how well you are doing without people in your life that you are worrying about! people love reasons to bring others down especially the ones who are against all odds. you go girl!

Answer 2

Don't worry about those negative people.  It sounds like you are doing the right thing.  You have to live your life the best you can and don't worry about the opinions of others.  There will always be negative people around.  Make new friends that are more grown up.

Answer 3

Absolutely nothing...

Other than being pregnant with a second, I was in your boat.  I actually had a nurse at the hospital tell me they "were not my parents, and weren't hear to raise" my child (she had a private duty nurse, and I had asked when they moved her if she would again)... my parents were 1800 miles away and by no means had a hand in raising my child, in any way.  Unfortunately, people assume that young mothers let their parents raise their kids, because there are so many out there that do.  

Hold your head high, you are doing great.  You will make new friends that have common interest with you, which rest assured, it is depressing to find out your old chums and you have nothing in common anymore!  You are doing very well taking care of your family, and that is what is important.  Don't worry about what others think, as hard as it sounds.  Focus on how much your 18 month old adores you, because you are the best mommy that child has!  And that is the opinion that counts.

Good job, and congrats on the new baby!

Answer 4

I don't think anything is wrong with you.  I married at 21 and had my first at 23, quit college on purpose to start a family.  So I completely understand how you feel concerning others' opinions.

I suggest joining a mother's group, or getting to know your neighbors.  You're a married woman with children, you're really not a teenager anymore, not in the sense of what a teenager is.  So you don't have anything in common with your old friends.  They can't understand your motives and your life choices, so I think that you should go find people who are married and have children as well.  Honestly, they don't have to be your age.  You can befriend a thirty something woman with kids as well.  You have more in common with her than your old friends now.

Answer 5

You aren't doing anything wrong. They just don't see it the way you do. I too did the same thing. I was 17, In school and pregnant. Friends were there then it seemed like an instant they were gone. I'm 27 now and those friends are still gone. I used to think it was because they figured they couldn't call me or come see me or invite me places with them because I had a baby now and they probably thought I would say no every time.

I am proud of you!! You are smart and independent. You are no doubt a good mother. Age has no say in this. Your daughter did save you, she made you grow up faster but I am proud that you stood by and did what you knew had to be done. You took the responsibility and handled it.

You are doing nothing wrong!! Don't worry about what others think, you be proud of the decisions you have made for yourself and your children. Don't regret anything!

Congrats, Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 6

Aww hun. Where do you live? It's always normal to get the odd small minded person in all walks of life, but for everybody to be like that is appalling. What most peoples selective memories allow them to forget is that for our grandparents generation and older, what you have described wasn't at all out of the ordinary. Many would marry at 16 and be having babies by 17/18/19 and it was completely accepted. Funnily enough a lot of that same generation seem to be the ones frowning on those of todays generation that does it. I'm surprised about your friends, that is horrible. I had a baby at 19 and most of my friends stood by me luckily. However I've found that I'm beginning to drift away from these friends naturally and make new friends who are parents. This may have happened with you even if they hadn't all ditched you. Personally I've found that I get irritated a lot by my friends petty issues and priorities. People will continue to invite me out partying and on wild holidays and get annoyed when I repeatedly turn them down. People go on about their silly teenage problems to me and my eyes just glaze over because they are so irritatingly childish. It is true that parenthood ages you, and it may be a blessing that these friends have backed off as they may have driven you mad! One by one I am making lots of new mum friends. A couple are around my age but most are older. I can't stand to go to these things and sit chatting to the happily married 30-something parents, they all look down on me for being young and single. But there are the odd one that are great. My best friend is ten years older than me and has just had a baby. It sounds sad but you should try and see if you can find any regional pregnancy and parenting forums, and meet friends through that. Let me know where you're from - if you're British I can give you a load of sites - but if you're not I'm sure you'll find things through Google. Fact of the matter is there are millions of lonely mums out there who can't get out because they have children, and the internet is one of the few ways of connecting all these people. Give me an email too if you just fancy a chat! :-) [e-mail]

Answer 7

I was 16 when  I had my daughter. She also saved my life because I was heading in the wrong direction. I lost all of my friends too. I guess they just didn't want to hang out with a girl and her new baby. Maybe prego girls are no fun. I know now after 12 years that I did nothing wrong. You are on the right track with your life and you should be proud of yourself. You and your husband are doing an awesome job! Those 'friends' of yours were never really your 'friends' anyhow or they would have stuck around. You will  find new friends, ones that will be true friends. Til then just keep your head up and do what your doing! Again, your doing a great job and you should be proud of yourself, and so should everybody else! Good Luck!

Answer 8

I would be happy to be honest with you and tell you that you did do something wrong, but based on your question details, you have done NOTHING wrong.  You were mature enough to take responsibility for your own action.  You are married and it sounds like you are in a very stable frame of mind.  I wouldn't think twice about how people are looking at you.  As for friends, if they can't accept you for being a mother/wife, then they weren't real friends after all.  Good Luck and Congrats on all the milestones you've already reached at such a young age.