Teenage pregnancy, is it really their fault?

Question

so many girls are getting pregnant in their teens, and i never really thought much about it, until now. I think that i might be pregnant, and my ex boyfriend left me and wants nothing to do with me or the possible baby. I am only 16!! I don’t have the money for an abortion, and I’m not even sure I could go through that anyway. All I know is that I am so scared, and I feel abandoned. People ask why I didn’t use protection, and the truth is, I was tricked. my boyfriend told me that since i just had my period that I couldn’t get pregnant. My question is why are so many teenager uninformed about s*x and the consequences. my parents never had that s*x talk with me, and many of my friends parents never talked to them about it either. Also, what’s with guy’s using girls and then just dumping them. We are human beings, not objects. How do you think it makes a girl feel to know that she was used? It makes her feel worthless. I really just think that most teenagers need to get with it, because there’s far too many girls out there that are scared out of their mind right now, and that have no support. People get all upset when they find out that another teenage girl is pregnant, but maybe they should inform these teenagers more!!

Answer 1

Well I personally think that when a teenager gets pregnant it's her fault. They know what's wrong and what's right so i think in most cases it's their fault.

Answer 2

Of course it's their fault...

They know better and if anyone says they don't

thats alot of bull c**p.

Answer 3

I'm 15 and pregnant. Many people think I'm a terrible person because I got pregnant. Billy The Kid was really mean to you and she was mean to me too and I've been reading her other answers and she just makes people feel low and stupid. I agree with what sha x said. I understand you're not asking for sympathy, but I also understand you need it. I'm really sorry your boyfriend was that horrible to you. Just don't abort it. I can't wait for my baby to come, cuz I'm gonna raise her like a sister. I'm not saying what I did was smart, but we all knew the conseqences. I'm just really excited for my baby!!

xoxo

Miley

Answer 4

You should have been using protection anyway. Do people not care anymore about STD'S.  Do girls not know that when they have unprotected s*x that they are sleeping with everyone that their partners have slept with. and so on.... Anyway you are 16 not 10 you know that if you have s*x, protected or not there is a chance that you can get pregnant.  You make adult choices you pay adults consequences.  So good luck to ya.

Answer 5

Ignorance, your right, that is why so many young girls are getting pregnant. Although it is not the sole reason it is a huge contributor. I just love how you pass the buck and accuse others of having fault in your miseducation or lack there of, when you find it easy enough to ask such a touchy subject here and get your answers. The truth of the matter is, you weren't that concerned because "it would never happen to you", or perhaps, you really "trusted" your boyfriend. I'm sorry sweetheart you sound pathetic, when a boy that age tells you anything you always double check it, especially when he tells you something about your female body. Are you kidding me, you think he knows more about your body then you? God was that stupid! You should be scared, embarrassed, feeling alone and ashamed, your not ready to be a parent your not even responsible for your age. You should have never had s*x, your body may have been capable, but with the childish holes and theories in your story your showing that your mind won't be there for a long time. I sincerely feel sooo bad for your future baby.

The only thing you can do now is grow up,... for your child and educate yourself, maybe one day you'll contribute to society instead of being another sad 16 year old pregnant drawing on the system.

Looks like I'll have to hand my hard earned tax dollars over to you, another welfare Wic Momma.  

Answer 6

If you don't have money for an abortion what makes you think you can afford to raise a child?

Get the abortion, get an education, learn from your mistakes.  Everyone makes them, smart people learn from them.

Answer 7

True, parents are not doing enough to make sure their children are properly educated. But at the end of the day, no one forced you to have s*x (I hope). s*x is not something to be taken lightly. As you are finding out, it is a big, important thing. And since it is something you chose to take on, it is your responsibility to inform yourself about it BEFORE you do it. 'My boyfriend said' is never reliable. Here's a tip - Don't ever let a male who is not a medical doctor tell you anything about your period because he doesn't know.

To answer your question, yes it is the teen's fault if they get pregnant. s*x education is out there, it is not difficult to find. There are condom ads all over the place. MTV runs a Trojan commerical in every break. Haven't you paid attention even once? There's really no excuse for you carelessness.

I'm sorry you're in this situation, but you really did very little to prevent it. You were clearly pressured - always a sure sign the guy only wants to get you into bed. You gave in anyway, trusting information given to you by someone who had absolutely no way of knowing if what he was saying was true. You neglected to consider that. You did not use protection, despite being bombarded with the 'safe s*x or no s*x' message. The question is how is it not your fault?

Answer 8

Some of them never payed attention in s*x ed, others who were well informed got pregnant because a condom broke or they forgot to take the pill

But I really think that s*x ed should give kids more information and not leave blank spaces.the only thing they tell you in s*x ed is about the diseases you can catch from people.they dont tell you what to use to keep you protected or things you can take after the day you have s*x or anything like that

I know schools dont inform them so much because the parents dont like it,but they should. Most of the parents dont even want to talk to their kids about s*x so why not let the school educate them?

And the guy someitmes dumps the girl because he doesnt want to have to quit school sooner or later over a child,and is too afraid to be a father at such a young age

If parents could tell kids about these things and not just say 'wait until youre married' or 'you can have s*x when im dead' and actually be a real parent and tell them about these things because of course everyone gets curious!

Answer 9

You chose your actions. Yes it's your fault.

Did you think your bf was the authority on s*x? Were you really that gullible to be "tricked"? Or do you just want to put the blame on him? Your fault.

Did you ever think to Google up s*x or ask the school nurse if you were too embarassed to ask your parents? Your fault.

Did you allow yourself to be used? Your fault.

Did you never look around and see what happened to thousands of other girls? Your fault.

Did you even think about STD and use a condom? Your fault.

You choose the behavior, you choose the consequence. You are not stupid, you should've used your brain, you didn't, and now want sympathy. If you don't get it you feel abandoned. Nope. You wanted to be all grown up and s***w, congrats, you're all grown up now. If you went off and drove a car before you learned how, I wouldn't feel sorry for you if you crashed it. You knew enough to know you didn't know enough.

make the adult choice and give that baby if there is one to a loving PREPARED family. If there isn't one, LEARN and stop it. Don't make more stupid choices and you won't have to worry.

Answer 10

I agree so much! They used to promote abstinence and now they are just promoting safe s*x. NO s*x is safe s*x. For you, I hate to say it but (guy + girl + s*x = possible pregnancy) If you knew that before you got pregnant then I would say you weren't tricked.

Answer 11

He may not have tricked you. That was a common belief back when I was your age, and many people STILL believe it, because they want to believe it. Why waste money on condoms or birth control when you can just have s*x on the Magic Days When You Can't Get Pregnant? I've seen the "what days can you  have s*x and not get pregnant?" question a million times here. Ten people will answer accurately that there are no such days, and the one person who says "Oh, you can do it for ten days after your period and not get pregnant" will be the one who gets Best Answer. Never mind that women who are actually trying to have a baby will be having the most s*x on those days, because their chances are greater that way.

Anyway, he may have believed what he told you, the same way you believed him when he told you. That's no excuse. As you've learned, men will say whatever they have to in order to get s*x, and most of the young ones will also do whatever is necessary to get out of the consequences for it. But you're the only one with the uterus, and you're the only one who can get pregnant, so no matter how cosmically unfair it seems, you have the greater responsibility. You shouldn't have believed your boyfriend. Most of the sad stories you'll ever hear in your life will begin with the words "I loved him, so I believed him."

Well, at least you know for sure that you can't trust him. I don't know why you think you're pregnant, but if you are, he WILL have something to do with you and the baby, even if it's only in the form of the state garnishing his wages for the next 19 years for child support. Whether he likes it or not.

If you're not pregnant, my advice is to study up on pregnancy. No need to wait until you're a senior. There's more information on the net than you'd ever be given in school anyway.

Answer 12

   Yes

   If you want to play

   you got to pay

Answer 13

I Don't think its very fair the way some people on here judged you,

and another thing it really p****s me off when people say just because you're a sixteen year old mother your lower class or any of that other bull****! my best friend is sixteen and she has a one year old daughter...the child never wants for anything AND so what if she claims off the social at least her child gets fed and clothed and well looked after some people are so ignorant! also its kinda dumb the way older people think that by saying 'DONT HAVE s*x' that we just wont, all it takes is to spend 5 minutes of ur time explaining about it to your kids and maybe so many mistakes wouldn't happen after all if your going to say were not capable of looking after a child it would be a contradiction to say that we should have known in the first place since were ''not mature enough' i hope that those ignorant people who were very rude realise that they dont know everything about teenagers since they didnt grow up in our world and shouldent criticise. I hope everything goes well for you sweetie im in the same boat, but my long-time boyfriend is here for me. mwah =]

Answer 14

The truth is that if you are going to have s*x to begin and wothout protection you know that a big mistake willl happen because at the age you SHOULD KNOW  that with s*x there is a chance of pregnancy so teen girls have to stop and think of what they are going to do before they do it. Get the facts and then you'll know what's true and what's not about pregnancy, so if you have s*x you know what you are doing......In other word girls need to stop and think .....And also guys need to syop using girls and brainwashing them because they are humans like you the only difference is they suffer more......... Sometiimes you have to learn to say NO.....

Answer 15

I do believe that a lot of girls are taken advantage of by guys.  A lot of guys will say anything to have s*x without using a condom.  I've had both, and using a condom does not feel as good.  You can put lube in the condom and it helps but that is besides the point.  More girls need to be taught about protected s*x.  They need a class that tells them that there are guys out there that are jerks, and don't care about them, they only care about their *****.  It is sad when a girl just tries to do what her BF says is right, and it turns out that he was wrong, but he already left her so it is too late.

Answer 16

Well, I think you all do know that s*x=Pregnancy and y'all think that it cannot happen to you.  

Answer 17

I agree that there needs to be more realistic talks about s*x in school and with your parents.  That being said...don't blame others for your actions!

Answer 18

Don't! have an abortion.. give your baby up for adoption.. don't kill it ..Yea they should give health class to more than just seniors at your school its not like they are the only ones having s*x these days  

Answer 19

Your boyfriend only"tricked" you because YOU ALLOWED HIM TO DO IT- with ALLOWED being the operative word here, sweetie. You believed him when he said you couldn't get pregnant because you'd just finished your period- well, he was LYING and didn't know what he was talking about, or perhaps he knew and did this anyway to get you in the sack with him. The reality is, as you now know, that there is NO SAFE time when a woman cannot get pregnant- and for most women, all it takes is one sexual encounter, and there they are.  Either way, you have now learned a hard, painful lesson- and it's not over yet, I am sorry to say. He's dumped you- and that indicates he was only using you for s*x in the first place. He likely never even thought about the consequences which BOTH he and you are going to have to deal with now. You have rights, sweetie, and one of those rights is to petition the courts and the state for child support for yourself and your baby. By law, if your boyfriend was old enough to father a child, he's old enough to get a job and support you- or the state can come after him and put him in jail where he belongs, until he finally decides he's willing to cooperate. Another thing you need to do is visit your local chapter of Planned Parenthood and start getting prenatal care- their phone numbers are in the book under "reproductive services" and they provide a LOT MORE than just abortion services. They also provide pregnancy testing, basic prenatal care, contraceptive services and counseling, and pre and post abortion counseling. PP does not require parental notification or consent, as long as you are 16 or older ( which you are). PP is a non profit organization which operates on a sliding fee basis- they will charge you only what you can afford to pay, and many of their services are free. PP also has people on staff who can put you in touch with other agencies which may be of help to you, or even with an attorney who can help you in the event you decide to place your baby for adoption.

Meanwhile, you need to get up your nerve and courage, and tell your parents what has happened- because they are going to find out anyway, and it's better that they hear it from you and not some other source. Sure, I know that's going to be tough- but sweetie, you need their help to get through this, and your boyfriend needs to be made to face up to his responsibilities and help you. You can get a DNA test done if necessary to prove he's the dad- all it takes is a simple cheek swab- something which is painless and can be done in two seconds. They compare what they find from him with a small sample of your baby's blood, or of the amniotic fluid, and you can bet they'll find a match in short order. Your parents are going to be mighty upset with you, yes, but they will come around, especially if you make it clear to them that you intend to do the right thing and put your baby up for adoption, and that you will stay in school and finish your education. You can apply for help from different agencies to pay for things like food and your medical bills, and if you go the adoption route, oftentimes the potential adoptive parents will also pay for your medical expenses. Today's adoptions are not like the ones which happened when I was a kid- there is such a thing as an open adoption nowadays, where birth parents get to keep in touch with and know their children, even after the child goes to live with his or her new family. I actually have a friend who was adopted this way, and she knows her birth mother as well as her adoptive mother, and they all get along famously.

As for why guys do what your boyfriend did, I am sorry to say this, but it's all too common. Guys that age are usually extremely immature in terms of their emotions and thinking, and the last thing most of them want is to be a daddy at 16 or 17. It's considered shameful, even to them, which might surprise you. The problem comes from the fact that most of these same guys are being driven mad by all the hormones racing through their systems- male fertility reaches its peak when a guy is in his early teens, and slowly levels off after that. Add to this is the fact that guys think they are invinceable and can do anything they want and not have to pay the price, AND the fact that they often know even less about s*x than the girls do, and you have a recipe for DISASTER.

A similar thing can be said where your parents are concerned, sweetie. The reason they never talked to you about s*x was probably because either they were too embarrassed about it themselves, or they probably thought you were too young and immature to hear such talk. It also could be that they expected you would learn all you needed to know about s*x from school- which is a common trap that many parents today fall into. Unfortunately, they are now going to pay the price for their failure to inform and educate you about your body and the way it works- something which should have been done when you started your periods several years ago, but was not. If you had known even a little bit about s*x and about the way pregnancy happens, you would have realized that your boyfriend was just feeding you a line and would you have been in a much better position to tell him no, but because your parents chose to be lazy about telling you the truth, this is the price both you and they will pay. I'm sorry that this has happened to you- you deserved better than what you got. Your parents let you down, sweetie- and you aren't the only one who is going to learn some hard lessons here. They will too- and it might make them a little smarter in the future.

Good luck to you, and get yourself to the PP chapter. Talk to your folks- I know it's going to be painful, but you can't keep this to yourself much longer. Lastly, don't be afraid to get hold of a good lawyer and get child support- you and your baby deserve that.

Answer 20

i agree. they don't teach you what you really need to know. i honestly think that a lot of teen pregnancies could get avoided if they taught teens more about protection instead of just saying 'don't do it'. i hope everything works out for you!

Answer 21

they should inform teens more.  it's just sad that so many teens are getting pregnant because they aren't informed about s*x.  it's also sad that boys will use girls like that. it's stupid that your "boyfriend" if you can i even call him that, lied to you and and then dumped you because whether he likes it or not he may be a father.  i'm sorry you got tricked and that you may be pregnant.  you should watch the secret life of the american teenager on abc family, it's on tonight at 8.

Answer 22

ya probally unle55 they were raped

Answer 23

I think once you are pregnant it is pointless to assign blame.  Blame doesn't help with solutions it just breeds ill will.

I think the best things you can do for yourself is learn from your situation and see what you can do to keep from repeating it, figure out what you are going to do from here on out, have a plan, and move on with your life.    

God bless you, I hope you have the strength you need to make the hard decisions and life choices you are going to need to make.  

Answer 24

I agree with everything you say and I 'm sorry for the situation you are in but I really feel I need to add this:  Surely at 16 years old you know about STD's but knowwhere in your post do you talk about them.  You simply say that your boyfriend tricked you by saying you just got off your period.  Did you really think your were immune to dieses too?  And He probably didn't 'trick' you, men usually know less about periods and getting pregnant than girls do.

Answer 25

depending on the situation. 9 times out of ten it's their fault, there either to lazy to use contracetion or just ignorant they don't know enough about it. But it's also the boy's fault not just the girls, bad as one another if you ask me. However this doesn't mean they will ever be bad parents and they can raise their children as good as anyone else x

Answer 26

i agree, but if its not too late, take plan b.

good luck:[

Answer 27

Agreed

I am also 16 and they need to inform us better about this stuff. Its unfair how guys can just get a girl pregnant and walk off. Ive never really thought of it like this before until now.  But having s*x was their choice...so thats another thing

God bless and good luck sweetie!

Answer 28

It is your fault. Even though your boyfriend said you just had your period, you shouldn't have listened. You should have used protection anyway. And actually, after your period is when you're most likely to get pregnant.

You know your body better than he does, and you should have wised up and used protection...anyday of the month.

Answer 29

In PART,  I would have to say the answer to your question is yes, it is their fault.  I doubt that many teens out there are so uninformed that they don't know that having unprotected s*x could result in pregnancy. They just deny it or rationalize it ("it's just this once").  

But there is another part, and that involves teen psychology.  It's been well documented that much of the impulsive behavior of teens is due to the fact that the reasoning, cause-and-effect parts of their brains are still developing. In other words, it's not uncommon for teens to act without thinking. Combine that with raging hormones and intense emotions and it's not surprising that teen s*x and pregnancy happen all the time.  

I'm sorry your boyfriend used and abandoned you.  That also happens all the time, but it doesn't make it any easier when you are the one experiencing it.  You aren't worthless.  You are a unique and special human being who deserves love and respect. Always remember that.  

As soon as you can get a reliable result, take a pregnancy test, and if you are pregnant, ask your parents to help you with the decisions that you will have to make.  You should also get tested for STD's. I bet if you talk to your parents, they will support you. Explain what you just said here.  You feel tricked, used, and scared.  No loving parent would ever reject their daughter in that situation.   I know - I am the parent of a pregnant 16 year old.

Take care, and don't go through this alone.  

Answer 30

i think people are going to have s*x, and no one can stop that. so they should use protection, and yea i know always a chance

Answer 31

trust me i now exactly like u

i am 14 and pregnant

and when i told my boyfriend

he said that it isnt his!!!

and my parents r pissed at me and kicked me out

and i only have a couple of friends that r supporting me

and other than that im all alone

and if u need to talk or anything just send me an email or something

have luck with ur baby!!