Tell Me What You Think Of My Poem Please?

Question

It's not my best its kind of dark and has gore because this is the prompt http://ladyberii.deviantart.com/art/Sorry-I-killed-you-91765870

As I look upon my blood stained hand with your last breathe you gasp "Why?"

The knife lays upon a black surface and rings surround the room.

In just second it's in pieces on the floor.

Im sorry my dear that it ended this way.

Your green eyes wide open and silence echoes.

Your body grows cold as the hour passes by.

I hold your heart in my hand.

Dried blood not as much alluring as fresh.

My lover death became of you.

Why is it I feel guilt when i should feel relief.

Am I sorry I killed you.

Also What Do You Think Of The Title "The Lies Constantly Ring In My Head" ?

Answer 1

I do believe you should use this as the accent to the picture. I too, know the all pulling allure of green eyes. What intrigues me here is the question. Am I sorry I killed you? Is the killing of her (I assume it's a her), the destruction of something you perceive far worse in yourself, a real life destruction of love becoming a spiritual destruction of the seed of that love. I must admit I am intrigued.

Answer 2

I love it. Bloody brilliant! So evocative and the imagery? Wow! Wonderful work...thank you for sharing!

Answer 3

Awesome O_O!!!I love it ^-^

Answer 4

The title doesn't match.  I think that you made some of the sentences choppy, just because you start a new line you don't need to have a separete sentence. The line "Im sorry my dear that it ended this way" Could use a comma after the word dear and don't forget it's "I'm" not Im.  The lines that start "your body grows cold" and ends with "alluring as fresh" should be one sentence.   Should the word "IS" be in there also? dried blood is not as much alluring as fresh. The last line should end with a question mark.  I really liked the imagery you conjured and overall think it is a good poem.