Tell Me What You Think Of This Poem Please?

Question

http://allpoetry.com/poem/4410167

It's incomplete i am finishing it now but i just want to know what you think of the beginning

What do you think of the title "The Fire Burns Within"

Answer 1

:D

Answer 2

it is really good i think it shows how you feel about a guy but it is so good

Answer 3

Wow, this is the second question in which Jack D has posted a biased idea of poetry. There were a few kinks, but nothing that a little editing won't work out.

The message of the poem definitely got across the imagery of flames, burning alive. However, if the feel you wanted to go for was forceful, some altering of the stanza arrangement might be in order. The flow was very smooth, and I found it distracting to read about fire when I was floating on water, if you get my drift.

If I were you, I would turn this into a series of poetry. You seem to have a raging, vengeful goddess, and I found myself wondering who had offended her, what had they done, where did her power come from. You could capitilize on the interest that your poem piqued and do a great deal more with it.

Write on

Answer 4

Please change "torned" to "torn".

Answer 5

If you only want people to tell you it was great, move on to the next answer.

You have a little imagery here, but no obvious point yet.  Your word choice is pedestrian and inexperienced.  Your meter is sluggish and clumsy.  Your metaphors are childish.

After having said all that, I still want to encourage you to write.  You must expect, especially as a young beginner, that only 1 out of every 25 pieces you write will be worth keeping.  You will never find the one unless you write the 24 bad ones.  You have an obvious passion, but you need to study other poets.  Not just read them, study them.  Take a class where you can.  Read books about composition.  Poetry is an art and a craft.  Learn the craft part; and hope you have the talent for the art part.