Tell Me this..If Adoption is so great....?

Question

And that giving your baby up is such a great thing...And that you will feel so much better for it , and that you are absolutely doing the right thing in giving your baby up for adoption...because after all you will carry on, soldier on, go on with your life , and everything will be fine...?

Then why is it that Sooooooooooooo many Prospective Adoptive Parents want to get their hands on *your* child ?

Have you ever thought about it that way ?

If raising a baby is so hard, such a trauma , a life ending decision then why do they all want to get their hands on your unborn baby

?????

Answer 1

look slow down and steady i am adopted and it took me 33 yrs to find my real mother and to cut a long story short she was unable to keep due to her mother not having any thing to do with it and telling her what ..and what with no father to help with child no monies etc then there was but only one option and that was to give for adoption to a family that could give love good health and proper care ... and that some adoptees may not be able to concieve to carry to produce enough  but they are more than  capable of being parents  ... and also that some kids may have lost their parents in some way ie accident  natural cause of death.... so please go steady

Answer 2

I am answering this question as an adoptive parent.

I chose to become an adoptive parent because I was single, could not find the right person to spend the rest of my life with, and did not want to deliberately bring a fatherless child into the world.  I adopted three children internationally.  Two of my three daughters are special needs, and were adopted at older ages.  If I had not adopted them, they would have spent the rest of their lives in orphanages, and would not have received much of an education.  As adults, they would have been turned out on the streets.

This does not make me a great person, or a great mom.  I chose to adopt because I wanted to be a parent more than anything in the world.  I love my daughters profoundly, and could not love them any more if I had given birth to them.  They love me, also.  All three of them are planning on adopting children when they grow up, so I'm guessing they don't think adoption is such a bad thing.

There are good and bad adoptive parents.  There are also good and bad biological parents.  Neither is necessarily better than the other.   But after twelve years in the adoption community, I will say this to expectant mothers:  if you choose to give up your baby because you, yourself feel that you cannot be a good parent at this time in your life, you are making a truly loving and unselfish decision.  And I will also say this to prospective adoptive parents:  if you truly wish to become a parent, you will gladly give your love to ANY child, whether healthy or special needs, infant or school-age child.  If you are only willing to adopt a beautiful newborn healthy infant, and not willing to consider any other child, then you are adopting for the wrong reasons.  Think about it.

Answer 3

I'm an adoptee and I'm very happy with my family. I'm happy my birth mother gave me up for adoption because I'd probably be in some poverty ridden neighborhood hoping that I'll be alive the next day. I respect my birth mother for making the decision she did in hopes that I could have a good life even if it meant that she couldn't raise me herself. Let me ask you this: Would you rather live in a shelter never to be adopted or be sent foster home to foster home instead of being adopted?

Edit: In response to the person above me who said, "What makes an adoptive parent an automatically "better" parent?" It's not about their parenting skills. Like you said, "Most "birth" mothers are more than "willing" to parent their own children, but just lack resources..." Adoptive parents have those resources that you're speaking of.

Answer 4

If the parents are teenagers are the people looking to adopt are in their 30s, who do you think is in a better position to raise a baby?  Some women are single parents, too young, or just incapable of raising a child and know this. Some teenage girls want to keep the baby and that is great, my mom had my brother at 17, kept the baby, and married her boyfriend who is my dad.  They have been married for 31 years.  Sometimes people just are not ready and they know it is not fair to the child.

There are women out there who try and try and cannot get pregnant.  If they really want children, and decide to adopt, why not adopt from someone not ready to be a parent.

Answer 5

AJ - you won't get any intelligent answers here silly!

The air is way too thick with entitlement.

Answer 6

Giving up your baby is not a great thing, but some people feel its the best for the child...maybe that child can have more opportunities, better educations, a more privledged childhood that the parents did.  Some people are probably forced, others do not want or cannot care for a child as it is a huge responsiblity.

Prospective adoptive parents want to adopt for many reasons (i.e. they cannot have kids of their own and have a lot of love to give to those who were put up for adoption, or they want to give a home to those children who do not have one, or they are very wealthy and want to give some to a underprivledged child - would you rather those wealthy parents buy a boat instead of give a child a home and education.

Raising a child is hard, but people are willing to do it.  Who said it was lif ending...i dont think any parent would describe parenting that way.  Im guessing you arent a parent, because you obviously dont understand this.

I suppose you would rather all the kids that are put up for adoption to stay in the system and have to struggle like so many do with school and unfit foster homes, or better yet stay with their biological parents and die on the street ( you know thats another reason why parents give their kids up for adoption...they are living on the street).

But go ahead thinking people who want to adopt are evil.  You are so misguided...and I say that knowing that you may be an adoptee.

Answer 7

Wow.... just speechless. Some of the answers were.... *sigh*

"Lauren's" first mom

Answer 8

wow i did not realize that so many people feel that they do deserve to raise someone elses child and they would be the better parent..amazes me..i suppose they would have felt that way about me when i had my kids because im not rich by any means and dont have a college education..its a c**p world we live in when you think you have the right to tell a teenage mother that she is not going to be a good parent...some people cant have kids for a reason...and they should not be able to adopt..sorry thats my view point..because i was adopted by just such a couple..i think god had plans for them and it wasnt to raise kids..thats why they couldnt have their own little devil spawn..

Answer 9

because alot of adoptive parents are good people who cant concieve

Answer 10

I think I see where you are going with this...

Make a young, single, pregnant woman feel like parenting her own child is grueling, impossible, she will never get another night's sleep for the rest of her life, she will never be able to have a job or live a real life because of the demands of a child so she might as well admit that parenting is just too difficult and do the "right" thing and give up her baby.

Right?

But for some reason, if a person *adopts* her baby, they are magically just perfectly able and fit and will be able to carry on with life as if nothing ever happened and will never lose a wink of sleep or will have no difficulties in parenting whatsoever (even if it is another *single* person adopting).

Is this what you're saying?

I've kind of wondered this myself.  What makes an adoptive parent an automatically "better" parent?  Because they are willing to take in someone else's baby?  

Most "birth" mothers are more than "willing" to parent their own children, but just lack resources....

Answer 11

I think the best place for a child is with their biological parents IF their biological parents want to parent them, and if they are not abusive or neglectful.  If the birth parents can't parent them; don't want to parent them; or are abusive/neglectful to their children an adoption plan should be created in the best interest of the child.  

There are many good people who have the ability to parent children and want to do so.  The child may still have loss issues to handle throughout their life (as well as the birth parents) that the adoptive parent will try help with, but at least they won't have other issues like being abused or neglected as well...  yes, assuming the adoptive parents are not abusive or neglectful.

Every birthparent's situation is different.  There are many unmarried, poor, wealthy, happy birth parents who parent their children.  I've never seen PAPs stalking pregnant women, trying to convince them to give their baby to them.  And being a parent IS hard and IS life changing...  some people can't handle that, which is precisley why adoption is a great option for the parents who do not want to parent or cannot parent their children.

Answer 12

a couple of things:

-the propaganda is spread thick on young pregnant women. hence, they are told that the ONLY thing to do is place their children.

-babies are overwhelming.  and having a marriage and being older doesn't negate that fact.

-adoption is profit.  enough said.  

-the ideal that being raised by biological parents means a child will live in poverty is a myth.  many babies of affluent young women who placed end up being raised by people with LESS resources.

-the "selfless/crack w***e" birthmother dichotomy is tired.

Answer 13

Adoption or biological parents, which case is a case!

I have been adopted bcs my parents died and i had bad times, they were not kind persons .... but, sometimes foster parents are nice and kind than the biological parents...

And also giving a baby to adoption it's a very hard decision, should be taken in last place, however no one should judge that decision...

Finnaly, 1st, having a baby should be a wise decision if there are conditions to raise that child...

Answer 14

I don't think adoption is "great" but I think that it is "great" that I can adopt a child who needs a family, and yes then in fact is great for me.  I realize my familyh is born from loss, but i was not and never will be the cause of the neglect my children receivedx by their birth parent.

Answer 15

Placing a child for adoption is not an easy thing- I know, we have met both of our children's birth  moms.  Especially our sons.  She told us, and still does, we have contact with her, that it was the hardest thing that she ever did- but knew that it  was best for him.  What about those parents that cannot have children- should they be punished because they cannot conceive?  Would it be better for the women to abort her child, instead of carrying to term and then placing their child in someone else's home.  I know for a fact that adoption is not easy- however when a birth mom knows for sure that she could not raise her child, for some reason- would it be in the best interest of the child to keep the child just because she is the biological mother?

What I just said, does not negate the fact that the child should stay with the biological mother if at all possible, but if it isn't what is wrong with adoption?

Answer 16

I'm just glad that someone was waiting for me so that I could get out of the nightmare that I was living in.  I hate to think what could have happened if I would have been left to allow my parents the opportunity to continue parenting.  

Your thought is a nice one, but as with everything, not all stories are the same.  Not everyone is fit to be a parent and there does need to be Adoptive Parents waiting for kids like me.

Answer 17

Because I am prepared to give that child a good home, education and love.  I am prepared to feed it, house it, and properly care for his/her health.  Because I am a properly vetted parent that adoption agencies has determined I have the "means" to bring your child up productive in this world.

When children have children...that is not the case.  Sad, but true.  I know many will say otherwise, however, if you are 15 and pregnant...who is paying for the birth and doctor's visits?  (mom/dad/govt?)  Who pays to feed, clothe, medicate, babysit, etc.?  At any age if you do not finish your schooling...how can YOU support your child?

Answer 18

Unfortunately, agencies would like to convince women who aren't sure whether or not they can keep their babies that parenting is just so difficult.  They want these parents to think that somehow they can't do it, but "someone else" can.  (I'm not talking about relinquishing parents who KNOW they don't want to parent --I'm talking about parents who would like to parent but are confused about whether or not they can.)

You know, I would never try to convince someone that s/he cannot do something.  People who are uncertain need encouragement and support.

So, yes, why is it that when an uncertain, scared young woman is wondering whether or not she can parent, she is told by some agencies that keeping the baby will "ruin her life?"  But, then they turn around to place the baby with another person saying it will enhance or complete that person's life.  So, which is it?  Does having a baby ruin or enhance a person's life?

Answer 19

I didn't become a foster to adopt mother because I wanted to get "My Hand on Someone Elses Child".  I did not "Hand Pick" the children who I have fostered...I was asked if I could take children into my home!  The last foster child that we got I only knew his name and about how old he was - that was it!  I / We did foster to adopt to HELP CHILDREN AND THEIR FAMILIES to get "better" so that they could raise their children!  I have sent children home to their parents and to this day - still talk with Mom's...we have become friends and she appreciates me taking care of her son while she couldn't.

I am sorry if this comes off as rude, as I know you are trying to voice a different side of the story, but this is in no way the way we think nor anyone I know who fosters to adopt.

Answer 20

Are you serious? Obviously, you've had some sort of bad experience in being an adoptee, but don't assume all adoptive parents are bad people. Do you realize that there's a lot of people that can't have their own children & have to turn to adoption if they really want children? Then, you have the biological mother...there's lots of women that simply cannot afford, physically, financially or emotionally to raise a child & don't believe in abortion. Where are those children supposed to go? Whoever said that biological mothers that have given their children up for adoption are bad people is stupid. Don't let that one person speak for anyone but themselves.

Someone's bitter...

Answer 21

Because, it is hard for single, teenage girls to raise children on their own.  They are not emotionally, and sometimes mature enough to take care of themselves, let alone a baby.  There are thousands of couples who are unable to conceive a baby and would be wonderful parents to babies who have moms that are unable to provide a loving, stable, nuturing enviroment for them.

Answer 22

Please help stop the assumptoins

No one thinks the way you are describing..

I think some women MIGHT feel they made the right decision by relinquishing.. And sometimes it IS best for the child.. But many times it's not, and causes alot of heartbreak..

Please help stop the stereotyping of PAPs as maternity-ward stalkers.. PLEASE