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Tell me a good joke.....?

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Best joke i havent heard before gets 10 points!

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Knock Knock,

Who's there?

I am ap...

I am ap-who?? (a poo!)

Ha ha.
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husband says 2 wife 'my olympic condoms have arrived, i think i'll wear gold tonight'. wife says 'why dnt u wear silver and *** 2nd 4 a change''.

mary had a little t**t, a teeny weeny hole, but jonny cuddnt fit it in, his massive manly pole. he sukked her t*t n licked her C**t, and tried 2 squeeze it in, but nothing seemed 2 wrk 4 him, he jus cuddnt ***** win.so mary drank a lort of wine, she smoked a bit of grass and jus as she was passing out he shuved it up her ***!!
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went to tesco a week ago and they had a special on

he was pushing the trollies
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An Englishmans car breaks down in Scotland,

As he lifts his Bonnet a Scotsman walks up to the car and starts to look at the engine and fiddle with the wires,

The Englishman asks "Are you a mechanic?"

"No" Replied the Scotsman

"I'm a McTavish"
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Knock Knock!

Who's there?

Old lady.

Old lady, who?

I didn't know you could yodel!
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knock knock

whos there

me!!!

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This one was text to me, here goes...

GOOD NEWS - Your Network Tariff is changing. The uglier you are, the cheaper your calls. As from today your calls are FREE... I would have called to tell you but my calls cost me a fortune now :)
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You didn't hear this one, I'm sure! ;)

A little boy was doing his maths homework.

He said to himself,

"Two plus five, the son of a bitc... is seven.

Three plus six, the son of a bitc... is nine..."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my maths homework, Mom."

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.

"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you

teaching my son in maths?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the sonof a bitc... is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.

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I really like this joke i'm sure you will to:

Before and After Marriage

Before Marriage

John - Ah... At last. I can hardly wait!

Jane - Do you want me to leave?

John - NO! Don't even think about it.

Jane - Do you love me?

John - Of course! Always have and always will!

Jane - John you ever cheated on me?

John - NO! Why are you even asking?

Jane - Will you kiss me?

John - Every chance I get!

Jane - Will you hit me?

John - h**l no! Are you crazy?!

Jane - Can I trust you?

John - Yes

Jane - Darling!

Now this is what happens AFTER the marriage, read the whole thing again but this time read it starting from the end and!!

what do you think???

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So this pirate is on his ship with his crew, wakes up one morning and sees several ships coming his way.  He tells his crew: "bring me my red trousers and let's fight!".  This goes on for several days, every morning the same scenario, the red trousers and the fights.  The pirate wins every time and explains later why he needs his red trousers: "it's to give my men courage, so they don't see the blood running down my legs".

Next morning, the pirate wakes up and sees thousands of ships coming his way.  He yells to his men: "BRING ME MY BROWN TROUSERS!!"
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A Married Couple Wake Up In The Morning..

Wife: Who's Linda ?

Husband: I Don't Know, Why ?

Wife: In Your Sleep Last Night You Kept Saying Linda..

Husband: Oh..Urm..Thats My Horse I Betted On Yesterday..

Wife: Oh Okay.

"Husband Goes Work Then Returns Home Later"

Wife: Your Horse Phoned Today !!!!

Hope You Like It Lol ! Ã¢Â™Â¥
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How do you make a snooker table laugh??

Put your hands in its pockets and tickle its balls!!
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Irishman that tried to blow up the back of a bus.....burnt his lips on the exhaust.

What a mushroom called, who parties hard, and loves going out............A Fun Gi

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One cow says to another: Have u got mad cows disease? The other one replies: How wld i know, i'm a duck!!
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A dyslexic walks into a bra...
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A young woman goes into the Dr's and says i think I've got acute angina, the Dr replies, I would have to agree and your t.i.t.s. aren't bad either.
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