Tell me honestly. Do you think I am being too mean?

Question

Okay, here's the situation. My husband is deployed (been gone for three weeks) and will probably be gone until Thanksgiving. I have five kids and the oldest is a 15 year old boy. My children are all pretty well behaved so I don't really have too much trouble with them. But lately, my oldest son has taken to calling his younger brothers stupid and dumb. He'll say, "You're so stupid. why do you do......(whatever)"

Now we have never allowed our kids to name-call and we ESPECIALLY do not allowed them to call each other stupid. What on earth makes him think he can start now?!?

I think it has to do with his dad not being here, so he thinks he's a man now. Though I must say even the "man" of our house never calls anyone stupid!

Anyway, I have started a new thing with him. Every single time he calls anyone stupid or dumb, I get his phone for 24 hours. I put it away and turn it off and he doesn't get it back until exactly 24 hours later. The first night, he lost it for three days in the first hour! For the next three days, he never said it again. So I gave him his phone back after three days and he went a week without saying it. Then one day he said it again. I took his phone and this time I told him it was for two days. I gave it back after two days and I told him if he says it again, it will be three days. Do you think I am being too mean? I want it to stop. He loves his phone. He got it for his B-day last March and it is very important to him. But do you think three days is TOO mean, or is it justified?

What do you think?

Answer 1

i think you are doing the right thing  

Answer 2

I think you should kill him.

Really, after all you got 4 others that might turn out ok

Answer 3

I am not a parent, but maybe try rewarding him for not name calling.

Answer 4

I do not think you are being too mean. I think you are being a good parent!

Answer 5

Justified!  Calling names is awful.  He's the man of the house now and needs to set the example!  Well done!

Answer 6

Very much justified.  I think you found a punishment fit for the crime.

Answer 7

you've gotta do what you've  gotta do

Answer 8

its justified

and if its working i would keep on doing it

Answer 9

I would wash his mouth out with soap every time he called his brother that.  

Answer 10

OMG, you are being so nice! How else should you correct this behavior? If telling him doesn't help, then you need to take something away so he can feel the pain.

BTW, KUDOS to you for not resorting to hitting your child.

Answer 11

This is completely consistent with how you have parented your son, not too mean.  I think his age has to be a significant factor.  Remember when you were a 15 year old.  Children typically rebel in a major way at this age, we've all been there.  It is a tribute to you as a parent that when he chooses to go wayward as a teenager it is simply calling a sibling "stupid".  Most teenagers get into much deeper trouble to finding themselves.  Continue your consistent discipline, and I am sure he will return to the way you have raised him and  abandon his spree of calling siblings names.

Answer 12

Bravo, mom, way to go!!  Nope, he knows the rule - he's got to live with the consequences.  He wants to act like a man?  Stop calling others names.  I think you're doing great!

Answer 13

Your not being too mean, if it works, then use it.  He has proven that it is his choice when he calls his brothers and sisters names when he does not do it when his phone is taken away.

Answer 14

I don't think that is mean at all.  Maybe you need to have a talk with him about it, (the name calling) .  Maybe he is angry about something, and he is using this as an outlet.  hope all works out for you, you sound like a good mom.  good luck and thank you to your husband and your family for your service to America.

Answer 15

No it is justified having a cell is a privilege that can be revoked.

Answer 16

no, you have it right on target. ma'am. he will learn. he will second guess himself eventually when he goes to call someone stupid. it will work out. hope i helped. and thakyou for the 2 points!

Answer 17

I do not think that it is mean.  He is old enough to know what the consequences are for saying words that he is not supposed to say   .  Being 15 years he has no "need" for a phone, so to take away a privilege seems perfectly fine and necessary to me.  

Answer 18

I think it is justified. He is old enough to stop himself from saying it. And I have made it clear to my kids we do not talk to people that way especially your siblings, period.

Answer 19

NO not at all. That is the best thing to do IMO is take away something that is important to him. I think he is just becoming a rebellious teeneage. I wouldn't worry much about it, but no you are not being to mean at all.

Answer 20

It sounds like the punishment is having some effect on him so keep it up. Just make sure you stick to your 24 hour rule (every time he says it he loses the phone for 24 hours). If you start changing the rules he'll see the inconsistencies as an excuse to try and break the rules even more.

Answer 21

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED!  Dont feel bad by doing this!  This is the best way to let him know you are serious by taking away his fav thing!  I totally support you!!!

Answer 22

I don't think you are being too mean.  I have a 15 year old too, and thank you for the great idea, because she does the same thing.  I am constantly telling her not to call the younger ones stupid or moron, that no one called her names when she was little, but it hasn't been working.  Keep up the good work.

Answer 23

praise the good, punish the bad - even if he is 15 he'll like to feel appreciated and should have learnt by now - rats learn faster than teenage boys though!!!! good luck, keep at it.

Answer 24

no i don't think it is mean!!  I think it is great!!  There are to many kids who run the house... the parent is in charge - good for you!!  keep it up!

Answer 25

Sounds like the perfect punishment for the crime. Seems like its starting to work too. You said he didn't do it for a week after the first time. That's an improvement!

Answer 26

I think this is very fair. If I did this more then twice I would lose my phone permanetly (except I dont have a phone. lol...) and my mom would ground me.

Answer 27

i think this is a wonderfull way to show your children that name calling is bad and coneecting it with a punishment that hurts somewhat

\this methood your trying will work

you are not being mean at all !

Answer 28

I think its justified but its not really working. If it was working, then after the first time he wouldn't have done it again. You need to find something else to take or ground him.  

Answer 29

I think it's justified, you're teaching him that being a man is treating others with respect...not name-calling.  It's definitely not too harsh a punishment!  Very fair.

Answer 30

Justified.

Answer 31

I think that this is a very debatable situation.

The boy clearly misses his father..

and he need something to do in the meantime.

I truthfully think that what your doing is perfectly okay.

so keep it up (: