Tell me if this is a good essay? Or if I need to do a little more fixing? Please rate from 1 - 10?

Question

The Strangest dream

One night, my grandma had the strangest dream. I was five years old. She dreamt that my mother was dead. She said she saw my mom in a white dress standing on their front porch. In her dream she said she tried to talk to my mom but she didnt hear a thing my mom was saying. Til' this day I still dont understand how this dream thing works.

Morning has arrived, my mother was packing our things to go out. While my mother was packing my grandma said "be careful today." My mom was skeptic and asked her "why?" My grandma said "because I had a dream that you were dead last night and thats not a good sign." So my mom said "okay." Right before we headed out the door my grandma repeated herself again "be careful today."

Now we're on the other side of the island. We parked our car on the side of the street so that we could take a walk on the beach. We were all out of the car. My mom and everyone walked across the street and didnt notice that I was picking rocks up off the ground. There were no cars, completely deserted. So I as a child ran onto the road because I didnt see any cars. And all of a sudden a bus was coming towards me and I wasnt fast enough. The bus hit me and I flew ten feet.

I was in the hospital for a few days. I had no broken bones but I had a lot of scratches all over my body. I was released from the hospital. On my way home I was telling my mom that I saw her screaming and crying for help. She was stunned because she said that my eyes were totally rolled back.

A couple of days later my grandma took my mom to a fortune teller. She asked the fortune teller why it happened to me and not my mom because she had the dream of my mom. The fortune teller said "because your daughter is pregnant and it is not time for the baby in her womb to go." My grandma was shocked because they didnt mention that my mom was pregnant and the fortune teller also said "if it were to hit your daughter she would have died instantly."

I am now twenty years old and still trying to figure out how it all works. I dont know if I would find out anytime soon because I dont ask around too much. Maybe in another ten years or so. But I am glad that my mom and I are still alive today. I dont ever want myself or anyone else in family to go through this kind of stuff ever again. I believe that I was blessed by an angel.

Answer 1

When people have these types of dreams they interpret them before they tell someone , so when you hear about it you hear .just their interpretation and not the actual dream as it was dreamt.This is where the confusion starts.

7/10

Answer 2

Tie your sentences together to make this sounds more fluid and less like a telegram.  Instead of "One night, my grandma had the strangest dream (STOP). I was five years old (STOP). She dreamt that my mother was dead (STOP)."  Try putting it this way: "One night when I was five years old, my grandma had the strangest dream that my mother was dead."  

Find vocabulary instead of leaving it as "dream thing."  It makes your essay sound like you didn't put much thought into it.  Also NEVER EVER use contractions in a formal essay - this also makes your writing voice sound lazy.  "Can't = cannot, I'm = I am, Til' = Until."  Your use of "Til'" is incorrect - if you uncontract it to "Until" your sentence does not make sense.  A better way to say that whole sentence would be "To this day I still do not understand how dreams work."

"So I as a child" should be "So as a child, I..."

"I dont ever want myself or anyone else in family to go through this kind of stuff ever again" words like "stuff" are also lazy words that make the reader think you couldn't find a better vocab to suggest this.

I think your essay over all needs a single thought that ties it all together, I'm sorry you got hit by a bus, but your reader will not understand what you being hit by a bus has to do with your grandma's dream and your mother being pregnant unless you explain it and tie it all together somehow.