1. A young businessman had just started his own business. He'd rented a beautiful office and had it brilliantly decorated. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office.
Wishing to appear busy, the young businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he was working a big deal. He was shouting huge figures and made giant commitments.
Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I'm here to install the phone!"
2. A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM, Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
3. A policeman was sitting on the hard shoulder watching the traffic go by when a car zoomed past him doing at least 120 mph!
The policeman chased him down, and pulled the car over. He went up to the car and asked, "Do you know that you were doing at least 50 mph over the speed limit?"
The driver replied, "Was I officer, I'm terribly sorry but I wasn't aware of that."
The policeman said, "May I see your drivers license please?"
The man replied, "I don't have one officer."
"Of course you do," said the policeman.
"No sir, I don't," said the man.
"So why do you have this car?" asked the policeman.
"This is not my car, I stole it," said the man.
"You are driving a stolen car?" said the policeman.
"Yes I'm afraid so sir,"
Looking puzzled the policeman said, "Let me see the registration, so we can find out who it belongs to."
The man said, "There is nothing in the glove compartment except some candy, oh, and my gun."
"Your gun!" exclaimed the officer, clearly worried by this point, as this man was obviously a lunatic.
"So you don't have a drivers license, you stole this car, and there is a gun in the glove compartment!"
"Yes sir," said the man, "Oh and a body in the trunk."
"WHAT!!" said the policeman turning white, "Ok so you have no drivers license, you have stolen this car, there is a gun in the glove compartment, and a body in the trunk?"
"Yes," said the man, sounding slightly irritated.
"Look," said the policeman, "You wait right here and don't touch anything! Don�t move, don�t even breathe."
So the policeman ran to his car and radioed the station, "I want to speak to the chief," said the policeman, "And quick!"
He waited about a minute and the chief came on the line, "What is it," he said.
"I've got a man here, he is a complete lunatic he has very calmly stated that he is driving a stolen car, he has no drivers license, there is a gun in the glove compartment, and a body in the trunk," said the policeman.
"I'll be right there," said the chief.
In ten minutes the man and the car were surrounded. There was the chief of police, a swat team, everybody you could imagine.
The chief walks slowly to the car in his bulletproof vest and says to the driver, "Hello sir, may I see your drivers license?"
"Of course," said the man, and produced it from his back pocket.
Looking puzzled, the chief asked, "Is this your car?"
"Yes," said the man.
"Can I see your registration please sir?" asked the chief.
The man leaned over to open the glove compartment.
"Please don't open it sir!" said the chief.
"Why?" asked the man, "I thought you wanted my registration."
"I do," said the chief, "But there is a gun in there."
"Don't be silly," said the man, and he opened the glove compartment, empty apart from some candy.
"Let me get this right," said the chief, "You have a drivers license, this is your car and there is no gun in the glove compartment."
"Yes," said the man,
"And there is no body in the trunk, I suppose," said the chief.
"BODY!" exclaimed the man, "Why on earth would I have a body in my trunk?"
"Sir I apologize for this, but my officer told me that you had no drivers license, you had stolen this car, you were in possession of a gun, and a body in the trunk."
"The lying fool, said the man, "I bet he said I was speeding to!"
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