Tell me please if I should work on it some more.?

Question

A Space Creature

The night is like a cut

A cut of my strings

In the great puppet art

Of my dreams

I stumble around in a daze

A daze in my metered maze

My limbs again

My wooden dreams

My trapping parts

Of these puppet arts

These ties make me

My strings exceed me

As the puppeteer

As is me

In a paste of twine

A chreographed line

In dancing I would cut

Such that I as my dreams may dream

Of my great art of act of art

I am a deformed muppet

A broken trumpet

A snipped string clings to my arm

It is still

It is the Sutradhara

The holder of strings

The marionette

Like the night

Cold in the age of space flight

Answer 1

I love how you've edited this. It's much more smooth and coherent now, and easier to read. I especially like the changes to lines 6-10. It was a little choppy before, more flowing now.

As far as changing it more, that's up to you. There's really no glaring mistakes in this poem. You could separate the last line into two lines, or make the fourth line "The art of my dreams". But that's just what I think. And I didn't write the poem. It's finished when you decide it's finished.

Answer 2

that was a beautiful poem, i love the rhyming it fits perfectly. i have no idea what the poem is about really. but it has nice imagry and great wording. i worldnt say it needed changing.