Tell me some really funny jokes!!!?

Question

yes... blonde jokes too.

=)

10 easy points 2 the person that makes me laugh the hardest.

Answer 1

A nurse rushes into an exam room and says...Uh. let me start all over again. A nurse rushes into a waiting...No, it's not the waiting room. She just came from the waiting room. Let me start all over again. A doctor rushes into...No, wait...Oh forget it. :(

Answer 2

  Blond toilet incident

A blond woman was sitting having a drink at a bar with her friends when she suddenly needed the toilet, she excused herself and went into the ladies lavatories,.Once in the cubicle she found that her zipper was stuck and she wet herself. She hoped that her friends would understand and drive her home so  she made her way over to the bar where  they were sitting. "What happened to you?" one asked. She blushed and replied, "I couldn't get my skirt off." BLONDS ARE GOLD

Answer 3

why did the plane crash?

because it had a orange as a plilot lol

okaii its stupid but just imagine a orange wearing a pilot hat.. and a monobro lol FUNNY!!

i have more but i like this one

♥ babbiie girlxx

Answer 4

Your p**p has effin crevices

Answer 5

Chuck Norri's tears are the cure for cancer, too bad he never cries.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Answer 6

Naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other. The bartender says, I guess you won't be needing a drink. Naked lady says...

Answer 7

if an alien spaceship lands in your backyard, how many twinkies will it take to fill the dog house???

no, because fish dont eat ice cream.

Answer 8

-.-

Your mom.

Hah, I just got 2 easy points by posting an answer, what now?

Answer 9

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

It takes me awhile to get hard and I was just laid by a chick

Answer 10

eehhhh. kinda funnyy??

A man walks into a drug store with his 8 year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?”

To which the man matter-of -factly replies, “Those are called condoms, son… Men use them to have safe s*x.”

“Oh, I see,” replied the boy pensively. “Yes, I’ve heard of that in health class at school.” He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, “Why are there 3 in this package?”

The Dad replies, “Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday.”

“Cool, says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, “Then who are these for?”

“Those are for college men.” the Dad answers, “Two for Friday, Two for Saturday and Two for Sunday.”

“WOW!” exclaimed the boy, “then who uses THESE?” he asks with bright eyes, picking up the 12 pack.

With a sigh, the Dad replied, “Those are for married men, one for January, one for February, one for March…”

Answer 11

Whats green and dangerous?

A thundering herd of pickles

Whats yellow smooth and dangerous?

Shark infested custard

Whats small purple and dangerous?

A grape with a machine gun

Whats red and goes up and down?

A tomato in an elevator

Answer 12

: How many stupid blondes does it take to make a circuit?

A: Two - one to stand inside the bath, the other to pass the hair dryer.

Q: What's the diff between a blonde and a computer?

A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: Did you hear about the dumb blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?

A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q: What's a dumb Blondes favorite rock group?

A: Air Supply.

Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch a cold?

A: No need for em to worry about blowing their brains out.

Q: What did the blonde girl name her pet Zebra?

A: Spot.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?

A: From crawling across the street when the pedestrian sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who attempted to drive to EuroDisney?

A: She saw a sign saying: "EuroDisney Left" so she went home

Answer 13

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?

A: On the back she saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: What does Star Trek's Dr Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?

A: Space. The final frontier..........

Q: What did the blond do when she missed the 66 Bus?

A: She took the 33 bus twice instead.

Q: Why do ya reckon Blonds don't have elevator jobs?

A: Cos they've no idea of the route.

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes Twinkle?

A: You shine a torchlight in her ear.

Q: Did you hear about the blond Bear?

A: Got stuck in a hunter's trap, chewed off it's 2 paws and 1 leg, and was still stuck.

Q: How does a stereotypical blonde spell Farm?

A: E-I-E-I-O.

Q: How do you measure their intelligence?

A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in their ear.

It's with great tragedy that I report my blonde next door neighbour tried to kill her toy poodle.

She tried putting batteries in it.

To amuse a Blonde for hours, give her a sheet of paper with 'Please turn over' scribbled on both sides.

Posters

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?

A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?

A: Frosted Flakes.

Q: What do you call a blonde holding a brief case, up a tree?

A: The Branch Manager.

Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?

A: Proof-reading.

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?

A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: Why do blondes love lightning?

A: They reckon somebody is taking their photo.

It's with tremendous sadness that I report a local blond girl has lost 95% of her brains....yes, her husband just died.

Q: What's brown, red, black and blue?

A: A Brunette who's been tellin one too many blonde jokes.

NEWSFLASH: Blonde girl fired from Banana plantation for throwing out all the bent ones.

Q: Why couldn't the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?

A: She couldn't find the recipe.  

Answer 14

an italian, a mexican, and a blond were sitting on top of a building in a construction site eating the same lunch they ate every single day. the italian said "if I eat another PB and J sandwich I am going to jump off this building." The mexican said "If I eat another ham sandwich I am going to jump off this building." And the blond said "If I eat another bologna sandwich i am going to jump off this building." The next day the italian saw that he had another PB and J sandwich so he jumped to his death. the mexican saw that he had another ham sandwich so he jumped to his death. And the blond saw that he had another bologna sandwich so he jumped to his death as well. At the funeral the Italian and Mexican"s wives said "If only he told me I would've packed something else." They looked at the blond's wife and she replied "Don't look at me...he packed his own lunch."

Answer 15

Go on my source and you'll laugh.  Oh, I know a funny one.  A lady was in a bar and a man asked if he could buy her a drink.  She said no, because it would affect her legs.  He asked if it would make her legs swell.  "No," she simply replied, "It will make them spread!"  

Answer 16

Q:why does a blonde drive a BMW

A:cuz she can spell it :D

Q: why is a blonde like a bottle

A: because they are both empty from neck and up

Answer 17

there's this buisness guy at he top of a bridge

he wants to suicide beacuse his life is horrible

a cop comes and asks him "why are you gonna kill yourself"

the guy says"my life is a mess, nobody in my family likes me"

the cop says"look down there, that guy has no arms and he is dancing"

so they go down to ask the guy with no arms why is he dancing

the armless guy says"i'm not dancing i'm trying to itch my butt"

Answer 18

There was this guy who was late for his plane.  So he was running up to the checking counter, and he noticed the woman behind the desk had enormous b*****s.  He stammered, out of breath "I'd like two tickets to tittsburgh-- Oh my GOD I'm so sorry."  She told him it was okay, and he ran to his plane.  As he was boarding, his face was a little red, and he was shaking his head in embarrassment.  The guy next to him asked him if he was okay.  He told him what had happened.  The old man replied, "Yeah, something just like that happened to me this morning.  I meant to say to my wife, 'Honey, could you pass the salt,' and instead, I said I HATE YOU, YOU RUINED MY LIFE!"

Answer 19

How do you drown a blonde?

Glue a mirror to the bottom of a pool

Answer 20

A Blonde, brunette, and red head were walking down the road and the red head stopped and said, "Ewe a dead bird".. the blonde looks up and says, "were"?

Answer 21

Yo mamma's so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the bathroom scale.

Answer 22

An adorable little girl enters my pet shop and asks do you have any bunnies? I say sure, would you like a white soft bunny or a black fuzzy bunny? she shrugged. I dont think my python really cares

i dont care if i have a misspelling

Answer 23

Hillary Clinton says she's the most qualified because she was married to a president for eight years. Now let me ask you, if a brain surgeon quit his job, would everyone in the operating room say, "Wait, let's get his wife."

Answer 24

i got 2 jokes

blonde joke-there was this blonde rowin a boat in a wheat field and a blonde pulled over and said u know its blondes like u that give us blondes a bad name and if i had a boat i would come out there and .........

regular joke- this farmer ask for a roster to have s*x with a chicken to get eggs and he had 20 chickens and he went the next day and all the chickens were dead cuz the roster screwed them to death so the next day he bought 50 chickens and the next day they were all dead and the farmer bought 100 chickens and the next day he found the chickens dead and the roster was layin there and there was buzzards swarmin over them and to so the farmer says well at least hes outta my way and the chicken went shhh and pointed up cuz he wanted to s***w them to death

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

Answer 25

Why did the dummy bring the car door with him to the beach?

If he got hot, he would pull down the window.

A bomb walked in a bar and he.......BOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!!!

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender "gimme your cheapest beer"

"How cheap?"

"Free"

So the bartender chopped the guys arm off, added some wine from 1979 then drained the blood from the arm into a glass for him.

Then Count Dracula runs to the bartender and said "I asked the same thing and all I got was this stupid toilot water."

Answer 26

one day

there were 10 blond     s and one brown haird      holding on to a ladder off of a helicopter 500 feet in the air over the ocean.

the helicopter wouldn't pull them up unless they lost one person. one      would have to volunteer to jump off. the brown haired      volunteered to jump off. she wanted to give a goodbye speech before she jumped. when her speech was finished, the blonds all clapped.

Answer 27

So This Cop Was Writing A Parking Ticket

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, ‘Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?’

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a stupid idiot. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!

Then I really got angry at him. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn’t really care.... My car was parked around the corner.

Answer 28

a man is talking to a pirate with a pegged leg, and eye patch and a hook.

the man asked how he got the pegged leg... the pirate said that he fell overboard and a shark bit it off.

the man asked how he got the hook... the pirate said he was in a raid and some someone cut it off.

the man asked how he got the eye patch... the pirate said that he a bird dropping fell into it... the man said with surprise "and that took out your eye?!?!?!?!"... the pirate said....................................... it was my first day with the hook!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

LOLOLOLOL

Answer 29

Q: How many black people does it take to clean a toilet?

A: None, it's a woman's job.

That always gets a laugh out of my friends.

Answer 30

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America , Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as 'HILLBILLIES.'

You must now refer to them as

APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS .

And furthermore

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a ' BREASTED AMERICAN.'

2. She is not ' EASY ' - She is

'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'

3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'

4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'

5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes

' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

6. She is not a 'TWO- BIT HOOKER' - She is a ' LOW COST PROVIDER.'

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a ' BEER GUT' - He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'

2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is ' OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'

3. He does not ' GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He ' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'

4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in

'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL A$$' - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'

6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's

'REAR CLEAVAGE.'

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Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The i-t*t will cost $499 or $599 depending on cup size. This has been hailed as a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their b*****s and not listening to them.

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Answer 31

Joke1

2 guys are walking in the forest suddenly one falls onto the ground the other guy calls 911 and says help help my friend is dead the operator

say calm down sir first make sure your friend is dead theres silence then

a gun shot then the guys says now what

Joke2

Pepito has a lemon tree he has to get water for his tree so he tells Tito

to watch it for him Pepito gives Tito a gun and says dont let anyone near my lemon tree

time passes and Tito is still there he hears a noise in the bushes

Tito frightened says (WHOS THERE) the person says (YOUR MOM)

Tito says (NO YOUR MOM) and shoots when the sun rises he finds that he had killed his mother

hope you like them