Tell me something funny that will make me smile!?

Question

I'm sad right now, and I need something like a joke or SOMETHING that will make me laugh. The thing that makes me laugh the most gets best answer!

Answer 1

two friends are talking, one of them is a really dumb guy. the dumb guy says hey, the u.s has landed on the moon before right? the other friend says of course they have. way back in the early apollo missions. so the dumb guy replies okay, how about the sun, have they landed there? the other guy says NO, thats just not possible, you know how bright the sun is when you walk out during the day? well that is an indicator of how extremely hot the sun is, a ship or rocket could not get anywhere near the it without burning up in flames. so the dumb guy says, how about this, they could just go at night!!!!

Answer 2

A wise man once said,

"If I had a banana for every time someone asked me out, I would be a very hungry man."

How true this is for me. This quote I found was from some guy's signature on the GameFAQs message board. I applaud him.

Answer 3

what tree is karate champion? answer : spruce lee!  

Answer 4

This lady pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure her dog had fresh air. He was stretched out on the back seat, and she wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. She walked to the curb backward, pointing her finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car gave her a startled look. "I don't know about you, lady, " he said incredulously, "but I usually just put my car in park."

Answer 5

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" hahahahahahahha.

Answer 6

A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair,

turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a

beer before it starts."

His wife looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.

When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer.

It's gonna start."

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.

When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer before it

starts."

"That's it!" She blows her top, "You b

*stard! You waltz in

here, flop your fat *ss down, don't even say hello to me

and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you

realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day

long?"

The husband sighed. "Oh sh*t, it's started."