Tell me the funniest thing you can think of?

Question

winner gets ten points and write whatever as long as its funny:

example- i just saw this question and almost died-Should I keep a cookie jar full of my friend's grandpa's ashes?

My friend gave me a cookie jar full of his grandfather's ashes last weekend for my birthday. He thought it would be a nice gift for me since he was a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist and I am a journalist too.

I would like to keep the cookie jar, it's very nice. But I don't know what to do about the ashes. It is pretty creepy to keep them in our house, and I would like to put cookies in the jar. But, he does come to our house at least 4 times a week and I know he would be upset if I threw them away. And I think it would be very insulting to give them back to him.

impress me

Answer 1

I need to go to the bathroom.

Okay, that wasn't funny.

I just wanted to tell you.

Bye.

Answer 2

A 70-year-old man goes to the doctor's for a physical.

The doctor runs some tests and says to the man, "Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?"

And the man says, "Oh me and God? We're tight. We have a real bond, he's good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off."

Well, upon hearing this the doctor was astonished.

He called the man's wife and said, "I'd like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again when he leaves. Is this true?"

And she says, "That idiot, he's been peeing in the refrigerator!"

Answer 3

a little kid shoving a lollipop up a cats poohole!  ^___^

Answer 4

a monkey humping a football

Answer 5

was that an example of a funny thing? because i didnt even slightly feel amused, let alone laugh. i feel sorry for you if that is the funniest thing you can think of.

Answer 6

The ulnar nerve.

Answer 7

An eighty year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's office, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.

After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down, making notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?"

He replied, "To the kitchen."

She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

Then his wife asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"

"No, I can remember that."

"Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that," his wife said.

"I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She replied, "Well, I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that. You had better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down, I can remember that." He went into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes, he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stared at the plate for a moment and said, "You forgot my toast."

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