Tell me what you think of my poem..

Question

I wrote it when I was about 15. Its called Just Another Dream

Dark, deep and delving

My love for you is overwhelming

Smouldering, s**y and silent

This love, I can't defy it

Dreamy, delightful and dynamite

Can't wait to be with you tonight

Pulse, purge and pain-staking

Unrequited love in my heart aching

Lonely. Desperate. Unfufilled.

The Truth.

Answer 1

good bit of verse, I like it, short and to the point.  well done.

I wonder about the last sentence.  I think I would've made that be the title and allowed "Lonely. Desperate. Unfufilled." to be your closing statement.

Answer 2

i can definitely tell that you are an amateur.  its very cliche.  this reminds more of just rhyming rather then poetry.  poetry is an art form. it's a way of expressing emotions you can't do otherwise.  this is the opposite. this is like trying to put "i love you" in rhymes...

keep trying.

Answer 3

i like it...

it really kept my attention and made me WANT to read more...

poetry usually bores me, but this was good

and it makes me want to have someone i could say this too LOL

Answer 4

I like it. It's way more interesting then the stuff I had to critique in poetry class. You use meter well, and your rhyme scheme is nice.  

Answer 5

it is not bad.that's all.

Answer 6

I found this poem to actually be a good poem. I don't have anything

negative to say. It's really good. =)

check mine out please?http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 7

If you were 15 and you wrote this i would have to say kudos to you. I like it especially the complexity that is in it. I think if you wrote this at 15 i would love to see what you can write at 18.

Job well done!