Telling a new partner you have bipolar?

Question

Hi. I'm not ready to play the dating game yet but it is something I have on my mind a lot. Once I find someone to date and that I trust and it looks like heading into a relationship... do I need to tell this person I have Bipolar II (2) and if so, how do I do it? Does it really ever need to be brought up? But then again, if something happens or whatever the guy would need to know why I take medication or if I have a relapse or something... I just dont know what to do! In the pass, my long term partners have known I had depression. It did cause some stress but mostly it all worked out (obviously we split for personal reasons) but it scares me that in this day and age, a guy is NOT going to understand or care or whatever about the illness or shrug it off as nothing serious yet when I breakdown, he will just walk out. I'm so scared that this f**king thing is going to rule my life forever... job wise, family wise and love wise. Help! Serious answers only.

Answer 1

Even if you don't tell your partner they will find out on their own anyway the first time you relapse as it's not hard to figure out.  I don't know what the solution is to your dilemma besides finding some who is understanding, big hearted, patient, and long suffering enough to deal with this.  You may have better luck with someone else who has this same diagnosis.  You should go to some type of support group to meet others or try online dating or place an ad in your local personals.  If people know what to expect and they are empathetic the relationship is more likely to work.  Also there is no good reason to go off of your medicine when you know that when you do you become abusive to others even if it is at least emotional abuse or friendship abuse.  You know that others will have to take special care and time with you when you are sick so don't let yourself become sick and stay on your medicine.  If your medicine isn't working communicate with your doctor until they find something that does.  I have been dealing with someone who is depressed for over a year now and they are very inconsiderate of me having to always be there for them and I am there for them every day encouraging them, but what I want is for them to simply do what needs to be done and stop having to rely on me and just be a friend instead of a patient.  I will be there for them unless they walk away from me because that's just how I am, but I am this way primarily because I have a diagnosis of my own.

Answer 2

It's not necessary to tell anyone if you are just casually dating unless you really want to.

If it looks like it's going to turn into a long term serious relationship I think the other person needs to know.

Honesty is everything.

Some people have narrow minded ideas about mental illness. I wouldn't want to be around somebody like that.

Answer 3

Heya,

I can understand your fears. I dont have bi-polar but I have enduring depression and it worries me that I'll never find a guy who isnt freaked out and doesnt think "Oh God, if I upset her she'll try to kill herself" or something silly.

I would say that you should be honest about bi-polar, but you dont need to jump in and do it straight away.  After all, it doesnt define who you are, its just a condition you have. Let people get to know the real you and see all your great qualities. I find with explaining depression to people I've chose to tell, it helps to build up the picture first-I say about having a difficult childhood with abuse etc. I think it can help if the guy can see the illness in context and have some understanding of it.

If you've chose a loving partner hopefully they'll stick by you if you relapse. Make the good times good, and then when you're ill you can assure them that you're doing all you can for yourself to help get better and back to that.

Even if you have a boyfriend try to make sure you have a good support network of friends or even a mental health social group,so if you do relapse you have a variety of people to turn to and talk to, and your partner wont feel like he's carrying all the burden and be more likely to stick around.

Good luck and hope you find happiness!