Telling children about adoption...?

Question

With so many APs asking about how to tell children about adoption, I'm curious if adoption agencies don't provide guidance in that area?

Answer 1

My adoption agency does provide information, and all should if they are reputable and have a good counseling staff. Ask around, you may find what you need, and if not there, there are a world of books available to you.

Answer 2

Ours provided very vague guidance in that area because "every situation is different".  

To tell my two year old about her adoption, I created a scrapbook style story about how she came to live with us, complete with information about her birth fanily's heritage, birth mom's beliefs, hobbies, previous places she had lived, her first day home with us, and the day we went to court and had it made officlal.  

Because of the above statement the agency made, I ran the story by them before assemblng the book and they felt it read fine, so since they are the experts in this field, I went with my heart first and am using their judgement as support for what I did.  I guess time will tell if it was the right way to approach it or not.

Answer 3

Mine didn't.  Matter of fact, once the agency found out we had taken our Special Needs Adoption Coalition classes elsewhere, they provided NO guidance for anything.  The SNAC classes are all they are obligated to provide, so that's all they do.

Answer 4

They should.  Its a touchy subject.

Answer 5

The only thing our adoption agency did was give us the idea to make the scrap book talking about our daughters adoptive story. They also gave us about 25 letters from first mothers so that we could better see adoption from their point of view. That was about it.

Answer 6

I don't know what an adoption agency or attorney would say, because when we adopted, we did not ask them-because I was adopted myself so just did it like my AP did.  We told them very early- even before they may have understand the full meaning. I also think telling as early as possible is better for the child.  I was told that I was chosen so that is how we approach it with our 2 children.

Answer 7

We adopted twice, using two different agencies. The first agency said we should tell the child "early" and should not make it a secret. They also told us that as the child's understanding increases, they will have more questions, so we should not consider it a "told him once and now we're done" sort of thing. However, they did not offer any suggestions on *how* or what to say.

The second agency told us similar things, but also provided reading material on many issues adoptive parents need to know about. One of the articles was about how understanding changes at each developmental level and what questions to expect from your child (or make it a point to answer even if they don't ask) at each stage. I have found it to be pretty accurate and a good reference so far. (I've temporarily misplaced the binder or I'd see if I could find a source to the article... because I've never seen it elsewhere.)

Answer 8

I'm adopted and I remember being told by my mom after reading a story in my religion homework about a child who had been adopted. I don't know what adoption agencies say on this...

Answer 9

yes telling about adoption

Answer 10

It also depends on the child's personality.  You can tell the same story to two different children of the same age and will get two different reactions.

It's not a question of if - it's a question of how.

Answer 11

The agency I used gives adoptive parents free counseling until the child reaches 18 years old.  But doing open adoption should mean that there is no big sit down, mind blowing, discussion.  If you are open and in contact with the birthparents, it should already be out in the open, and just a natural part of life.

Answer 12

I was adopted and can't remember the age I was told, I've always known. My AP's told me how special I was that God had chosen me for their family.  So I grew up feeling just that, special.  

They had friends who didn't tell their child until they turned 21 and they never saw their child again.  

If it was me, I would make sure they know all along, but be adament that you are their parent.

Good Luck!

Answer 13

they would guide you...they cover EVERYTHING...its a VERY big brocess

Answer 14

Some might, but alot of them also don't.

My son is adopted and since the day we brought him home from the hospital with us we've always talked to him about his first mommy and how special she is.  He may not comprehend it all now when we talk about her to him, but later it will make more sense in steps and bits to him as he gets curious and asks questions about his adoption, his biological parents etc... My son will grow up knowing he was adopted, but he'll also grow up knowing how much his is a part of our family and that he is loved all around.  Sometimes I think there is more drama about this area in adoptions than needs to be. If you talk about it matter of fact from the get go and do it positively it will make it easier for kids when they are ready to talk about their feelings with you and ask questions they have.  It's when parents flip out and make it  into an "oh my god, how can i tell them they aren't mine by birth!!!" situtuations that drama starts which is unneeded for the parents and child.

Open adoption situations also help with this because kids grow up knowing their connection in both families and their story.  My son, through various circumstances, has a closed situation, but we will always tell him about his adoption and have the information we need from his biological family that will help us tell him anything he want's to know about it as he grows up.  Life books or scrapbooks of the child's life also help adoptees to understand their past and place in their adoptive families and who they are. They also make nice starting points for children to look at and talk about with you when discussing their adoptions as they grow up.

Answer 15

um, im alittle confused. Are you talking about telling your adopted child they were adopted? if so, you should tell them as early as possible.