Telling someone to back off, that they are sufficating you??

Question

A guy I have recently started dating is a really tender hearted, very sweet man. I really enjoy spending time with him. However, he is invading "me" & is getting all freaky if I am not constantly talking about "us"! I've spoken directly to him & stated to slow down or that he is sufficating me. For a couple of hours things are good & then we are right back to the same thing... I've even told him he is pushing me away with this type of attention... Any other suggestions?

Answer 1

You're very smart for telling him exactly what you want.  If you're willing to stick it out with him, set really clear boundaries.  Tell him you can talk about "us" for the first 5 minutes of the date but then you want to have a more varied conversation.  If he can't manage this then leave.  (Make sure you drive yourself to your dates.)  Set rules about how many phone calls,etc.  Don't respond to every email or text message immediately.  Discuss these boundaries with him ahead of time.  BUT, please be careful.  If he shifts from the tender hearted side over to the freaky side you should break it off with him very clearly and quickly and completely.  This guy could end up being trouble.  

Answer 2

He may be needy and fragile rather than scheming and manipulating, but either way, some personality traits are just impossible to overcome.  You may have to just decide that despite his tender/sweet side, his "invasive" side is just too strong and you might have to end the relationship.  If he can barely contain himself for a few hours, then the behavior is truly ingrained, so it may be impossible for him to change.

Answer 3

If you don't want to put up with it, then don't. When it begins, say "We agreed not to have this sort of conversation." If that doesn't end it, then send him away or go away yourself. You can't both refuse to put up with it AND continue to put up with it at the same time. Make a choice and stick to your guns, even if it means missing dessert.  

Answer 4

sound alcoholic

Answer 5

Warning signals! Pay attention! He is a control freak and it will only get worse. Get out of it now before you have real regrets.  

Answer 6

In all honesty I would get out of the relationship right now. If it's this bad in the beginning it's only gonna get worse. Trust me. This guy could possibly be emotionally abusive or possesive. As hard as it is you should just end it now.

Answer 7

You need to tell him that you like to spend time with him but you also like every human being need some time alone.. to do things for yourself. that is not excludig him but we all, everybody. even young lovers .. need to pursue our own hobbies and do just something for us.. without the other person.. If we are on a leash at all we want to make this a very long leash.. In a relationship there got to be mutual respect, honesty and trust and if one trusts ones partner one gives one partner the long leash and lets him or her do things alone.. without wanting to be by his or her side all the time. that is stifling.. and clingy.. you need to communicate your feelings to him .. if you are a couple.. you can and have to be able to tell him your concerns and your wishes and your joys and hopes and fears.. and he should be able to do the same with you.. at ease.  you should be comfortable with each other talking about things.. that's the only way to find out what you each want and you need to let him know if something he does is too much or if you would like it different.. tell him.. in a tactful but honest way.. honesty and trust go hand in hand.. Only when you know what the other person wants.. by talking about it.. can you know what he or she wants.. so you need to tell him.. it's smothering you and you need a bit more space.. that doesn't mean you want to end the relationship.. if the guy has enough self esteem he will understand. if he is insecure inside himself you have to reassure him xx