Telling your family.?

Question

Hi i'm Rachel i have a beautiful little girl named Aria and she's 16 months old. She's in open adoption that's means that i get to see her and i got to pick her parents which btw are amazing ppl. No one in my family knows about any of this though. I come from a single parent home so my grandpa was like my dad and i knew it would hurt him if he ever found out i was pregnant and went threw adoption. Before you say anything he was in his 70's and came from a time you dont do that so we didnt tell him or anyone fearing if ppl knew it would get back to him. He died this jan of cancer it was really sudden xmas he was fine then in jan he died so needless to say everyone really took it hard.Now that he is in better place i wanna tell my family, These past few months have been eating me up i kept it inside so no one would be hurt but now i really would like my family to know. My mom the type of person who keeps it inside so even though she understands why i ahve to she does not support it.

Answer 1

I don't think you should wait a year.  It has been 4 months now, and you should tell your family.  Start with someone you are closest to, or that you feel would be the most happy/supportive.  You are happy with the decision you made and that is what is most important.  Be prepared that it may take some people longer to come around than others.

I applaud you for making the decision to share your daughter with a couple who wanted nothing more than to love  a child.  It's truely the greatest gift you could have given to both your daughter and her adoptive parents.

Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 2

Hi Rachel,

One of my DD's first mothers went thru something similar.  It took her 10 years and a family tragedy to share her secret.  She seems so much happier now.  Her family rallied around her and they are hopefully still all coming up here for a visit in July.  I can't imagine what you must be going thru.  One of my personal beliefs is that secrets are never good.  I'm sorry i don't have more advice for you. Snowwill is awesome, i'd listen to her advice.  Take care;)

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

Answer 3

I kept the secret and lived the lie for 30 years. When I decided to look for her (closed adoption back in 1972) I knew that if I found her, I'd have to tell the world (scary thought). I found her and then it was time to tell, I think maybe I took the cowards way out. I sent an email to my family and friends and then I waited. I knew if I talked to people in person that it would be to emotional for me.  People were shocked (I hadn't even told my Dad about her birth), but very supportive and actually wonderful to me. Even though they were shocked, they were so happy for me. You can NOT continue to live the lie, it will make you physically and emotionaly ill. I let my boyfriend/now husband tell his parents and he let them deal with their family. They were the ones who pushed us into adoption so I felt it was their secret to tell.

Answer 4

Wow... what an ordeal to undergo with no support from your family.  

As far as "how" to tell them, perhaps in the same manner that you would make any big announcement to the family.  Have a sit down, over dinner, one at a time, whichever is most comfortable to you.  

It must be awful to hold onto those feelings for so long.  Good luck to you.

Answer 5

I'm so glad to see a birth mother on here that doesn't regret, and knows she did the best thing possible for her child. You have nothing to be ashamed of, as you did what you did out of pure love from the sounds of it, and you also gave a family the greatest gift anyone could give them, a chance to BE a family.

I say, do what you're heart tells you, you've listened to it so far, and had wonderful results, if you want to speak to your family, to share with them what I know had to have been a very hard decision for you, then do it. I'm sure they'll understand, and even applaud your choices. As they were what you felt was best for both you, and your baby.

If they over react, then thats on them. Just start with those you're closest to, those thats more likely to give you some additional support.. and then when you feel ready, approach the tougher ones.

Answer 6

Sounds like you made the best decision. If you knew it would upset your grandfather at his age - you did the right thing. Now that the situation has changed and feel like you need to tell the rest of you family - then talk to your family about. Let them know why you choose what you did and the decision to let the baby be adopted was the right one for you and most importantly your daughter.