Temme howz my poem??? a girl unsatisfied!!!?

Question

i saw a girl

had an unsatisfied pearl

slowly i could peep into her soul

then i could i thought

see her whole

i toched her cold arms

it felt her like a soothing balm

i felt her alone

i set her a zone

oh she was unsatisfied

so was her heart highly deprived

happy she was still in her eyes

yes her heart was unsatisfied

none ever peep into her eyes to her fears

but i could see those few

little tiny drops of feels she wears

there i felt her sulking and crying

there i found her moulding and trying

prying for every moment to be back

as she was dying.......

Answer 1

hey nice to c sum1 whoz interested in the same thng as i am .... itz a nice 1 but could b made even better .... i have also written poems .... so if u really into poems den just im me .... !!

Answer 2

nice...very emotional....touches my heart..

keep up ur good work

Answer 3

It unsatisfy me It is some touching but not fully ............................

Answer 4

Try some more figures of speech. Euphemism and metaphor are the ones that work the best for me. As that girl is dying,

the title can be, Why so Early?

I know that this title doesn't suit the poem, you can extentd the poem using this title.

Answer 5

Nice poem I like it.

Still about the title i have some thing to say. This is about an unsatisfied pearl. So how can it be unsatisfied girl?

The pearl worries about her home. I suggest "Home calling"

Answer 6

It is good as a poem. But the subject matter is v. pessimistic. Makes one feel very sad.