Temporary family placement becoming permanent through adoption...?

Question

My cousin is mentally unstable-many mental illness, and pregnant with her 5th child. She doesnt have custody of the previous 4, my mom actually has #3 and #4. My husband and I have been asked to take this baby-does this mean permanent? My now sister and brother were eventually adopted and so were the other 2 children. I have tried to get a case worker to call me back but one hasnt' been asigned to the case yet, not until birth and that is still 9 weeks away. We don't have other children -never been to parenting classes, why would they just turn over a child to us without first checking us out? I really want to help my cousin out but I havent talked to her since my brother was born and he's 7now. Any advice would be nice. I have contacted FIA and DHS in the county she lives in but no one will return my calls. I feel lost...

Answer 1

First of all, regardless of previous losses of your sister, they'll try to place the child with family, often times as temporary custody until your sister, "can get her act together".  Family adoptions are totally different than stranger adoptions, and aren't nearly as regulated.  

2nd:  If you don't feel 100% committed to taking this child and raising it, don't.  Infants have a much better chance of being adopted into a permanent family than an older child, and if you keep it for a while, then say you can't do it, it can be a horrible loss for that child.  Have you been asked by a social worker, a family member, or by who?  Without this information, I can't give you a complete answer.

My prayers are that this child is raised in a happy, loving, safe environment.

Answer 2

As someone who has three children of family members living with her I can tell you that it can be that simple. (We recently adopted one) They may give you temporary custody of a family member while investigating you. This would not happen with a non-related child.

This is no different then foster care....a temporary situation until it is made permanent by the case workers recommendation. All you can do is take this family member into your home and love them unconditionally. And hope for the best outcome for the child.

We have our fair share of dysfunction in my extended family.

Heaven knows when there will be another knock at the door.

We just take it one day at a time. Kids are innocent and they do not need to be reminded that their parents are s***w-ups.

Believe me they see it enough.

Just so you know my other cousin has had two children taken from her custody at birth and her sister has custody of ALL her children. Nothing will happen before the birth. I suggest starting your own home study process independently. It will cost around 1,500 to 2,500. That is what we did.

Answer 3

Family adoptions aren't always "less regulated" than stranger adoptions.  We've been approved as foster parents for two years, had 13 children placed with us (no more than 4 at any given time) never had any issues that haven't been resolved fairly easily, and we now have a relative placement from another state. They have CPS supervising us. We've had at least two social worker visits a month since we got him. They're scrutinizing our finances. They almost didn't let us bring him home after we traveled 1300 miles to get him! I can't wait till he finalizes; he'll probably be an only child because we'll be so done dealing with DSS when he finalizes!

Answer 4

It's usually better for the child to stay within the family, if at all possible.  Unless you're unstable with mental illness, too, they're probably right to place the child with you.  As long as you're not abusive, an addict, neglectful, or mentally ill to the point where it would impair your parenting judgment, I'd agree with this placement.  If you are any of those things, let them know that you don't feel you'd be the best placement, and they will find someone else.  Otherwise, use the next 9 weeks to your advantage and do some quick reading!  :-D

Best of luck!

ETA:  It's sad that they didn't take the time to make sure that you're a good resource for this kiddo.  Still, it sounds like they made the right choice.  If you really aren't prepared to be a resource for this kid, let them know, and they'll find someone else.  I hope you'll take him, though.  At least you care...there's no guarantee that someone else will.

Answer 5

She should be spayed.