Tenth anniversary / vow renewal. Should I bring a gift?

Question

My cousin and her husband are going to have a vow renewal for their tenth anniversary this Sunday. I wasn't going to bring a gift, but some of my family said they were and got me thinking whether or not I should. Before you jump to conclusions, let me explain:

They are having the party at my parents' house. They are ordering a roast, which my father and brother are cooking on the spit. My mother is providing much of the food, my father is providing the wine (from the family vineyard). My cousin has asked her mother (my aunt) to bring a lot of the "main course" food, and has requested a little something from every "guest." And it's all BYOB (save the wine that my father wants to serve).

My cousins are older and well established. He owns his own company and she only works when she feels like it. My husband and I are just starting out and scraping for every penny we make. They are MUCH older than us (her kids are my age) and I will be working all week at my parents' house to prepare for the party. (Yeah, they're not doing any pre-cleaning/set-up or, most likely, clean up.)

The only thing the couple is doing is buying one hunk of meat (which my father ordered, it's $200). My siblings, husband, and I have already been asked (by my parents) to help keep the place in order while the party is going on - first to "valet" park all the cars, and then to keep picking up trash and all that this crowd is bound to leave everywhere. Also, we have been told that the meat ordered will probably not be enough and "FHB" (Family Hold Back) so there is enough for the guests.

Should I be bringing a gift to this party? Or is my original plan to just bring a card okay?

Other tidbits, that don't really matter: She brings her kids and whomever else over to my parents' every summer to use the pool almost daily, but we don't even know she exists in the winter. She had one family Christmas party at her house once and vowed never to do it again because it was "just too much of a hassle." It is a second marriage for her, third for him. They have six kids between them, none of them together.

Answer 1

Vow renewals are cheesy in my opinion.  They had one wedding.  If they meant those vows when they said them, they shouldn't need to say them again.  Besides, it's always been my opinion that you should give a gift freely and with joy in your heart, or it isn't really a gift.  If it were me, I would not give a gift, and I would not feel guilty about it.

Try to have fun at the party!

Answer 2

Girl, I wouldn't even worry about a gift. It's not like they are struggeling. Just give them a card and tell them that you hope that you and your husband could be in their situation one day. Keep it moving. I'm sure they are not even thinking about that at all. Don't worry about it.

Answer 3

We renewed our vows after five years because we married fast and without fanfare.  We didn't expect vow renewal gifts, though they were appreciated.  I wouldn't have wanted anyone to give me a vow renewal gift if it would have put them out when they were just starting out!

A very nice card, possibly with a nice, romantic poem would be more than you are obligated to give them.  It is very thoughtful for you to want to give them a card, and very loving and caring for your family to be throwing such a nice party for them!

Here is a good poem about long-lasting love that would be appropriate!

The Master Speed by Robert Frost:

No speed of wind or water rushing by

But you have speed far greater. You can climb

Back up a stream of radiance to the sky,

And back through history up the stream of time.

And you were given this swiftness, not for haste

Nor chiefly that you may go where you will,

But in the rush of everything to waste,

That you may have the power of standing still-

Off any still or moving thing you say.

Two such as you with such a master speed

Cannot be parted nor be swept away

From one another once you are agreed

That life is only life forevermore

Together wing to wing and oar to oar

Answer 4

I'd buy something very small, like a picture frame.  That with your card is more than enough. It sounds like its a big party/celebration and they want their friends and family there more than gifts.  Have fun and party!  lol

Answer 5

i would give somethign it's just good etiquette...just because she doenst have good etiquette doesnt mean yous shouldnt...go to things remembered or some chatki place and get a photo album or picture frame, flowers...i wouldnt spend more than $20 but i would bring a gift...

Answer 6

you like to complain alot.  just get the present.  lord, if your parents don't mind than why should you.  you sound like my in law.  get over ypurself.

Answer 7

No gift is required. You are right in just taking a card, and attending.

Answer 8

yes and bring a gift

Answer 9

yea

i would  

Answer 10

Buy a ten dollar bottle of sparling wine and put a ribbon  on it.  Take the price tag off.  You are the bigger, better person.

By the way, why is everyone letting these folks boss them around?  And, maybe you should have a vow renewal party for you and your husband at their house next year!

Answer 11

Well, since the gift for 10 years of marriage is traditionally tin, why don't you get them a tin can? Just kidding. :) It would probably be best to bring a gift, although based on the couple's lack of effort for their own party, I wouldn't bring anything too expensive. I wouldn't suggest giving just a card. Maybe something like a picture frame would suffice?

Answer 12

I think the card will be enough....Heck your family is giving them a very BIG gift in my eyes anyway.....If you want to make the card a little more special write a nice saying or poem in the card also...Good Luck!!

Answer 13

Ummm, No. They seem to have everything they need and you are bringing the gift of help as far as I am concerened...helping out for the "pre show'' if you will, and your helping out during the whole party? Yeah thats gift enough. If you are low on money anyways they should understand that and shouldnt expect anything anyways, just having family together should be gift enough for any loving, kind family oriented member. Just buy them a card and congratulate them on there success and loving marriage. Make it known throughout though if you want all the work you are doing. Let her see you both parking cars and filling empty food bowl..etc. She should appreciate that. Try to have fun though!!

Answer 14

I would go with the card