Terminology for "biological siblings"?

Question

I know all this adoption terminology is a giant mess, trying to be so politically correct an all, but I am reall really stumped for this one.

I have a mom, a dad, and a brother in my adoptive family.

I have a first mom, and I had a first brother, who has sadly passed on.

Here is where the confusion sets in- after I was born, my first mom had three more kids, two daughters who were also adopted by another family,then she remarried and had another son.

Obviously first siblings don't apply, cuz they all happened after the fact. I don't like biological siblings, it seems too impersonal, but that is what everyone else is saying right now... I personally feel okay with calling the youngest boy my half-brother, but that only seems to add confusion to everything, and I don't feel that I should contact the girls until there adults, so i'm hesitant to put any term to that... but anyway, what is the "right" term?

My brain feels like it is going to explode.

Answer 1

My adopted children call their Bio siblings their brothers and sisters. They have 2 of each in 3 different homes (all younger). My Sis in law who was also adopted calls her 4 bio siblings (all younger and half sibs) brothers and sister. My kids' sibs and sibs' family all support referring to the children as brothers and sisters. Adoption can't change that relationship.

You are all old enough to know  what your relationship is. Its probably beyond a "term" anyway. Who does it serve to make things complicated? If my kids want to call their birthmom "mom" or "Donna" than thats fine. They are 10 and 12. They know who is who. I don't see why we all have to have these terms anyway. I suppose it serves us well when we have to tell a story where things might get confusing. Then we can throw the word birth or bio into it.

Hope this helps. Everyone is different. Maybe you could talk to your bro's and sis's about it and see what they like :)

Answer 2

Your relationship to them need not be "defined" to outsiders. It's none of their business.....simply "My brother blah blah" or "My sister blah blah blah."

In the end whatever makes YOU and them comfortable.

Answer 3

Kind of sounds like the situation I am in.  

My ex husband and I adopted my nephew after his mother died and my ex and I had 2 more sons.  So my adopted son is my son and my nephew and he is a cousin and a brother to my other 2 sons.

But they just call each other brother because that is what they are.

Answer 4

All of my Mother's other children were born after I was, with a different father..  Within the family, they are my sister and brothers, describing them to outsiders, they are my half-sibs, or the siblings I didn't grow up with.

Answer 5

I would call them by their names and if relationship status is needed, my brothers and sisters - that is what they are. If you feel you need to define it more, use whatever is comfortable to all of you. I agree with the other posters - names aren't what matter so much as the feelings and relationships of the folks involved. Who cares if other people find your names "un-PC", you all are the ones whose opinions matter as it is your family! If you and your sibs decide to call each other "Previous Tenants of the Same Uterus" and you all like it - why should opinions or feelings of the local cat lady, Myrtle at the library or Fred the mechanic make you call each other something else? They aren't in YOUR club and don't get to have a say - especially if it is a name that has a special meaning to you!

ETA: I agree with Possum about the earlier contact as well.

Answer 6

You need to settle on something that is comfortable for you and don't worry about the so-called authorities and PC police on this site.

You can call them your biological siblings, you could call them brother and sister...you guys decide what makes you comfortable!

Answer 7

My adopted son has 9 siblings, to the best of our knowledge,  between both his original parents. He has contact with older brother on a regular basis. He refers to him as his brother. If someone asks about it, he just explains that he is his bio brother. But he only uses that term as an explanation.

I myself really do not like the term "half" brother/sister. Technically all of my siblings are "half", but to me they are just my brothers and sisters. If someone refers to them as my half brother/sister I always ask, which half I am related too...

Answer 8

My birthdaughter calls her biological brother her brother and my son, calls her his sister. She calls my son's daughter her niece. Works well, you don't have to be raised together to simply use the term brother or sister.

Oh I see your sibs are still young, then choose what you are comfortable with.

Answer 9

You should refer to them the way that makes you comfortable. If you have a relationship or ever have one with them, you would also have to consider their comfortable level as well.  If I was ever contacted by my biosister I would not feel comfortable referring to her as my sister.

Answer 10

I have a similar problem when I talk about my daughter and her parents. That one get some funny looks and head scratching too. It depends on who you are talking to. If there is no reason to explain then sisters is good enough, if you do need to explain birth, bio, genetic, full blooded, will all work. It really is up to you what you refer to them as.

Being called a biological mother doesn't bother me but to refer to my daughter as my biological daughter just messes up a conversation. It does get befuddeling doesn't it.

Answer 11

I wouldn't call them half's except the youngest because as you said its confusing. They are your brother and sisters but call them what ever you feel comfortable with: blood kin, biological, I kinda liked the bio sib term and will probably use that so thanks Possum. It does get hard but I always felt funny calling them brother because my brother is my adopted brother. Felt like I was dissing him somehow, same with the bio parents. I never minded calling them Mother and Father because I don't call my adopted parents that but have always felt the need to qualify with bio in front. So do what feels natural to you. Good luck.

Answer 12

I like 'bio sibs' - rather than - 'biological siblings' - as it's not so techo sounding - sort of a nickname.

Do you know their first names??

Just call them by that.

It's a mess - hey?!

I completely understand.

You have to find something you are comfortable with.

As far as 'right' term - that's the term that feels right to you.

Just my two cents - I'd try and make contact earlier - rather than later - at least trying to make contact won't harm.

It's better for children to know they have more sibs out there at an early - rather than finding out later in life.

Kids work things out well - it won't be confusing - as long as everyone is cool with it.

It's your - and their reality.

Anyway - I don't see a problem.

I wish you all the best.

Answer 13

In what contexts are you referring to them that the listener would need the qualifier? Why not just use "brother" or "sister" and only explain if necessary and/or desired? Not everyone needs to know the intricacies of your life and relationships.

Answer 14

They are your ..brother and sister. If you get hung up on full sibs vs. half, then you could half them, but why go any farther than that?

I have four children: my oldest son was adopted at birth, then I had one son from my frst marrige and then two 'full sibs" later on. The younger two were never anything but "your brother and sister" to son #2...and like wise Garin was never anything but " your borther". When we found and were reunited with Max, the one lost to adoption.. he is, was and always will be.. their brother. And for the record, the younger ones are 5 adn 7 and they get it just fine..

For him, he has his two brothers and sister by me, but he has another brother and sister as well through adoption. For them, to him, they are just a strong as sibling relationship.

You have three brothers, you have two sisters...some though adoption, some not. No brain explosion..keep it simple.