Text message jokes??

Question

A friend keeps texting me jokes on my phone but l don't know any short jokes to reply with. Can anyone help?

Answer 1

3 blonds walk into a bar...

Yould think the last one wouldve seen it!!!

=R3BEL=

Answer 2

So this dyslexic guy walks into a bra...

Answer 3

In 2009 the government will start killing all mentally challenged people. I started crying when i though of you. Run my little r****d, save yourself!

Just a reminder that tomorow is "hug a r****d" day so dont freak out like you did last year, nobodys trying to hurt you.

Today is National Disadvantaged Peopls Day. Please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend, just as i've done. I dont care if you like windows, interfere with farm animals, or occasionally S**t yourself. You hang in there sunshine, you're f**k!ng special.

Answer 4

Just a few that i know:

I'M AN ALIEN. I HAVE JUST TRANSFORMED MYSELF INTO THIS TEST. AS YOU ARE READING I'M HAVING s*x WITH YOUR EYEBALLS. I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE IT BECAUSE YOU ARE SMILING

We will now upgrade your brain, please wait....Searching....searching...still searching....sorry,NO BRAIN found...!

ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction

Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!

Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back

Well im not sure if that's funny enough..but there's tons more on these websites...=)

http://www.humorsphere.com/sms/funny_sms...

http://www.funsms.net/funny_jokes.htm

Answer 5

My friend has a fine watch dog.

At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.

They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"

"Please wait someone else is using it."

When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.



"Where did you get those big eyes?"

"They came with the face."

I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls.



But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.

It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!

"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."

"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."

"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"

"Yes if you're lucky."

A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.

"Has there been any insanity in your family?"

"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."

I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it.

"Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"

"I couldn't lift the table."

"My wife doesn't know what she wants."

"You're lucky. My wife does."

  

We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.



Did you hear about the wife who shot her husband with a bow and arrow because she didn't want to wake the children.

  

The quickest way to make tossed salad is to give fresh vegetables to an 18-month-old child.

  

"What do use for washing dishes?"

"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best."

  

"How is your wife getting along on her reducing diet?"

"Fine. She vanished last night."

  

"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"

"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"

    

There are two kinds of secrets : one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.

  

"I heard you missed school yesterday."

"Not a bit."



"I gotta 'A' in spelling."

"You dope! There isn't any 'A' in spelling."

My wife is always talking about a trip to Europe.

I have no objections - I let her talk.

There's one thing good about being poor - its inexpensive.

Summer must be over. My neighbour just returned my lawn furniture

Memory is what tells a man his wedding anniversary was yesterday.



An unmarried man has no buttons on his shirt. A married man has no shirt.

Answer 6

What's your number?  I'll forward you a few.

Answer 7

http://www.jokes2go.com/